Spring has Sprung

Yesterday we had a magnificent day here, 74 and beautiful sunshine. I was caught up with work until about 2 but got home in time to take Duffy and Smokey outside to enjoy it which they did.

I am upgrading my computer connection. I don't know if anyone else has upgraded to FIOS.
They ran the lines a few weeks ago. The internet connection is supposed to be faster than cable. The best part is that I can get unlimited long distance AND computer connection (including a wireless router free) for under $70. I now use a wired router which means we are confined to the upstairs only. If I opt for a business laptop up the road I will really enjoy being able to use it downstairs or on the patio. I realize that if I went with all cable the phone would be less but our neighbors have done that and when they lose the cable they have no phone service. That can be a real problem and I don't want it.

Am working hard on a business deal. There is a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes when people buy a home. Mortgage approval, negotiation of the contract, inspections etc. Right now I have written a contract but it has not been presented yet, waiting for one of the parties to be present. I am remaining calm.......so far. One of my coworkers recently remarked how odd it is when you see that two people who are married for years are on totally different pages about what they want. Normally the wife is going on emotion "I LOVE this" while the husband is the voice of practicality. It's a real study in people. I enjoy working with people and I find there is always something I learn from each person that I deal with. Keeps it fresh.

Time to go shower and get to a training session this morning. My office is wonderful, we have weekly training and so much more. It's a great support system.

Pass the chicken soup!

I woke up yesterday with a sore throat. This is one of those colds that starts out like a sore throat and then escalates. I did a few things I had to today then came home and have nursed my throat with tea and it now wants chicken soup. My throat does not give a damn that today is a lenten Friday. I say if you're sick then you have a dispensation. I deem it so and I will be having my chicken soup. I will do a good deed. That good deed will be to control my temper which right now could be set off.

I have to wonder about a lot of things these days. Do people NOT have any loyalty anymore?
When you spend days working with someone, filling your tank with gas, putting miles on your car do they not feel loyalty? Do they feel it's okay to meet another agent and tell them that no they are not working with anyone and then allow that person to pressure them into doing something that even they don't feel is right? I don't get it. I have bought three houses. Each time I had ONE person who was taking me around. That person handled any inquiries I had. ALL three times I purchased the second house I looked at. Damn, I never knew just how easy I was!
I thanked the person for their time spent and I truly appreciated it. I find that either I was very strange or the world has changed. Now people do not seem to feel loyal in such circumstances.
I have decided that I deserve to be treated better than that.

I'm cranky and I think I need a nap and some more hot beverages......and maybe some chocolate. Yea that's the ticket.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I was supposed to take a client out today. I really like this couple and am excited to be helping them find a home. She agreed that the roads were dangerous early in the a.m. when we had planned to go and we have pushed it off until next Saturday.

I did my usual meal and although it was delicious it was a lot of work. I just love having the leftovers and if we go out we don't get them. To be honest, I feel that my corned beef and cabbage (with my secret ingredient: Guinness) is better than any I have had anywhere.
The soda bread was scrumptious and I wish my internet friends could pop in for some and a nice cup of tea. I am trying to watch my carbs. My bloodwork is indicating my sugar is too high and my doctor thinks I may be predisposed to diabetes which is in my family. I hate needles and would not want to have to deal with more medicine. I am hoping I can control my eating better and avoid dealing with it in the future.

Today, as on every day where we are focused on the Irish, I miss my grandfather. He was an important person in my life. My Dad was in the Navy and my mother was not one to travel.
Much of that time I lived with my grandparents in their tiny house. I still have my grandmother at 94 but I lost him about twenty years ago. I still miss him. When I was only about ten he had a very bad heart attack. We rushed to the hospital to be with him and he kept telling me not to worry. He was in his fifties and shortly after that he had to retire. Over the next few years he had a series of strokes. I always rushed to be at his side and it was always he who comforted me. When I had cancer and had to have radiation treatments he came to New Jersey and took me for one. He was an emotional person and it really got to him. He nearly fainted. He was always there for his grandchildren. After his last stroke, he was a shadow of the person he had been. It was so hard to watch. One of the last days I spent with him we were in the kitchen eating breakfast. He kept looking at me and I asked him if he was okay. He nodded but didn't really seem too alert that morning. I got up and went to sit on the sofa and he suddenly stood up on his own, got his walker and followed me. He came right over to me and began to cry and said "I love you honey." I couldn't believe it. I jumped up and hugged him and told him I loved him more.
A minute later he slipped back into the shadows. It was a magical moment and I will never forget it. Within a few months he was gone. I was blessed to have had him, my Irish grandfather.

Is the glass half empty or half full

The case for half empty

I am so tired and not sleeping properly. From time to time this plagues me and when I do sleep I am having vivid nightmares about ghosts which don't really frighten me normally. These dreams are quite interesting once my heart stops pounding.

Our magnificent weather of several days has changed. We experienced rain last night, sleet and hail this morning and are now receiving several inches of snow. The roads are a sheet of ice. I went out for a prescription and slid all over the road before turning back. I will suffice with the lower dosages until road conditions improve.

My visit to my cardiologist was the same old/same old. I keep hoping one day he will have some really good news for me like I can go off of some of the costly prescriptions.

My grandmother told me again today that my siblings do not want to hear from me because all I do is complain. (How dare I complain about something as insignificant as heart surgery!) The hardest part of hearing that is that I only talk to them once or twice a year. By the way, siblings all deny saying this but Grandma tells me next time I should tell them they are lying, a word she rarely uses.

The case for half full

I have a wonderful friend, lover and companion in Rob....when all else walk away he will still be there doing whatever I need

This morning when I couldn't stop the skidding and thought I might actually end up dead

or seriously injured I quickly thought that if I remained calm (and didn't jerk the wheel) that I would be okay and I was.......

I also felt that a quickly mumbled prayer was answered so I guess God isn't sick of hearing me

I have wonderful caring neighbors

I have loved and been loved

I am still alive and ticking (literally)

I have courage to try to make things better

I know that tomorrow will be another chance to try again

I am struggling to focus on the good, the positive.

Sunshine, Blue Skies and a Lazy Afternoon

Today the weather was simply gorgeous. The sunshine with a high in the 70s. They had predicted rain last night but so happy they were wrong. I stood outside chatting with a neighbor for over an hour and just soaked up the sun.

I did two evening shifts in two consecutive days. That's what I get for being nice and trading places with coworkers. My hubby has worked overtime every night and doesn't get home until 7:30. He is hungry, thirsty and wanting human companionship. When I evenings I don't get home until 9 or later. He's on his own. When I get home I am hungry but don't want to eat that late at night. Of course I rush through the door and want to see what's going on with Idol. Then I have to rewind the tape to see the part I missed before I can make my informed choice. It seems to be that LaKisha aka Kiki is my frontrunner. I'm telling you the FIRST time I saw and heard her I thought of Gladys Knight. When she did Midnight Train to Georgia I was loving it.
I think she has what it takes. Melinda has a solid voice too but to be honest, sometimes I wonder about her. I love Motown. When someone like Blake does what he did, it's just mindblogging to someone like me. It's like Sponge Bob trying to sing Beatles music. Don't go there. Just don't.

Well, I am thinking I might get a tiny nap in before the furboys go on their food demand for the evening meal. I have to be rested up for tonight's TV viewing. I hope Diana does at least one of her classics.

Back to Work...........

Today is beautiful and Springlike. I seized the opportunity to walk door to door and distribute items I had purchased with my name and business phone numbers on them. Remember when you receive those items they are not cheap. Do not throw them out. Put them to good use! I tied them neatly in bags and left those for those who were not home when I arrived. It might go up as high as 60 degrees today! The sun is so bright I had to wear shades!

I am feeling better today. This weekend I was on a new medicine and it kicked my asthma into high gear. I was wheezing so badly last night that I could hardly breathe. Of course, I am also thinking that Spring allergies may be at least partly to blame. I never did get my rosebush planted. Rob didn't sleep at all Saturday night and then yesterday we both catnapped all day.
Or we tried to. Our phone which rarely rings, was ringing off the hook each time we fell asleep. Our neighbor who comes no more than four times a year, came over and woke us up twice. Murphy's Law I guess. Just in time for St. Paddy's Day too. I have my Saturday dinner purchased and ready to cook. I always make it fresh, including the Irish Soda Bread. Honestly, mine is better than any other I have ever tasted. I got the recipe from Irish America Magazine.
They got it from Ireland. I have a great wreath on my front door, complete with tiny green bowlers and some green wee beer mugs. We have Irish stuff around all year long. Still, I keep a few things that I only bring out once a year. Have you seen the advertisement for Guinness where the three guys get up and it's just like Christmas but all gifts are wrapped in green and are Guinness? It's so funny. In a perfect world maybe.

