Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Doing the Right Thing

Today I did something I never expected I would have done. I accompanied my ex spouse to a doctor for a visit. He began having memory difficulties twenty years ago after what was probably a partial complex seizure. Since then his short term memory has been problematic.
He also began having some violent outbursts shortly afterwards. When he has seen doctors he has not been able to relate the things that he cannot remember. I offered to go and fill that in for him at his new neurologist today and I did.

What is interesting is the feedback I have received from others. Some praised me for being so kind to someone who in the past didn't show me much kindness. Others said I should have named a price to do this for him and guaranteed I would get something back out of it. That is just not me. I did mention to him today that as part of my divorce settlement I was getting his life insurance. When he retires in two days the value of what it was at my divorce will be reduced by 90%. He never told the lawyer that the policy would drop to that when he retired. Several years ago I would have come completely unhinged by this. Today I am a mellower person. I brought this to his attention and I am hoping he may do something to compensate me for this, if not then so be it. I cannot give him the power to make my life miserable. I won't do that to myself.

I am so tired. Although I love having an extra day off of work the ten and a half hour days are so long and tiring. I would prefer a five day week instead. Going to see if I can get something done about that.
Time for bed and hopefully a good night's sleep.

Saturday, July 12, 2008


For the first time in my life. I am a minority in the workplace. When most people think of a minority they think of race. There are many factors which can apply to being in the minority.

I am a middle aged employee. It hurts to even say or write it. In the workplace there are so many people in their twenties or thirties. There are about half a dozen of us who are fiftyish.

The younger of the employees have been going to movies, out to dinner, for drinks and even organizing social activities. I am in the minority also by being married. Most are single or divorced. After working ten hour days (which means I am gone from my home for twelve hours) I come home, usually express gratitude for something my loving spouse and caretaker has prepared for me to consume, try to veg out in front of the TV and prop my feet up for two hours before falling into my bed and slipping into a comalike state. (Oddly enough I wake about 4 a.m. the next day and often cannot go back to sleep.) The next day I listen with sheer amazement to how these youthful coworkers went out to dinner, had drinks and went to a club to dance while I slept. I still seem to be more tired than they are. Having said that, I am not sitting there consuming several Red Bulls as they do. I have ONE caffeinated coffee and a soft drink at lunch time. Some of these people make towers with their empty cans. I have to wonder if they were forced to stop this habit if they would crash and burn.

I work with a melting pot of people. I enjoy that. We are a company of diversity. I find it fascinating to talk to people from India about the ashrams and other aspects of their religion.

I have been in conversations where I was the only white person and the conversation was about discrimination and I was told that because of my complexion I would never be the victim of that. I was the minority for the moment and for the first time in my life I realized what that felt like.

Life is so interesting. Even though there are times where I am a bit uncomfortable I am still learning. I am getting to know the most wonderful woman in her late fifties. She is very wise and I am the recipient of many of her insights. I hope I never stop learning.

This weekend I get to spend time with my grandmother. She will be turning 96 this Tuesday and I get to spend that special day with her. I was realizing the other day what a young grandmother she was. I was born when she was just 42. I was 12 when she was my age now. She has enriched my life in so many ways. She looks fabulous for her age and I have more gray hair (underneath the dye) than she does. I have seen her mellow with age. She doesn't feel that divorce is the end of the world as she once did. She actually deffended me to a minister. She accepts the interracial couples in our family and often comments about the beauty of the babies.

She has seen so much. She buried her parents, seven siblings and her husband. She has lived a rich life and her own mother lived to be 97. She can still drive if necessary and she still gardens and scrubs her kitchen floor from time to time on her knees. You know, they just don't make 'em like that anymore. I hope to have her for a few more years. In her words "God willing".

Friday, July 11, 2008

Ten hours to the weekend

My ten hour days are longggggggggggggggggg. Although I love having my Tuesdays off the four days I work are really difficult at times. This week we had a lot of system issues which caused me to make a mistake. That gave me stress. Thankfully my boss took care of it for me and knowing someone has your back and is working for you really helps.

My birthday was Tuesday. I was sick with a sinus infection. Really knocked me for a loop.
My three brothers called to wish me a happy birthday and my sister. That is rare. We had planned to do dinner and a movie but I wasn't up for it. Another day. I did get my cake and it was lovely and ever so delicious. The following day my neighbor showed up with a gift as I was opening a box which arrived earlier in the day. My mother-in-law sent me a generous gift of cosmo supplies, a fabulous hand painted martini glass and even some snacks. Guess what yours truly will be sipping this weekend? My niece is coming to visit my parents with her baby, Harrison. He is a cutie only a few months old. Seeing him will be a treat. Hoping I can find a few minutes to pick him up something.

My yard looks so beautiful. Our shrubs are covered in white or pink flowers. My rose of sharons are covered in huge blooms, my Princess Diana rose bush has the most gorgeous blooms and even the side has huge day lily blooms. For my birthday I selected a beautiful clay bird bath. It's truly a work of art, will try to get some pics of it. How I love nature. Yesterday at work a wonderful gentle soul from India was praying. He told me that each morning they must praise the sun to get good luck for the day. Interesting. Someday I hope to be able to go to an ashram to enjoy the meditation. In the meantime my heart does give thanks for the beauty of my own tiny yard and the creatures that share it with me.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Happy 4th of July weekend

I truly enjoyed seeing my bff at her daughter's wedding. Whew it was hot in Philadelphia last weekend as we took a trolley tour of the city in a bus with no a.c. The bride was lovely wearing a gown she designed. The bride wore hot pink satin shows that were so pretty and her bridesmaid gowns matched. The flowers were hot pink for the most part and so beautifully done by the bride's Aunt Suzanne who flew in from Germany with her son Zach for the wedding. Sue worked so hard for days getting things just so. There were no paper mache containers but lovely glass held the lovingly placed blooms. No one type of flower but everything imaginable from roses to hydrangae blooms. The cocktail hour and reception were held at the Seaport Museum. While we dined we overlooked water. Of course we enjoyed ourselves dancing and the wedding cake was served surrounded by the most wonderful summer berries; strawberries, raspberries and blueberries. When the reception ended we journeyed back to the hotel and sat shooting the breeze for a couple more hours. The next day we had brunch then made our way home. It's nice to get away and it was a lovely weekend. It is so good to sleep in your own bed though!

Yesterday I woke up feeling achey with intestinal distress. I just hung out on my sofa watching a Law & Order marathon. Low key. We didn't even fire up the grill. Today my sister arrives from New York for a few days. Guess we will have some kind of dinner with her at my parents later.
I remember being a kid and just loving the fireworks. I remember the joys of sitting on the steps of the house I grew up at having ice cream and having friends drop by. It doesn't have the same feeling anymore. I am just glad to have a paid holiday from work. I have been really tired the past two weeks. The doctor did my blood tests and everything is okay except for my "blood thinner" that needs increasing. Hoping that will have me feeling better soon. Now time to get the day started! Perhaps a little shopping sometime this weekend.