Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Anniversary Thoughts....and Wedding Moments

Today is our eighth anniversary. Marrying Rob is one of the few things I have never regretted.
I have three distinct memories of that day that I treasure.
One was my childhood best friend looking at me before we walked into the room and I began to cry. "Second thoughts?" she said. "Deb, these are tears of happiness." (Mind you I have only shed tears of happiness three times in my life. Once when I held my son for the first time. Secondly, when my son finally went into remission on the final day where we still were given hope. Thirdly that moment right before I walked down the aisle.) The second moment forever in my mind was when Rob saw me. He was waiting for me across the room and we met in the middle and walked up the aisle together. He grabbed his heart and smiled from ear to ear. It was a moment to make any bride feel the most beautiful ever.
During our reception Rob's baby sister Jennifer came over and we danced. I had them play several Irish songs and one was the "Unicorn Song." Jen and I alone swept the dance floor and had the best time. After that she proclaimed us the unicorn sisters. I was the big unicorn sister and she the little unicorn sister. We gave each other unicorns for gifts and I still have a lovely pink one in my bedroom. We had such joy. She had told me earlier in the year that if her brother didn't propose she was going to because she simply had to have me in her family.
I miss Jen and think of her often but that is my favorite memory of her.
When people take vows, they never anticipate what might happen. About two years later Rob had to support me through open heart surgery. I was in intensive care for a week and it took me a year to fully recover. After that there were many other things to deal with. Rob has had his hands full supporting me. He has never complained. He got angry when one of our neighbors came over and was complaining about having to care for her sick husband. When Rob left the room she told me that he had to resent all my health issues. I just smiled and told her that when people truly love you, they are not thinking of themselves but only you. She said "Then I guess I don't love K."
I know this. I love Rob and Rob loves me. No one can change that. I wish more people could know the kind of love we have felt for each other. The world would be a better place.
Thank you Rob for the ten years you have always been there for me. There has never been a moment I have not felt loved. The last decade has been the hardest in many ways but because of you I've survived it and had great joy. You are the only person who could finish my sentences for me, and the odd thing is you were doing that after I had known you only a month! When I find it hard to keep going, I make myself because of you. You make it all worth while.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Weekend Activity

This weekend we vowed to take it easy. Thursday at work I ate a salad that literally set me on fire. It has buffalo chicken pieces in it (small) and it was served in a taco bowl which I nibbled a little of. By dinner time I was in pain and the evening found me doubled over. Friday I made it into work and worked through the pain but it was not easy. Saturday I called the doctor and went in. Now the pain seemed to radiate into my side and make sleeping difficult. He touched my stomach in several places and found one spot that set me into intense pain. He told me I have an ulcer. Put me on some medicine for 14 days to heal it as I eliminate certain things from my diet. YIKES.

I am much better today some 24 hours later. I am making the very mild but homemade mac and cheese for supper.
Rob loves it anyway. Always make an extra for my parents who rave over it. Otherwise, taking it nice and easy....really looking forward to next weekend, three days. Just found out my sister is coming Thursday to my Mom's and staying through the day Monday. I sense shopping in my future. We shop for homegoods more than clothes these days. The older I get the more I appreciate, have a friend in my sister. Noone else knows what I am going through with my Dad like she does. She loves Rob and he enjoys the brotherly attentions he receives. We still miss Rob's sister so much. Even though we lived far away she emailed and called and always made us laugh. Sometimes you don't know what you have 'til it's gone. I know....I know that I am fortunate to still have her and I am happy to share her with Rob.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Tired and Getting Plenty Done

I really struggled to finish out my week at work this week. I have a small work cubicle and at times I have to get things I store below the desk top. I got dizzy several times doing that. Then I had some rather rambunctious customers on the phone who felt they needed a scapegoat to unleash on. Sorry but I just let that roll off my back which makes them even angrier. On the other hand I was able to assist two customers (businessmen) who thanked me profusely and told me how great I was at my job. Those are the calls I will dwell on. One Rangers fan even forgave me for my devotion to the Devils. (For anyone who might not know those are hockey teams who are real rivals.)