Well I have to be in to work at 6 tonight until 9. I have already run a few errands and am ready for a rest! Of course I just know that if I actually nod off the phone will ring immediately! If I believed in curses, I would swear someone put one on this house that no human is to actually get restful sleep. If anyone knows a remedy for the antisleep curse, please let me know.

Other Pics I had wanted to post

The picture on the top is Rob's sister hugging her daughter when she was about 5 yrs old.

It wasn't the best picture ever taken of her but I like it very much.

This picture on the bottom was Rob holding our niece, then 3 and his sister Jennifer about half an hour before our wedding. Surprise! They were in the bar and Rob was having a Guinness. Jen later snuck in the bride room and snapped some shots of me with my friends.

Jennifer learned yesterday that the tumor in her head is cancer. We had hoped that the second doctor was right but sadly, the other two doctors were right. Her new surgery is scheduled for April 3rd. Please keep her in your prayers. We are hoping that she will be recovered enough for her daughter's first communion on May 5th. We have promised her we will arrive on Friday the 4th and do the food for the next day. I hope to get pictures that day and I hope that we can all celebrate and enjoy the day.

Blogger Issues Resolved?

Top O the morning!

I am hoping that I finally have fixed my computer issue with blogger. It seems I needed to download SP2, my computer which is three or four years old only had 1, not 2. Before I could do this download yesterday I found that my computer had not alerted me to 67 updates. It needed to do all of them before I could download SP2. It took about five hours in total, even though I have DSL and not dial up to get all of this done but this morning after clearning the cache as a safeguard, I once again have my tool bar across the top, allowing for text colors and photos. Hopefully this is now resolved because every now and then I just want to post a pic.

I have given myself a weekend off work unintentiaonally. Long story which I won't explain. Ironically Rob has worked overtime the past three nights and is working again today. I was hoping to sleep in but scratching paws on my bedroom door thought otherwise. Perhaps a nap later as I never feel truly rested.

Yesterday my anniversary gift arrived and I am so excited. Mind you, my anniversary was August 31 but they only ship these twice a year. It's a Princess Diana of Wales rose bush. It even came with a garden stake identifying it. I am trying to figure out the perfect place in my yard for it. Someplace sunny but not too dry or damp. When I told my grandmother she was so excited I wish I had ordered one for her. I probably could but hers wouldn't be shipped until the Fall and she will be 95 in July. Not sure she could plant it with the digging required. I wish I could make a plan for my yard and do flower gardens. I simply love flowers, the beauty of them. It's odd that as I have gotten older my likes have changed. I have become so fond of sunflowers and roses which I didn't care for when I was younger. I have found a variety of sunflower which is much shorter with many smaller heads which I grow now. I save the seeds and use them for the birds. I feed birds all year long in the back bordering the woods. It's so relaxing to watch them. I especially enjoy watching the red headed woodpeckers. We have a cat but he's an indoor cat so he watcheds through the glass patio door for hours. When he was younger his teeth would chatter with excitement but now he's five and seems calmer.

My project today is to clean off my computer desk and tidy up my files. I have so much paper. Even though I have most things in my day planner and computer, I like a back up. I hope everyone has a relaxing weekend filled with memorable moments.

URGENT!!!!!!

You know when we were in Vegas with our friends Debbie and Don for their wedding, we were driving along in a minivan taxi when the song "URGENT" by Foreigner came on. Immediately Debbie and I began to dance in our seats. It was great and her son actually snapped a pic. Since then this song has been running through my mind over and over. I got the McHubby to get it from Itunes then convert it to an MP3 for my computer and even burn it to a CD. I guess that might be overkill for some but I have decided that this must be my theme song and karma reunited me with it. Funny thing is, later Debbie's new husband told her that when he saw us doing that so early in the morning he began to question her sanity. Oh he has so much to learn about us. I love music and it's key in my life.

For some reason, since we switched to the new Blog I am having problems. I cannot post pics on my computer and I lose my entries when I click publish, except for the titles. When I open my entry form there is no bar across the top with the text, picture options at all. Odd. I opened it on Rob's computer and it's all there so it must be some glitch on my computer. Guess I will delete all cookies and see if that helps.

Today is a mental health day. I needed one desperately. I had a friend from the office I used to work in. He was going through a divorce and really troubled. I hated to leave that office, knowing I was one of the few people really concerned about him. I tried to stay in touch but for at least a month he was nowhere to be found. I finally heard from him today. He had a bad month or so but things are going much better for him. He is even back at home where I think he will only get better. This made my day. I truly care about the people I consider to be my friends. Speaking of friends, kudos to Jennifer for giving me the St. Paddy's Day bear and the flaoting shamrocks. She is my blogging mentor. She does a great commentary on American Idol if you haven't checked it out, make your way over there. Link to the right......................hurry up, it's urgent!!!

Going with the flow..........

We made it back safely from our trip to Rhode Island. It was a long ride up with hitting traffic. We arrived Friday evening and took our little group of ladies out to dinner. If you have not had fish and chips at Celo's in Rhode Island and you love fish, put it on your to do list. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. We got home and everyone was tired and we called it an early night. Saturday we woke up and Jen seemed to have some blurry vision. I wasn't too concerned knowing she is on a lot of meds. We stayed with her while my mother-in-law got her hair and nails done. When she returned home we zipped over to the other sister's house to see her new condo and her two boys (coughdevilscough). We arrived like Santa and Mrs. Claus with many games and crafts for the kids. Adam got a bear that had four sports outfits. We had to dress and redress him every five minutes. His younger brother than discovered that the outfits would also fit his bear so we had two guys to accomodate. Jeanine bought lunch and we stopped to eat. We then received a phone call letting us know that they (McMom and Jen) were on their way to an ER in Boston to have the blurry vision checked out. Jen's daughter wanted to be with us and was waiting at a cousin's house. We zipped over there and picked her up and took her to get lunch. When we arrived home we watched two CDS I had never seen before. One was The Secret Garden and the other The Corpse Bride. My sister-in-law had always talked about loving the story The Secret Garden and we enjoyed it. We made dinner and they didn't make it home from the hospital until 8 p.m. We did enjoy the special time with our niece and promised her we would be there when she makes her first communion on May 5th. There will be a party so we will have to don our chef's aprons and prepare.

The good news is that Jen looks wonderful for someone who has been through what she has. The bad news is that the tumor is pushing on her optical nerve causing problems. Surgery was set for April 3rd but not sure they can wait that long. Three doctors do not agree as to what the prognosis is. One feels it is the same cancer that was in her neck, agressive stuff. The second feels there is hope it is not malignant. The third (a brain surgeon) believes it is malignant but is not the highly agressive cancer they found in her neck. We are all hoping that the second doctor is correct. Having said that there are many serious issues at hand and we are constantly chatting with them, trying to offer support and helpful information. Of utmost concern is Jen's eight year old daughter.

We are not sleeping too well. We are tired all the time. Admidst all this I am trying hard to get business going for myself. It involves a constant outpouring of money at this point. Thing is, it will come back to me eventually. I have never been one to have a lot of patience but I am having to learn to be patient right now as most things for me are a waiting game. I am trying to take time daily to do something that will brighten things for the family up there. Jen loves frogs and my neighbor found one that is like a koosh ball. We got that in the mail to her. I also mailed her an angel that said "My sister's laughter brightens the gloomiest of days."When Jen last saw a doctor, one who was less than warm he gave her a long list of bad news. When he was done he asked her if she had any questions. She looked at him seriously and asked "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck............" he didn't even smile, just walked away. We all laughed when she told us that saying he clearly doesn't understand the type of people that this family are. Irish people are used to dealing with tragedy in this way. You do what you can for the moment, you shrug off the worry and you go on your way. Not such a bad way to be. We got to dispense our gifts and our hugs this past weekend and it was grand. I forgot my card for the camera and batteries but next trip I will make sure I have them so I can post pics.

Stop the Noise in my Head

I am struggling with a host of feelings, not of which are good.
Firstly, my sister-in-law got a positive report at the doctor. This comes on the heels of a very negative report. Now I don't know what to think and it angers me that they give any reports without having and weighing all information first. I want to feel relieved but I'm afraid to, at least just yet.

