This week has been a rough one. I took off early one day to go to the hospital so my mother could go to the emergency room and get her ankle taken care of. My grandmother who has been struggling with pain was admitted to the hospital too. She knew awhile ago (not sure we will ever know just how long) that she had breast cancer. She opted not to have treatment and they told her at her age it would progress slowly because she is now 96 and has little estrogen left. About a month ago she was in some serious pain and they did x rays and a CT scan which showed nothing. They admitted her to the hospital and the MRI showed THREE breaks in different vertebrae. They injected something which greatly helped her pain and sent her home with hospice. Hearing that made my heart ache. She has had a wonderful life and we have had her so long...it's not losing her it's that I don't want her to suffer. My mother doesn't really want to know in detail what is happening. She is on overload and compartmentalizing things.
My father has made some progress but there is still concern if he can make enough progress to come home in another three weeks. Their insurance will cover his stay until then. After that my mother will be responsible for paying until she uses all but 40K of assets. She can keep the home she lives in as well. We keep telling her not to worry about that NOW. One day at a time. He understands he is in rehab and he is very worried that he can think but communication is difficult. His right arm swings around but cannot do anything else. For anyone who has been through this I need not explain and for those who have never seen someone who had a stroke, it's hard to imagination how much it takes from someone.
My sister is coming again this weekend. She is a big help. My mother needs a tremendous amount of support right now. It's hard for me to deal with my job, my health issues, my financial issues and trying to get claims processed correctly. I need a break but if my father comes home, not sure I will have one for a very long time. Still, I hope he can overcome the hurdle and make it back home. We are willing to do all we can to get him there.
Now time for some online gaming and a few minutes to myself.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Brief Update
Today was another long day which began at 5:30 a.m. It is very hot in NJ this weekend, another day with temps in the 90s. AC is on keeping us sane right now. I went and saw my father around dinner time. We make sure someone is there for meals as he needs a lot of help. He is right handed and his poor arm does nothing but hang. It falls off his wheelchair and he catches it and it is bruised beyond imagination. They have wrapped his arms in a sock like covering to try to protect them. When his arm falls down he asks one of us to pick it up. Watching him eat is so painful. He tries awkwardly to pick things up with his left hand. He cannot hold a utensil and tries to put his mouth to the plate and we keep reminding him to use his hands for food that he can pick up and we feed him the rest. He tries to speak and he is frustrated beyond description. We try so hard to piece together words we can understand but the aphasia makes it nearly impossible. My son came in (I was so proud of him, he had gotten a wonderful haircut and was dressed so nicely and he looked so handsome) and my Dad was thrilled to see him. When he went to leave he told him what a great guy he was and that he loved him. He insisted on shaking hands with him and when he held out his right hand my heart sank. I whispered for him to be very careful.
My mother is struggling emotionally and doesn't think she can handle this. I told her we are not really given choices about these things and that while it might not be easy she would have to toughen up a bit, at least when he could observe her emotions. His physical therapy begins tomorrow and I am hoping it will go well.
My grandmother who has been in pain and crying for weeks has been hospitalized. They discovered she has vertibrae issues which were missed on several CT scans. Today that did an MRI which showed that two are crushed. They are going to try to inject something between them but she is so happy that her pain is being controlled. It was wonderful to hear her so much better.
I am exhausted and heading for bed and knowing I have a work week ahead of me. Not sure if I will get on to post as I will be getting home at 6, having dinner, going to the rehab/conva center and then back home and bed. Hoping I can sleep well tonight and function tomorrow. One day at a time.
My mother is struggling emotionally and doesn't think she can handle this. I told her we are not really given choices about these things and that while it might not be easy she would have to toughen up a bit, at least when he could observe her emotions. His physical therapy begins tomorrow and I am hoping it will go well.
My grandmother who has been in pain and crying for weeks has been hospitalized. They discovered she has vertibrae issues which were missed on several CT scans. Today that did an MRI which showed that two are crushed. They are going to try to inject something between them but she is so happy that her pain is being controlled. It was wonderful to hear her so much better.
I am exhausted and heading for bed and knowing I have a work week ahead of me. Not sure if I will get on to post as I will be getting home at 6, having dinner, going to the rehab/conva center and then back home and bed. Hoping I can sleep well tonight and function tomorrow. One day at a time.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Saturday and Sleepless
Yesterday was a grueling test of patience. My mother called in the morning to say that the hospital wanted to release my father. They wanted him to go to a rehab facility for four weeks. After that time he will need surgery done on his carotid artery which is 80% obstructed. That is what caused this stroke and will cause another, possibly more serious, stroke. I say that tongue in cheek. My mother, the one communicating with the doctors, does not understand medical lingo and she forgets what they tell her. I think she is in denial and yesterday she almost fell apart. I doubt she can be my father's voice in this. She doesn't want to make decisions and be responsible but someone must.