Saturday I was up bright and early running errands, getting blood work, mailing bills. My sister came to Jersey to help out with my Dad. Caring for him is proving more and more of a challenge to my 78 year old mother. We help as much as we can but with working full time and running our own home, our time we have is limited. Dad is getting weaker by the day and it's hard to watch his slow decline. At times he becomes agitated and cusses like a sailor. (He was in the Navy so it's appropriate. ) My Mom always forbidded any "four letter words" so she falls apart. His aides were called SOBs and she was embarassed. I have explained to her repeatedly that they are trained to recognize dementia and see it in many patients. All three of the people currently helping out with Dad are from Guayna. It's amazing how often they go there to visit their families. At these times it becomes increasing difficult to get someone there at least twice a day. Mind you, Mom pays for all of this care out of pocket. The minimum is three thousand dollars per month. She is worried about money although I assured her today that she still owns property and a farm she could sell if need be. I told her that at their ages (Dad will be turning 88 in October) I can't see them running through their money. My sister left to go home at six a.m. this morning and my mother fell apart. My sister works full time and has a daughter leaving for college tomorrow. We are all so proud of her daughter who will be going to pharmacist school. She has been working in chemical research while completing her master's. She is a wonderful person who always has a smile for everyone. She tried to get into a closer school but was offered a position in Chicago and Atlanta and she chose Chicago. Flights are not cheap but I promised to help if necessary so she can be with us at Christmas, she has been every year.

Rob's computer is getting a much needed "tune up" depending on the outcome of what they tell us, we may have to buy another computer this week. If they can fix the old desk top we will still get him an inexpensive laptop. I wish we could afford a nice Mac for him but not at this time. My plan is to continue to pay off medical bills and money I owe my company for benefits they kept for me while I was out. I figure by December I will be caught up. Oh happy day.
Well, it's been a restful weekend for the most part. I hate Mondays but I know the weeks fly by and another weekend will be here before we know it. Have a good week everyone.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Small Update

Yesterday I managed to leave work a few hours early so I could get the chest xray I have needed. Who knows what they will figure out about the "new thing" on my right lung? I figure it is most likely scar tissue and if it is something else I will deal to when I have no other option.

Today is lovely, much cooler than it has been. Rob has gone to the local flea/farmer's market to browse. Too much walking for me and besides I am going to tackle this kitchen floor. White kitchen floors when you have two animals who use your sliding glass door dozens of times a day, simply don't mix. Duffy is shedding his winter coat and there is dog hair which I sweep and vacumn nearly every day. Today he is going to the groomer who will get a lot of it off.

My neighbor came over last night for a visit, bringing a bottle of TGIF margaritas. They don't compare to Chilis but I was tired and they were free so I had a few. Lots to do this weekend as usual. So many things get ignored during the work week and pushed back for the weekend.

Well, enough procrastinating. I simply must have breakfast and get busy on this floor. I am actually bringing out the heavy artillery, the bucket and scrub brush. Wish me luck.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Still Here and Functioning

I have been so exhausted I have neglected blog entries. I go to work and come home, eat, perhaps watch an hour of tv and go to sleep. Monday to Friday that's the drill.

I find it so difficult to get from my car to my desk. I get winded and have to stop repeatedly (sometimes I actually feel faint) and then people all rush over and ask if I am okay. Soooo embarassing. I feel like I most apologize for my lungs.
Cripes. When I have training I have to walk all the way across the entire building and I am terribly worn out. Best of all, I am doing everything with every minute of my day accounted for (literally). Sometimes I wonder if it can possibly be worth it. Wouldn't I be better off living in a hut somewhere eating food I grew or found? I'm just not that earthy. I can hardly take camping with the bugs. I need my laptop and internet and some good earrings. Sorry but my hippie ways of baking my own bread have been replaced with being content to buying multigrain bread.I do still prefer hand crafted earrings though.

As though the lung issues weren't enough, the job stress is shooting my sugar levels up. This causes me to feel dizzy. Nothing like being on the phone with a customer who is screaming at you while you're feeling dizzy. Lord have mercy. The other day I actually had a customer who was so angry that throughout the call she tried to find every way to insult me. Not the other company who she should have been made at, but me, personally. At the end of the call she wished me a "blessed day" and then called me some insults colored with curse words. Can you imagine?

Well I have to leave...just got done reviewing all my medical claims. I wouldn't mind so much if I FELT better. I am having my benefit money I owed while out taken out and paying on all the things I owe besides. I think I need a retreat but it would have to be really, really inexpensive. Oh and no bugs!