I am finding the pitfalls of my newfound profession. I just don't have the energy to go into it all but it frustrates me to no end that people don't know what they want. You work hard to help them and then they change their mind and have someone else do what they have now decided they want. So, now I will be smarter and the next people will have to commit to me, IN WRITING before I spend my time with them. My time is my opportunity to make money. I deserve loyalty as do they.

I need to be in more than one place this weekend. I cannot clone myself and I will be hurting someone no matter where I am at.

I want to curl up into a ball (just like a cat) and hibernate for at least a week. I didn't sleep last night. The reason is that my neighbor left her cell phone here and didn't know it. She kept calling the cell phone number to find it in her house but it rang in MY house. It woke me up late and it woke me up early. My stomach was in a knot because the ring was identical to mine and I kept assuming my phone was malfunctioning when it showed that no one had called. In desperation I called the last number that had called me and woke up a potential client. NOT good. This morning I came across the cell phone and realized what had happened. I think this neighbor owes me, what do you think? I am tired and damn cranky and we won't even begin to discuss how much I miss getting a paycheck.

Mr. Sandman please visit me...........soon and for a long visit.

The Ten Commandments for Pets

Ten Commandments
For Pet Owners

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from
you will be very painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me. Do
not break my spirit with your temper, though I will always
forgive you. Your patience will teach me more effectively.
3. Please have me spayed or neutered.
4. Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the
world is more grateful for your kindness than mine. Don’t be
angry with me for long, and don’t lock me up as punishment.
After all, you have your job, your friends, your entertainment.
I have only you.
5. Speak to me often. Even if I don’t understand your words,
I understand your voice when it’s speaking to me. Your voice
is the sweetest sound I ever hear, as you must know by my
enthusiasm whenever I hear your footsteps.
6. Take me in when it’s cold and wet. I’m a domestic animal
and am no longer accustomed to the bitter elements. I ask for
little more than your gentle hands petting me. Keep my bowl
filled with water. Feed me good food so that I may stay well,
to romp and play and do your bidding. By your side, I stand
ready, willing and able to share my life with you, for that is
what I live for. I’ll never forget how well you’ve treated me.
7. Don’t hit me. Remember, I have teeth that could easily
crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask
yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not
getting the right food, I’ve been out in the sun too long, or
my heart may be getting weak.
9. Take care of me when I get old. For you will grow old, too.
10. When I am old, or when I no longer enjoy good health,
please do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not
having fun. Just see to it that my trusting life is taken gently.
And be with me on that difficult journey when it’s time to say
goodbye. Never say, “I just can’t bear to watch.” Everything is
easier for me when you are there. I will leave this earth
knowing with my last breath that my fate was always safest
in your hands. I love you.

(This is what I had printed with my name, cell phone and email addy on it to give clients.

I thought it was beautiful and on their worst days I could never imagine living without my furry boys. I still miss my beautiful Sandie who has been gone two years now. The intense pain of her loss is no longer fresh but her presence is sorely missed. )

Biding Time

We found out yesterday that we should go see Rob's family next weekend instead of this one.
Our niece will be with her father this weekend and we all agree that she should have some time with us. That means being patient another week. I tried to keep busy yesterday but frankly I didn't do much although I talked to my sister-in-law three times on the phone. Her mother finds if difficult to talk about these things and I am able to so I am trying to fill that square for her.

I went to see houses this morning. We had lunch served at a few. I tried not to overeat and I feel sluggish and am thinking that some of the food might have had MSG. Not good. It is quickly approaching 3 and I have floor coverage tonight from 6-9. That means I answer phones or handle people who walk in. It's a dreary day with constant rain and many streets and yards with the melting snow look like lakes. It has warmed up quite a bit. Today would be a good day for me to have sunshine as opposed to rain. Rob loves the rain. He likes to lay in bed and listen to it as he drifts off to sleep. I have always found the rain to be depressing but I am trying to view it differently now. So far it really isn't working though.

I bought the neatest bookmarks to give out about the ten commandments for pets. I really like it and it has my name, information and picture on the bottom. Today I received my business cards that I had waited weeks for. Any day my personalized other items will be arriving. In this business you need to give things away that have your name on them. These things are not cheap so I try to put a lot of thought into them. Have any of you ever received anything from a realtor that you really liked? My financial guy told me he loves to receive recipe cards. I have seen jar openers, fly swatters, notepads and memo boards. I am currently searching for a glass or plastic house that I can use as a candy dish for my open houses.

Well maybe I will take a rainy day nap before I have to leave for the office. Rainy days and Mondays always get me sleepy!

Ash Wednesday and the feelings of the day

Normally on Ash Wednesday I work my schedule around going to a service and receiving ashes. I like the symbolism that we come from ashes and we return to ashes. I like to keep myself on track remembering what in life is truly important.

At 7:30 this morning I received a phone call from my sister-in-law Jennifer, the baby of the family. She had a cat scan yesterday and the results were shocking. She had surgery last Fall for a tumor in the nerve over her voice box. It turned out to be cancerous. They thought they had it all but later realized the "stump" of the tumor was still in the voicebox. They decided radiation was necessary and she just endured two long months of it. She was desperately ill and unable to eat because she has lost most of her ability to swallow. About a month ago she had a feeding tube put in. That has helped to control the weightloss which was holding at a mere 90 pounds. She is not a large woman but still. So, the doctors had warned that the cancer might return. Perhaps as early as two years. Yesterday they confirmed that it already has and is now moving up into her skull. I listened to her talk for a long time. Obviously, her main concern is her seven year old daughter. I made some suggestions to help them both through this rough time. She said she is prepared to have more surgeries or do whatever is necessary. This May her daughter, our niece, is going to make her first holy communion. She is very excited about that. We all are. Today I feel numb. I want to do things I am powerless to do. All I can do is try to listen for the most part. It doesn't seem like much though. We are considering going up to Rhode Island for the weekend but waiting to see if that's a good idea for them.

Sometimes little things in life seem important. Then something like this happens and you realize how vulnerable we all are. How precious each day is. I still have hope. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. That is my mind set. At times like this the close to three hundred miles between us makes it feel a world apart. I need to hug my unicorn sister. Soon.

Ch ch changes

Before I do my entry I want to say that I was saddened by reading the post by Pennie. For those of you who journaled on AOL you will remember the blonde Pennie who did such humorous entries and stoicly dealt with her polio which came back with a vengance when she was an adult. She wrote about her love and muse, BoSoxBlue as well. I read that Pennie had a brain anneurysm and is now in a rehab. For all of those who knew her, please keep her in your thoughts and prayers and I hope that someday soon we will be reading one of her entries again.

I don't know why I resist change so much. In fact most change has been good for me. Still, I was so reluctant to change my blog to the new format. For one thing, I found it difficult, if not impossible for me to leave comments. I have solved that mystery. I was trying to sign in using my blogger name and password. It will only accept my gmail name and password which are different. After my first comment it automatically fills in that information and although I have entered my gmail addy, it shows my blogger name. Problem solved.

My neighbor I am good friends with has the flu, as do many coworkers. I just wish when people got the flu they would stay home until they were better. And when they resurfaced, I wish they would wear gloves and use sanitizer. My neighbor does all that. When you go to her house you can see sanitizer everywhere. Neither her husband, nor her daughter have the flu and I think that is partly why. Being the germ phobe that I am , I have offered to get her anything she wants and leave it on her porch for her to retrieve when I have safely returned to my own home. She seemed to think that was a good deal.

I think I have IPOD envy. My sweetheart has generously made me a playlist on his IPOD. He has the shuffle from last year that he takes to work and he leaves the new one here. When I am in the kitchen I have it in the docking station. It makes so much more sense to listen to music this way. Instead of playing an entire CD that you only like 2 songs from, you can make a play list of music you really like. It's so much more cost effective to pay 99 cents for ONE song as opposed to about 15 dollars for a CD that you want one song from. Why didn't anyone think of this sooner? I still refuse to have a cell phone that plays music though. My experience is that cell phones don't last long enough to make all that effort with. Just copying the address book is enough. My ancient cell phone had a great feature. You could put someone's HOME, CELL, BUS numbers all in one entry. I loved that. The Razor doesn't allow me to do that. I have to have separate entries for each. Much too confusing. It does have other nice features and BlueTooth technology is great when you're driving. In New Jersey it is illegal to drive while talking on the phone so for the price of less than one ticket you might as well get the ear piece. Besides, I like to be safe in the car.

My new job has forced me to learn about all the technology to make it easier for me. I purchased a GPS which I really needed and I am loving it. I found the best for me was the cheapest. For $299.00 plus tax I can put an address in and just go. There are so many new developments, it just simplifies things. Rather than reading words or a map while driving, this pleasant voice tells me when to turn. If I make a mistake or take a shortcut I hear "Recalculating..." I have an electronic key that gets me into the lockboxes. Many homeowners are opposed to having a lockbox but with this technology it's a great tool for them. The key lets the homeowner or listing agent know who went into the house and when. You can also have your same key updated for neighboring counties. It's amazing. I find I am embracing all this technology that is making my life easier. The hardest part is just making sure all of these devices get charged! Surely sometime soon they will make a device to remind us of all the devices that need charging.

This song is for Jennifer. One of my teen favorites that my childhood best friend and I use to sing......and honestly, sometimes we still do. :)

Who are the people in your neighborhood?

It takes a while to get going in this business. I need to get some listings. Anyone reading this want to sell? I have a few buyers already. That is encouraging. I have learned that real estate agents must be available about twenty hours a day. They work really hard for their money and they need a good background in psychology. Different people need different things. I love the diversity of the people that we meet. I love helping someone find the home that will be the biggest investment that they will make and also the place where their memories will be formed.
I have owned three homes now and I know what they have meant to me. Each with their own happy times and good points.

I am so happy to have a home now surrounded by caring neighbors. The other day when we had the bad ice storm followed by a few inches of snow Rob discovered that his wiper blades had shredded. He called our neighbor who works at Toyota and asked him if he could bring home two for him. Later that night, when Keith got off work he not only brought the blades over but installed them on the truck before running home for his supper. When Rob called him he told him that he could give him the money another time he was just sitting down to watch American Idol. Gotta love neighbors like this and I surely do.

My mother is making steady improvement. She has moments of weakness and that frustrates her. Her sleeping patterns are not back to normal yet. That takes weeks after a hospital stay. I can no longer look at her and not realize that she is 75 years old and in fragile health. My family was never a kissy/huggy type family. I can count the times in my entire life that my mother kissed me. Seriously. When she was in the hospital I leaned over and kissed her goodbye when I left. The other night I through my arms around her and hugged her and kissed her. She actually called to thank me for doing that and when she hung up very quietly I heard "love ya." I am sitting here crying even thinking about that. I have made it my late new years resolution to hug and kiss her more. Hugs are healing. Emotional healing. It's heard to initiate that when you have not grown up with it but I am determined that if I do it enough, it will feel natural.

Wash those hands please.....!!!!!!!

Last Friday night when I arrived at my mother's house she was so ill. We thought it was the flu.
Later the doctor said the infection was in her kidneys which looked very bad on the pet scan.
We have now learned that she became ill from an Ecoli bacterial infection. Seriously ill. The bacteria entered her blood and was everywhere in her body. She was just taken off IV yesterday and put on pills. She says she can never remember being so sick in her entire life.
Another day or so would have been too late to get her medical attention. I just read an entry by Judith HeartSong about someone trying to hand out one of the restaurant pagers which had been contaminated by the woman's hands which had just wiped her nose and touched her dirty tissues. With all the media attention and shows about this topic, I certainly wish people would be more germ conscious. I had my spleen removed at age 23 and since then I have been almost fanatical about being exposed to germs. This was heavily reinforced after my heart surgery. I carry a bottle of gel sanitizer in my purse and in my car. I refuse to shake the hand of someone who is obviously ill and when I arrive in the supermarket I use the gel or a wipe to disinfect the handle of the carriage. My doctor told me this is a huge source of bacteria.

Last night I woke up at 5 a.m. to the sound of ice pelting my bedroom window. Unable to go back to sleep, I went downstairs and began my traditional Valentine heart shaped cookies.
Got them done around 8 a.m. when I went back to bed for two hours. School was closed today. Kids were going door to door offering to shovel driveways for a few dollars apiece. Under the inches of snow lies a solid sheet of ice. I advised Rob not to go to work today but he wanted to.
When he arrived he found so many people were out and the faithful ones who fought the weather and arrived were expected to work twice as hard. He called earlier and now his back is acheing again. I reminded him he will be coming home to a wonderful dinner and some TLC.
That seemed to cheer him up a bit.

Tomorrow I have to leave here at 7:30 a.m. to attend a training seminar about 45 minutes away. I hope the roads will be clear. I just got my car back from a repair and cannot bare the thought of another accident. Neither can my insurance carrier!

It's snowy and white and a winter wonderland. I will stop now and go make some cookie deliveries. Happy Valentines Day to all my friends and their families and significant others.
Happy Valentines Day to Rob with a heartfull of love.

OH for a boring life..........

Since Tuesday my mother has been sick. By sick I mean unable to hold any food down, no appetite and days and nights inside the bathroom. I talked to her on the phone and she wanted no part of going to the doctors. Last night I made a huge chicken and took some over there for supper. When I saw the condition she was in I could not believe my eyes. My mother is 75 yrs. old but goes to a flea market every Saturday and walks for hours. Honestly, sometimes she seems more energetic than me. She was so weak she could no longer get to the bathroom although she needed to. My 84 yr. old father and myself got her changed twice and cleaned up in the brief time we tried to get her into a vehicle. Although she resisted I told her she simply had to get medical attention. I had been up since 7 that morning and had a frustrating day. I knew what had to be done and prayed I could stay awake long enough to do it. We got her into their van and into the ER and within an hour she was in a private ER room. They had immediately confirmed my diagnosis that she was severely dehydrated. They got an iv bag of fluid into her quickly and did some blood tests. It was soon discovered she had quite an infection. I left the ER about 1 a.m. although they still had not taken her up to her room. My father was unbearable by now and insisting they both belonged in a nursing home. I think I got about four hours sleep before heading back today. She looked drastically improved and was even eating small portions of food. They are giving her two antibiotics intravenously. I shuuder to think what would have happened had I not taken her to the hospital. I think in another day or so she might not have pulled through.

Although tired I made it to the Cingular Wireless store today and got a pink Razor. This will be an early Valentines present. I got the bluetooth headset which was part of a package, good deal. After the rebate it will have cost me $89. I'll be styling. lol My old phone was so old that well you don't even want to think about it. It couldn't take pictures, not that I use my cel phone for pics.

Today I was forced (yes by cyber gun point) to change my blog. Since several of my friends have done this I have been unable to post comments in their blogs. I love their blogs and it has been very frustrating to freeze up every time I have tried. Sometimes I email the comments and other times I just am too lazy. Forgive me.

Well I need to go call and see if the doctor has shared any further updates with my mother.
You know yesterday for the first time I looked at her in a different light. This woman who I always thought would be there looked old and fragile. It hit me that there may be a day where she won't be. I saw her not as the strong parental figure but as a vulnerable and weak elderly person and it was shocking. I heard one of the nurses refer to her as an old lady and it got to me.
On the whole the nurses weren't great but one was, Jason. He really bonded with both of us and was frustrated when they sent him elsewhere for an hour but he made his way back. After I left my mother said he kept a close eye on her, even coming up to say goodbye when his shift ended. I find that small kindnesses at a time like that are worth their weight in gold. Bless you Jason.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr It's Cold

The temperature has really dropped here in Jersey and it's cold. I want to go back to Vegas now. Seriously. I miss my Elvis machine like crazy. The one that I won $21 on and I was never a gambler before that. Well, not with real money anyway.

My car is in the shop. On Saturday I had a fender bender. Or was it Friday? Well anyway my car is getting fixed for $400 which I have to pay. Mr. I don't park in the designated rows tells me his car will be $2300 to repair. He offered to let me give him the money and not go through my insurance company. I said no. His car is not even in his name but his company's. He apparently talked them into letting me give them the cash but no thank you just the same. I pay about $2400 a year for car insurance and they can get the tab on this one.

I had a great open house on Sunday. Lots of people and some of them are looking to buy a house. That excites me! Many people go to open houses and fudge their name, or address, or email or phone number. Often they are later embarssed to fess up to that. It's a shame because sometimes you want to contact someone with something you know they want and you can't. I have had a revelation: real estate agents work really hard for their money.

Today I took Rob to work and I must drive his truck to attend a meeting and pick up some groceries. I do not like driving a truck. Not sure if this is because my legs are VERY short or I hate being so high up. The roads were icey this morning and I had to be very careful. This truck can be put into four wheel drive but that does not help on ice, it just helps get through snow. I will never be a truck driving kind of girl I guess. Give me a car with cruise control, a great stereo and tilt a wheel steering and I am a happy driver. Once I get a car with these features I hang onto it for about ten years and it's hard to part with it. This car is pushing 7.

I woke up with a blemish on my face today. How can you be in your 50s and still be breaking out? Mother Nature is cruel. My hair is thinner and with static electricity everywhere due to the constant heat running I am a sorry sight today. It will get worse once I bundle up. My chest has the crackling sound I get from asthma which is due to the cold. I tell you I am one sexy woman today. I need to change out of my jeans with the hole in my knee and put on some professional looking slacks, try to tame my mane, cover my zit, wrap myself up warmly and drive the massive truck over to my meeting. Lord help me.

Happy Birthday my McDreamy

Today is my darling Rob's birthday.
Happy Birthday Baby!
I met Rob just about seven years ago. The first night I met him I was really taken by his smile and gentle way. Many things have taken place in those seven years, good times and bad times. I have to say that even doing the bad times Rob was never less than a caring gentlman. I am so grateful to have him in my life. Last week when my friend invited us to go to Las Vegas and be their honor attendants for their wedding Rob readily agreed, despite an intense fear of flying. He did it and had a great time. Rob is all about having fun.

Yesterday I made a run for bird seed to our local country animal food type store.
On the way out I saw a car coming in and ASSumed they were heading to park in the line of cars that all the others were in. I looked in my rear view and saw it moving. I began to slowly back up and saw nothing in the mirror when I felt resistance as in a heavy metal object. I pulled forward and realized I had hit an SUV. He was in my blind spot I guess. My car received minor damage but his rear passenger door took a nice beating. I was very apologetic to the man, who turned out to be a very nice guy. I did ask him why he had parked in the MIDDLE of the parking lot. He didn't really have an explanation for that. Now I had to call my insurance and put in a claim. I'm not trying to pass the buck. It was my fault and I should have been more careful. Still, I am somewhat annoyed that someone would just park their car in the middle of two rows of parked cars (the parking lot has NO lines of where to park.) Rob, as always, was understanding and even came home early to make sure I was okay. I always know that when the dark clouds are overhead I have a wonderful caring and loving spouse that will make it all seem better. Having spent decades of having to take care of everyone else and not getting much support, I can appreciate him all the better. When we came back from Vegas our friend Don called and asked me if I appreciated Rob. I responded yes and he said that Rob was one of the nicest people he had ever met. Even though I alrady knew that it was good to hear. I am blessed and grateful for it.

Viva Las Vegas!!!!!!!!

The top picture if my best friend Debbie sealing her vows to Don with a kiss. This was on January 27. We were 800 ft. atop the ground in The Stratosphere Hotel observation deck. The restaurant is a lot like the Seattle Space Needle. We had dinner in a restaurant called Top of the World and it was grand. I am exhausted. Hardly slept a few hours. Got up yesterday 6 a.m. Vegas time and only slept half an hour on the plan. Arrived in Philadelphia this morning to see snow falling. Got home and we had a couple of inches on the ground (which has now melted on roadways.) I took a cat nap. Duffy missed us terribly and wants a lot of attention.
We had so much fun in Vegas. We saw most of the hotels and casinos. We never stopped. Had a fabulous dinner at a 3 star hotel Buchon at the Venetian. What a magnificent and beautiful hotel. The meal was not to be topped. We had a trio of appetizers which included pate', salmon, and prisciotto. The salads were outstanding and I had braised shortribs for my entre. It was so delicious. We had a variety of desserts which included sorbet, cookies, brownies and coffee and chocolate sauces. I will need to diet for about three months. Seriously. More later I need a nap.

The Beasty Boys

Here are my "boys". This was taken in my computer room. Rob refers to it as the "rumpus room." You can see Duffy's crate. I have wanted to get rid of it but he seems to think of it as his safe haven. I have bought numberous crate liners, area rugs and even an actual dog bed for it. All have been chewed and ruined except the dog bed which he refuses to leave in there. AS quickly as I put it in, he drags it out. Perhaps because of his thick fur he is warm and prefers the cool bottom of the crate. I figure it's his domain and he can have it the way he wants.

The cat on the other hand, likes warmth and softness. He is often on the back of the sofa while I am sitting on it. While I am on my computer he is stretched out on the comfy reading chair. In this pic he is on the footrest. It's not a great pic of either of them. It's hard to get them together in one shot so I used it anyway.

Today I was going to get my computer room organized. Well that did not happen. Instead I was at the dentist at 8 a.m. to have him fill the "core" of the tooth that was root canaled a month ago. When I woke up there was snow on the ground and the roads looked icey but I went and it was okay. After that I went and had new front tires put on my car. I needed them for winter. I picked up a few groceries and returned home. I was going to take a nap. That did not happen. I played games on the computer and touched base with a friend I haven't spoken with in awhile. I am still tired and need to go into the office tonight from 6-8. Before that I have to run to the store and pick up a prescription that I haven't so far although it's been on my to do list since Saturday.

It's windy and overcast here. Not sure what the weather will be doing but I am sure hoping that on Friday it's clear. That's the day we will be driving to my friend's outside of Philadelphia and taking a limo (when she does something she does it right!) to the airport. We will be arriving two hours before takeoff. I am working on my list of what to bring. Not much can be carried on. I can hardly believe I will be having four days of vacation. It's been five years since we got away and that turned out to be for ONE night. Wayne Newton watch out!

My best friend, Vegas and a new pic

This is my new professional photo. Often in my business people use photos that look nothing like themselves. Women go to the glamour place and get makeup that they could never themselves apply, get their hair done in ways that they could not do and dress with sequins. That is so not me. Other people get an everyday looking shot but have ten or twenty years airbrushed away. When they meet clients the clients are wondering just how old that photo is. I refuse to do that. I am what I am. So here it is. Not sure I made the best choice for the jacket with the lines.

My childhood best friend is getting married again. She is taking Rob and I with her to be her witnesses. She is generously treating us to a four day weekend and we are excited. We really like her fiancee'. As she is telling people some are making plans to be there as well. We will be leaving next Friday about 4. Here is the kicker. My darling husband has never flown before. I have used every tactic to put his fears at ease but I can tell you they have not worked. I asked him before agreeing to go and he told me that he would go. I have visions of him holding onto the airport chairs as we are boarding the plane. I fully understand as I had the same fear until I took my first flight. Both of our mothers were afraid to fly and I think they taught us this fear. Rob's Mom did finally fly but mine never has.
We will be gone over my mother's birthday. In fact my friend's new anniversary will be my mother's birthday. I have to decide what I am wearing and what to take. This weekend I am doing two open houses, one today and one tomorrow. Monday I go to the dentist and then work so I need to get myself into high gear and get moving.

The other thing is what gift to give. They both had households. I am thinking something monogrammed. Any suggestions?

Busy

I have been going nonstop since my last entry. I have an hour long presentation I will make tomorrow to prove that I have the knowledge I am required to have. I love working for this company who offers so much training and support. I am much happier in a corporate environment where everyone is treated equally. I have a mentor who is so colorful. She is extremely knowledgeable and helpful. She is working me hard but at the same time I am getting valuable experience and that's a good thing.

I went to my doctor today and I was less than thrilled at what he had to say. He put me on two more medications. I get frustrated. Tests showed I had pretty clean arteries and he remains concerned about my cholesterol. As it is I have given up eggs, real mayonnaise, butter, red meat etc. The medicine doesn't lower mine enough to please him. A cardiologist does not accept the guidelines that a regular doctor does. Tonight, once again I will be having roasted chicken and vegetables and fantasizing about roast beef. Still, I know that my cholesterol will probably never be low enough. My young nieces and nephews have the same problem. It's familial.

Tomorrow after my presentation I must go to the hospital and get my blood test. After that I am planning on taking it easy. I am doing an open house on Saturday and on Sunday. I need a day to take it easy. When I am home I am usually looking things up online. I know it will get easier in time but right now I am trying to find my first listing and my first buyers. I have leads on both but I need commitment.

The Professional

I have completed another week of classroom and office training for my new career. More and more I have gained knowledge and confidence. I received my proofs today for my professional photo. Of course the photographer offered to retouch a bit. I mean I did my own hair (and of course it had to rain and frizz that day.) I did my own makeup which I am not very good at but at least I look like myself, not like someone else which most of the glamour photos turn out like. Just me. I have been told on occasion that my smile could light up a room. I hope so because that's the biggest thing going for me.

I got my signs today with my name and phone number on them. I am now in the system where I can look up real estate listings. I have a professional email. It's all in place for me. It feels good. I miss some of the people from my previous job. Starting a new job is always bittersweet but I am focusing on the sweet right now.
I am in a wonderful new place with very supportive people. Right now that is making it so much easier for me. They are leaving no stone unturned to give me all the tools that I will need. I am appreciative of all the help I have received from people who have no motive other than genuine kindness. I am grateful that a former coworker is working alongside of me. We both happened to choose the new place on our own. Life is steadily improving for me. I am in a good place.

This and That

I am starting to feel like a real real estate agent. I was at an open house last weekend and had the opportunity to show a lovely property to a woman who complimented me. That was a good experience. I am still in school, and have homework from there and from my very capable mentor.

I am having growing pains. My mother always used that phrase to describe when we were going through a bad time of something that we knew would leave us in a different place when it was over. Someone who I thought knew me, a "friend" of thirty years started accusing me (to others, not to me personally) of things that were simply not true. Her husband called me the other evening to ask me how I could be so hurtful. I had no clue what he was even talking about until he explained himself. This was news to me. I attempted to call this person to discuss what it was they thought I was doing when they would not take the call. I then received an email from them telling me how they were feeling attacked by me. My reaction was complete shock. Then hurt. If someone knows you for thirty years how can they NOT know you? And furthermore how can they tell you that they are so badly hurt but when they feel better they will continue the friendship that they value. Does this make sense to anyone? It does NOT make any to me. Why would someone who truly believed this WANT the friendship with someone they believe to be so heinous? My email reply was that it would not be necessary for that person to contact me again. I put a lot of value in friendships. When someone wants to accuse me, falsly and without proof, then I do not believe there is a friendship to begin with.

My best friend will be getting married in Vegas the weekend of the 26th. We will be going with the happy couple. I am excited. My friend knows I am having a tough time right now. She has offered to treat us. We desperately need to get away.

Right now we are very concerned about my sister-in-law. She just had a feeding tube put in. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. She is in her early thirties and she has an eight year old daughter. She is very depressed and now with her radiation treatments her hair is coming out. My mother-in-law works and is taking care of her daughter and granddaughter when she is home from work. My sister-in-law lost so much weight and she was slight to begin with. She is continueing to work because she used up all her disability time while recovering from two surgeries.

At times like this we are hanging on to our faith and our hope. Please say a prayer for Jen. She wants to gain some weight, enjoy her daughter and get back to her college courses. She's spunky and my money's on her.

PEACE

I have always been a huge fan of the peace sign. I used to have a tee shirt that was white and had tiny red peace signs which almost made stripes in the shirt. In many of my photos at the shore between ages 14 and 16 I am wearing it. I had a huge glass purple peace sign I won in Asbury Park hanging from my curtain rod in my bedroom which otherwise was pink and feminine with my canopy bed and pink princess phone.
Oh the conversations I had on that phone.....some lasting until the wee hours of the morning. Some comments where I was so tired I could not recall having made them the next day when they were repeated back to me. I remember well the Indian moccasins I loved wearing. The ones with the long fringe on the side. Love bead jewelery, tiny beads that were made into flowers forming necklaces and bracelets. Those were some of my most carefree times in life. I had a little red Buddha incense burner. My parents went bonkers over that. Of course that made owning it more fun.
Today I read an interesting fact about the peace symbol. Lord Bertrand Russell, head of the British campaign for nuclear disarmament had someone create a badge to be worn by members at their first anti-nuclear weapon demonstration in 1958. The original was hot pink on a black background. The word peace was on the top arch and under it a small white dove. The designer used the letters N and D from the Navy Semaphore Code. If only they would have known that it would become a universal symbol for a group of people and that it would remain popular decades later. I love the concept of peace. It's something that means so much to me. Not just on a globular level but to me in my own emotional state. Sometimes at mass there is a line that we sing that ends "grant us your peace". Often when the weights of the problems feel so heavy upon me, I choke and cannot sing this part. I think when we do things to put each other in a peaceful frame of mind we give the greatest gift possible. If we do not have peace, we have nothing that can take it's place.

Peace begins with a smile. Mother Teresa

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. Ghandi

If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else. Marvin Gaye

Peace be with you.

My Accent..........having been in Maryland until 10 and then New Jersey.........

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Northeast
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

A gloomy day and a good read

It began raining here sometime during the night. It's cold and damp. I woke up at 4 a.m. and began to read a book I had purchased last week. ( A book that was on the New York Times Bestseller list.) Some might think it odd that I would want to read a book about leukemia. This book, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult is so well done.

It is about as accurate a book about a family with a child with leukemia as I have ever read.
The story is one of where a younger daughter was conceived to be a bone marrow donor to the two year old daughter of a couple. The daughter from her birth has been used as a donor of sorts. Even the umbilical cord from her birth was used to help give the older daughter a fighting chance. Eventually, the younger daughter, now 13 decides that she has given enough and is entitled to live her life in the best interests of her body. I am only through the first one hundred pages but it is fascinating reading. Especially to me. When my son got leukemia one of the first things they asked about were siblings. There were none. For a leukemia patient, the ideal thing is to have a sibling who is a perfect match for you. That is usually only possible with an identical twin but sometimes a sibling is a close enough match. In my case my son and I did not share the same blood type. Like all four of my siblings, my son was type A and I was a different type. My sister was tested and was in the ballpark for a match. We didn't do any further testing as it was not something necessary. My son was registered in a bone marrow transplant bank. I wish I could make some healthy people realize that to give bone marrow is often to give the gift of life.
I know children who received additional years even if not cured from the transplants. In order to be tested you have a simple blood test. Often there are testing drives when a sick child is in an area. The testing is not inexpensive and often fund raising drives cover those costs. You are not a potential donor if you have ever had cancer yourself. You must be healthy.

This book makes me wonder if someday all umbilical cords will be stored as an insurance of sorts. Or that all people will be HLA (tissue type) tested and records kept on file. I would love to see what great advances medical science will make in the coming years regarding these issues.
This is where I would like to see our government funds going as opposed to many things that I cannot agree with.

I do not see the need to fly a past president's body all over the country at a huge cost to taxpayers. I would truly respect a past president who planned his funeral and asked that instead of all that expense that taxpayers make a donation to the food banks of Washington, D.C. or to some other worthy charities. A President currently in office is a different matter. It just doesn't sit right with me that someone's body is flown all over at taxpayer expense while some people will go without any food today. Maybe that's just me. It's nothing against any of our past presidents. I would not think their families would want to be put through all that traveling either. They had to live their lives in public at one time, let them have their privacy now. IMHO

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! My hope is that the new year will bring us all peace.


I am thinking back on all the changes my life has seen in the recent years. Some of them have been difficult, but I am trying to view them as opportunities to learn and grown. I have worked hard to get myself to a place where I can begin a new career, one which I have control over, to at least some degree. This has given me back some of my self confidence which had taken a real beating the past year. Some people wish to roll the clock back and be many years or decades younger. I do not wish that. Life has taught me many lessons that I would not wish to repeat, but having survived them I am a much stronger person. There are times I wish I could make people be me, if only for one day. I think they would learn a lot too. I do not take anything for granted. Each day I know that I am receiving a gift. No one knows how much time they have left but when you deal with the problems that I do, you know that they should all be savored and lived to their highest potential. I had to make some difficult changes recently to gain back the quality of my days. I cannot control the quantity of my days but I can take all the steps I can to insure the quality. I wish all of you quality days and most of all I wish you the knowledge of the gift of each day.

Merry Christmas to All and to all a Goodnight

I had a wonderful Christmas. Last night my spirits were not too bright but I put my best face on and we went to my brother, Bob's house. He had a nice crowd which included two surprise guests, my niece and her fiancee'. I hadn't known she was dating anyone since her break up during the summer so it was quite a shock. I didn't get to talk to him much but it was good to see her, she made a long drive from upstate New York to see us. As usual my sisters-in-law were a lot of fun. We had a nice time and got to spend some time with the newest member of our family baby Cadence who is a few months old. She had on the cutest Santa outfit. My sister-in-law gave me a great handbag (have I ever mentioned my love of handbags?) Came home and went to bed and this morning we woke up bright and early thanks to out cat alarm. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I knew I was getting my flat screen monitor and didn't expect much more. I should have known better when the Leprechaun Santa is on the job. He consulted with our friend Tim, quilter extraordinaire and got me a sewing machine. I was delighted and look forward to doing a few things with it. I also got the most adorable Christmas monKey ornament with two monkeys. I think my favorite gift of all though was a business card holder. It has hot pink flowers on a border with my name engraved on it. Inside is the slogan my husband suggested that I use. I love it! All my gifts were wonderful but this one reflected such thought. My son came over and gave me an electronic organizer and a real estate dictionary which he proceeded to quiz me on. That guy! He was amazed at what I already know but I will be taking two weeks of further training next week.

My husband received some good stuff from Mrs. Claus which included a beer making kit, DVDS of the show House and a PS2 game. I was sad that the lottery tickets in his stocking were not big winners. I guess he will be going to work tomorrow after all.

We spent most of the day at my mother's house. My brother his wife, sister, her daughter, parents and my grandmother were there. We had a nice dinner. Sometime later my sister's significant other arrived. My sister has a horrible cold. She will be leaving in the morning. Tomorrow will be a hectic day for me as I run around getting papers I need and checks. Today was a much needed escape from the problems of the recent past. I am tired and looking forward to a restful night. This Christmas went surprisingly well and I am happy that I got to spend it with two relatives I have not spent time with in a very long time. Merry Christmas and good night.

Staying Afloat

Right now I am battling within myself. I am struggling to understand why some people say things and then when you take their advice get angry at you. I am wondering why people cannot just be happy that you have worked hard and put yourself in a place where you can possibly have more income (income of necessity not want). If they can't dictate to you how to live your life then they question your loyalty. What is that all about? Does one have to ruin any financial opportunities to prove loyalty? I think the key is that one must do what one needs to survive.
I am reminded of a quote "Don't tell me who you are. Don't tell me what you'll do. Show me what you've done and I will know you."

I just read a wonderful entry by Judith HeartSong. She makes such wonderful observations about life. She speaks how such situations are learning experiences. I must view this that way. I am about to embark on a journey. Where paychecks will not be steady. I have not received a paycheck in three weeks. (I am expecting to receive one for two of those weeks soon.) It's a bit scary. I have to view this as an opportunity to receive an education at which time I will start to earn money. Patience. Something I need to work on.

Christmas time has always been a struggle for me. It began when I was ten years old. I remember that Christmas as though it were yesterday. We took in a brother and sister foster children. My mother knew their aunt. For Christmas we were poor, my father was in the Navy and there were four of us children already. We crammed them into our rooms and now there were three sharing our double bed. For Christmas my mother bought the girl a teardrop pearl necklace. It was beautiful. My sister and I received a child's table with two chairs. It was ideal for my three year old sister but I was ten and although petite couldn't fit close to the table on the tiny chairs. My cousin called me and I went to her house. She had received a metal miniature kitchen. The sink even had running water. She also received a beautiful birthstone ring and many other things. I had such envy. It was so hard to deal with. The foster daughter was very mean to me. My mother kept telling me that I had to be understanding. At night she dug her fingernails into my arms until they bled. It was hard to be understanding. Finally they went back to their parents. We never heard from them again. Since then Christmas became an emotional ordeal for me. I still don't understand why but years later this haunts me. This year has been especially tough for us. We are both from large families. We have twelve nieces and nephews between us and two greats. We also have seven siblings and four of them have spouses. Over the years I have asked to stop exchanging. Some have agreed but most have not. I am overwhelmed with trying to shop and buy for all these people. Many of them buy anything they want all year and want or need nothing. Yesterday one who had agreed three year ago not to exchange called to tell me that she had bought us both gifts. Now in the eleventh hour am I expected to be out shopping for them? It gets harder each year. My charge bills arrived yesterday and thought I might need medical attention. I want to stop the madness. My mother-in-law's gifts are still here because I didn't have the money to ship them up there. I did ship the box with the children's toys earlier. I love buying gifts and I love giving. When the giving is so sacrificial it becomes difficult. It took me until the summer to pay off my charges last year. If my situation remains the same next year I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and refuse any adult exchanges except for each other, my son and our parents. I just can't keep going through this year after year. It ruins the holidays. I want to experience a Christmas Eve with the excitement that I once could. No stress, no pressure. I want the gifts I give to be sharing time, quality time with people I care about. Not an obligatory gift that I know they will be thinking "Who can I regift this to?" Sorry but how can I give you anything you want when you buy what you want on a daily basis? What can I give someone who is receiving diamond jewelery each year? Why do I feel pressured to go out shopping to get something for someone who agreed not to exchange knowing that I have two prescriptions I will be running out of in two days that will wait until my paycheck arrives to be filled.

This is my Christmas prayer: Lord please help me stop the madness and fill my heart with peace. Please don't let this stress get to me and necessitate a trip to the ER because I can't afford the copay. Amen.

Four Days and Counting

I cannot believe we are four short days away from Christmas. The countdown has begun.
Today I had the priviledge of taking my 94 1/2 year old grandmother grocery shopping. She is so sweet, words cannot describe my joy at spending time with her. I always think of the Christmas story about the cup of tea. How this woman goes into a house which brings back Christmas memories like a flood. My grandmother does that for me. My grandfather has been gone many years and I still miss him. To think that she will be gone one day just terrifies me.
She talks about that and I have to go into denial mode. I am seizing all the moments that I can with her right now. Thanksgiving was lonely for us. Although Rob and I are always happy to be together we only saw my son and no other members from either side of the family. Christmas we will have my grandmother here, my sister and her two daughters here and will be going Christmas Eve to my brother's house. It will be busy and we will see many of my family members. Rob's family haven't been here in three years. Fortunately, my parents who were dead set against meeting him have taken him into their hearts. Sometimes I think they like him more than me. Of course there are times I wonder whether they like me at all. Seriously.

I had Rob dye my hair last night. I have decided I cannot afford to get it professionally done anymore. It grows way too fast and often I am not happy with it. I was born with black hair. I was often asked if I had Asian ancestry which to my knowledge I did not. My grandfather's family were Black Irish. That means they had black hair and blue eyes. I always wanted that combination and think of Snow White when I think of that combo. My mother had that when she was younger. Now her hair is entirely gray and she refuses to put any color on it. I got the black hair but not the blue eyes. I have decided to have my hair be dark brown. It looks softer on a coughmiddleagedcough woman. It's also easier to add highlights or lowlights to.

I am tired tonight. I didn't sleep well last night. Change does not come easy for me like it once did. Even when we make changes we feel necessary it is hard to leave people behind. I hope as I get busier with launching a new career that will lessen. A new year dawns. I hope it will bring a feeling of financial security. I hope it will provide me with an opportunity to take a vacation, something I have not done in over a decade. Mostly though, I hope it will bring me good health and healthy relationships with the people in my life who matter most.

Changes in the Air

I am doing a lot of soul searching right now. Wondering where I should be in terms of my new license. There are many different ways it can be used and I am investigating the options which will be best for me. If I become a full time agent and give up my current part time job I will lose the security of the income (which is modest) however I will be giving myself an option to earn much more. I think I know what to do and have been receiving advice from people who have made careers for themselves. It's exciting but when one leaves the safety net it's always a bit uneasy.

I am still dragging from when I was sick several weeks ago. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and never did get back to sleep. I dozed but not the good restful sleep. I keep thinking how nice it would be to be making my own schedule more or less. I know that I have been way too stressed out. It's not good for me physically or mentally.

Tonight is my office Christmas party. Oops I mean holiday party. They start it at 4 which is ridiculous because noone shows up between 4 and 5. It goes until 8. At 8 a great new musician who just cut his first CD will be playing at a local pub. I would love to go providing I can stay awake. I think I could force myself.

Hanging Tough

December has been a rough patch for me. While I love Autumn and early Winter weather and the holidays I have not been feeling well or rested. I missed two weeks of work just after Thanksgiving and I just can't feel rested no matter how much sleep I get. Last night my sister called which was a wonderful surprise and we talked for two hours. I got to bed just before midnight and had to get up at 7a.m. Since I don't work on Tuesdays that wasn't plesant. I had to get up, get showered, get medicated and get to the endodontist for my root canal. I really dreaded this. I have to take a huge amount of antibiotics before I go and often am running into the bathroom frequently before the procedure begins. I have to say that I was thrilled with the wonderful and capable Dr. Berger. I told him if I ever need another root canal he'll be the one doing it. He was very relaxing and gentle and the entire procedure was painless. That was very different from my two previous root canals done by dentists. The procedure was completed in one day! I just have to go to my regular dentist for the permanent filling and I'm done. The novocaine has worn off and I have a bit of discomfort but nothing I can't handle.

Yesterday as I arrived home from work I saw a message blinking. My mammogram that I had several days ago and got a thumbs up for seemed to trouble another radiologist and I need to go back for more films. Since I had a breast cancer lesion removed two years ago I am a bit nervous. Hoping it will be okay, I go back a week from this Thursday.

Next Tuesday I get digitally fingerprinted. In my entire life I have never been fingerprinted. At least I won't have black ink all over the place but you know what this means. IF I ever commit a crime, they will readily identify me. Thankfully, I have nothing planned.

Today my one man support system Rob took off a day and took me to the endodontist. That helped me. When we finished there we ran into the mall and picked up a few things for Christmas and something for our friend's birthday. It will arrive belatedly but at least it will arrive.

It's overcast outside. This year our neighborhood has gone light on outdoor decorations, as have we. I want to make sure that next year I don't plan medical procedures or tests or any stressful things during the month of December. If things are going well financially maybe I will even take December off! No matter how stressed I am, no matter how full my plate is, I know that my life is good and that there are good people who truly care about me. There are others in my life who are not good people, who seem to enjoy being deceptive and who don't want me to succeed. I know that I am not responsible for those people. I keep them at arm's length and let karma deal with them. They will not rob me of my joy at all that is good.

A Tuesday to Be Thankful For

Tonight I am looking back on a day well spent. Yesterday I had a bit of a melt down feeling the pressure of my state licensing exam that I had to take today. Rob was home from work and was subject to my emotional bouts of terror. I did manage to get some studying in and took two practice tests online which helped to prepare me.

This morning I was up bright and early to do some final studying. My dear friend from work called me (one of the ladies I had taken the course with) to tell me she had just come from work and had said prayers for me. She gave me a pep talk as well. I simply adore this woman. I got dressed and decided to leave a bit early to pop in on my friend Monica who I worked with over thirty years ago. Her daughter was there with her four year old daughter who recently finished chemo and is doing well now. I met Monica's daughter when she was four years old and today I was looking at HER four year old daughter. Rather than feeling old I was explaining to Monica and her daughter that I had survived my cancer thirty years and am still going strong. Little Madison is a lovely girl and I took an angel that played Silent Night and she sang along with the angel. My heart was melting and I suppressed my feeling to just squeeze her so tightly. I feel it's important to act as normal as possible with a child under these circumstances. We had a nice visit and it lifted my spirits and Monica expressed her faith in me as well.

I headed over to the testing center. At the door I paused wondering if I could do this. I have had so much stress over this test. I read somewhere that 40% fail the first time. I did all my paperwork, had a horrible picture taken and was ushered inside with absolutely nothing. My purse had to be locked up. We couldn't even use our own pencils. Only a calculator of the simplest kind was allowed in. They allow 4 hours for the test. I can tell you that it is a very difficult test. They offer choices which make fine distinctions. You need to know the material thoroughly and be able to apply it to situations. I finished the test in under two hours. I walked out and they told me it would be a few minutes before the computer would give them the results. The results are pass or fail and not scored. Not sure why but that's how it is. My hands felt shakey although I thought I did okay. There was only one math question that I redid several times and couldn't get. I just moved on. After what seemed like an eternity the man smiled so broadly and said "YOU PASSED." I felt weak in the news. The tears began to flow and I was ferklempt. They handed me tissues. I explained to them how stressed out I have been. They said that they were glad I passed because if I were this upset over passing........... Yeah. I left with a huge sense of relief. Later my cell phone rang and my other coworker who took the class with me was calling. She had just passed her test and wanted to know that I had passed mine. She said if I hadn't it wouldn't have been as sweet for her. Yes I told her. I passed. I made many phone calls to let people know. I am proud of what I have accomplished. It wasn't easy to work and go to school and do the studying that I did. The important thing is that I did it. It will open up some other opportunities for me as far as income is concerned.

We went to IHOP to celebrate. We're just frivolous like that. :)
Seriously, I have missed two weeks of work with illness and studying. When I sell my first house we can celebrate then.

I just have one more thing to get through before I can relax. Next Tuesday I am having a root canal. While most people don't enjoy them, I find the dentist terrifying. Rob is taking me. I am not fooled. He wants to make sure I actually show up. After then, I will be able to enjoy eating hot/warm foods again. Right now it's not too pleasant.

As though visiting a friend, receiving tons of support from friends, passing the test and dinner at IHOP were not enough, I came online and saw that Jennifer, my journal guardian angel put up a Christmas tree and made it snow. Thank you, Jennifer.

Some days like today remind me how much I love life. Yes, you never know what new joys will unfold on any given day. Thank you God for another day of life.

Little Walks Down Memory Lane

Often I will read an entry in another's blog that will jog a little memory of my own. Tonight Jennifer was talking about her grandmonster turning 13 soon. It made me remember the traumatic incident that occured in my thirteen year old life.

We had a foster child named Michael. His father, stepmother and their children lived in a development. Michael couldn't get along with the others and they put him in foster care. He was a friend of my other friend Dee and I persuaded my parents to take him in. He was with us about a year I think. He had many friends from his development and one day he asked us to go and pick one guy up so they could hang out. I remember the first glimpse I caught of his friend, Ray. He had the largest, most piercing blue eyes and a beautiful smile. One glance and I was a smitten kitten. For the following year we went to each other's school dances and lots of trips in groups. We "went steady" for much of that time. During the end of the year Ray had "needs" that I was not willing to meet. He made it clear to me that their were other more worldly girls that were willing to. He tried to negotiate and bargain but I just wasn't that kind of girl. In June one night he called me and told me that he was breaking up. It was absolutely devastating to me. I called my best friend Debbie and through sobs told her how my world had ended. She had her Mom come and get me to spend the night at her house. I will never forget her mother, Dorothy telling me that there were "plenty of fish in the sea" and me sobbing in reply that there was only one FISH for me and Ray was it. We played "The End of the World" and other heart rendering songs as I cried throughout the night.

About a year later I fell in love, the real thing that lasted for three years with someone else. One day out of the blue Ray called me. He told me that he now understood what a jerk he had been.

The interesting thing is that from the day I first set eyes on Ray, I developed a "thing" for blue eyes. I always tell people never to underestimate the power of a teenage crush. Teenagers are vulnerable and often struggle with low self esteem. I am happy to report that my life was not ruined but it hurt at the time and I can still remember how I felt some forty years later.

'Tis The Season to be Stressed fa la la la la la la la la

I read an entry earlier about the commercialism of the Christmas holiday. It's so very true. This year, I have tried not to buy obligatory items but things that will have sentimental meaning to people. Still, I get weary. Although not up to it, I ran to the mall for gift certificates for my niece and nephew. They are great kids. It just feels so cold and impersonal to me.

One of my coworkers (who also took the real estate course with me) Melinda has sworn off all gifts. She started this last year when she said she had become completely overwhelmed. She has four grown children, the youngest of which is in an expensive college. She works THREE jobs, all part time. She has such a gentle voice and is a very compassionate person. When she told people she was going to implement this last year, they looked at her like she had three heads.
She went on to tell people that she would not accept gifts from them. This will be her second Christmas without the gift buying stress. She was telling me the other night how much more joy she can have. She still does a huge family gathering at her home. She makes a big deal over her children's birthdays. She just won't do the Christmas gift thing anymore. I love her courage.
One year I suggested to my family that we give donations to charities in each other's names.
My father who has everything humanly possible went ballistic. This is the man who year after year rips open something and ridicules it. This year he is getting a gift card to his favorite restaurant. My mother would no doubt cry all day if she didn't receive a gift. Again, there is virtually nothing you can buy her that she doesn't already have. Their VCR is only used when one of us is there to operate it for them.

Maybe next year Melinda's bravery will rub off on me and I will declare "Stop the madness."
Food for thought. Bon appetit.