I went to work yesterday but left early at 2:30. I have left early three days this week which will be without pay for those hours. I went to my mother's house and my sister and I were just ready to put some dinner on the table when the phone rang. A nurse said my father was being combative and they were going to send him back to the hospital. We asked her to wait and we would be there as soon as possible.I went with my mother and my sister, who came down from upstate New York just that morning, to the rehab center they had just moved my father too. He was very agitated. I had wondered if he would be alright taken in the ambulance by himself. I feared he would think he had been tricked into being put into a nursing home. I believe that is what happened. His aphasia is so bad that he has great difficulty communicating. He clenches his fists and sometimes screams out of frustration. He told me that the men could not be trusted. He couldn't really elaborate on that but he had refused any meds, to have his vitals taken or to eat. When I began to explain the situation to him, calmly, he began to yell at me and tell me and the others to leave. He kept saying he wanted to go home. The charge nurse came over and said she was having him transported back to the hospital. We tried to get them to give us more time but they called the ambulance and back we went. At the ER the doctor said it was ridiculous to have sent him back. He called the rehab and said that they needed to accept him. Then another ambulance came to transport him back. By now it was after ten p.m. Since my mother had my sister and by now my brother had arrived I headed home. Not sure what tomorrow will bring. One interesting thing: when he was back in the ER my father and I were alone for a few minutes. I looked down at him, he seemed so small, the man who was always bigger than life. He looked so frightened and helpless and it broke my heart. I hugged him and told him I loved him but he could tell I was so choked up. He looked at me and clearly said "Nelle, it's not that bad honey." Then he went back to rambling about things that made no sense. I did observe that he speaks of himself in the third person. He never says I or me but he says "the man" or "he". When the nurse asked him if he knew his name he said
"His name is James." I keep thinking if we can break more of his language code we will all be less frustrated. It's just so sad to watch this. I fear a lot of him was lost in all this.
It's only 7 a.m. and I need to pay bills now and figure out finances. I have accepted that the car payments will never be paid by that company. Right now I have so much on my plate I don't know where to begin and I am ever mindful that my health must be my number one concern.
PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO ABOUT BONE MARROW REGISTRY
if you are between 18 and 60 you could save some one's life!
I went to work yesterday but left early at 2:30. I have left early three days this week which will be without pay for those hours. I went to my mother's house and my sister and I were just ready to put some dinner on the table when the phone rang. A nurse said my father was being combative and they were going to send him back to the hospital. We asked her to wait and we would be there as soon as possible.I went with my mother and my sister, who came down from upstate New York just that morning, to the rehab center they had just moved my father too. He was very agitated. I had wondered if he would be alright taken in the ambulance by himself. I feared he would think he had been tricked into being put into a nursing home. I believe that is what happened. His aphasia is so bad that he has great difficulty communicating. He clenches his fists and sometimes screams out of frustration. He told me that the men could not be trusted. He couldn't really elaborate on that but he had refused any meds, to have his vitals taken or to eat. When I began to explain the situation to him, calmly, he began to yell at me and tell me and the others to leave. He kept saying he wanted to go home. The charge nurse came over and said she was having him transported back to the hospital. We tried to get them to give us more time but they called the ambulance and back we went. At the ER the doctor said it was ridiculous to have sent him back. He called the rehab and said that they needed to accept him. Then another ambulance came to transport him back. By now it was after ten p.m. Since my mother had my sister and by now my brother had arrived I headed home. Not sure what tomorrow will bring. One interesting thing: when he was back in the ER my father and I were alone for a few minutes. I looked down at him, he seemed so small, the man who was always bigger than life. He looked so frightened and helpless and it broke my heart. I hugged him and told him I loved him but he could tell I was so choked up. He looked at me and clearly said "Nelle, it's not that bad honey." Then he went back to rambling about things that made no sense. I did observe that he speaks of himself in the third person. He never says I or me but he says "the man" or "he". When the nurse asked him if he knew his name he said
"His name is James." I keep thinking if we can break more of his language code we will all be less frustrated. It's just so sad to watch this. I fear a lot of him was lost in all this.
It's only 7 a.m. and I need to pay bills now and figure out finances. I have accepted that the car payments will never be paid by that company. Right now I have so much on my plate I don't know where to begin and I am ever mindful that my health must be my number one concern.
PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO ABOUT BONE MARROW REGISTRY
if you are between 18 and 60 you could save some one's life!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Cripey I'm on Overload
I went back to work for an entire week this week. I got home on Monday evening and had dinner. (Rob and I have an agreement that we don't give each other bad news until AFTER dinner.) He then told me they had just taken my Dad in an ambulance to the ER after he collapsed. For those of you who don't read my blog last Easter my father had a huge cancerous tumor removed from his liver. A few months later he had three grand mal seizures in one day and his heart stopped but was revived in the ambulance. He has been hospitalized eight times in the last year, several with pneumonia as he has COPD. This time it appears he has had a stroke. Yesterday (Tuesday) I left work a few hours early and went directly to the hospital hoping to spend some time with him. I arrived at 4 p.m. and sat in his empty room for over two hours while he was having CT scans. My mother was downstairs with him. When they arrived upstairs his dinner was waiting. He struggled terribly and couldn't handle utensils so decided he could feed himself using the lid of a covered cup. He seemed embarassed at us watching him and shooed us off to get something to eat. The cafe there had nothing I could have but my mother had a salad. When we got back he was very agitated. He has aphasia and struggles trying to convey any thoughts he has which seem very random. We stayed awhile then I came home so emotionally drained I crawled into bed at 9 p.m. and slept until 7 this morning. I went back to work and learned at lunch hour they are going to have to put stents in his carotid arteries. They are uncertain how much damage is permanent but he will have to go to rehab before coming home. I am not sure my mother will be able to handle him at home unless there is more improvement. I came home a few hours early again and made another painful call to MONUMENTAL, the insurance company who still has not paid one cent of my car payments. They have decided now to make inquiries of ALL doctors I have seen in the past five years. When I applied for the policy it asked if I had been treated in the past THREE years for things which the answer to was no. Now it seems they are trying to say that I had diabetes as a pre-exisiting condition and are trying to contact every doctor that has treated me. All to get out of paying my claim. I have again attempted to get in touch with someone at Toyota who MISLED me with this policy. I will not be purchasing any more cars from Freehold Toyota after they refuse to accept responsibility for the misinformation I was given.
I have paid nearly eight hundred dollars for a policy which was a huge rip off.
I feel my privacy is invaded when they are contacting doctors I have not seen in FIVE years when they asked me about three years. NO one will take responsibility for this and I feel like I have been ripped off for the cost of the policy, nearly $800 and for the $800 they did not make in payments.
I am so tired in dealing with all this. I am so sad that having eight weeks out of work I did not have ONE day of enjoyment. Not one trip, not even a day trip.
Now because of this horrid company I am behind on my bills. I want to contact a TV reporter who exposes this kind of sham but frankly with me working full time I don't know when I would have time to do it. SHAME on this company and Toyota for using them.
I have paid nearly eight hundred dollars for a policy which was a huge rip off.
I feel my privacy is invaded when they are contacting doctors I have not seen in FIVE years when they asked me about three years. NO one will take responsibility for this and I feel like I have been ripped off for the cost of the policy, nearly $800 and for the $800 they did not make in payments.
I am so tired in dealing with all this. I am so sad that having eight weeks out of work I did not have ONE day of enjoyment. Not one trip, not even a day trip.
Now because of this horrid company I am behind on my bills. I want to contact a TV reporter who exposes this kind of sham but frankly with me working full time I don't know when I would have time to do it. SHAME on this company and Toyota for using them.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunny and Serene Sunday
Yesterday the weather was so beautiful it was beyond description. I was awake at 5:30 a.m. even though it was a day off. I jumped up and did some straightening out in the garage, rearranging things and organizing summer items. I had an appointment with my dietitian who has been such a help in learning how to eat properly with the diabetes. Marina was so thrilled because this past month I lost another eight pounds. Since going to her I have lost 14 1/2 lbs. and I had lost a few before going to see her. My glucose numbers are fantastic now and she is eager for the endocrinologist to see them as well. The endo had some ultrasounds done and I was disappointed to learn that I have had some shrinkage in my leg arteries due to the diabetes. This means I must be very careful with my diet, more so than someone who does not develop this complication. It is going to be in the seventies today and when I sign off the computer I will be taking a nice long walk. Another thing I must do is become more physically active. Having lost the weight I did, I have more energy to do so.
Being back at work has been really good for me. I have made many friends where I am and there is a lot of support there. I was in training Thursday and Friday and was disappointed that they were distributing candy. Of the four people at my table three just happened to be diabetic. I did point out to one of the instructors that we couldn't eat the candy and could he offer us something that we could have? Sugar free chocolate perhaps? He apologized twice and I was disappointed to see the other diabetics eating the candy. Ironically, my sugar was too low and I did get to have one small piece but I was not going to sit there and eat sugar I knew I shouldn't have. We have a wonderful cafeteria which offers everything and I found that with two breaks and lunch I was able to have the things I needed sans sugar.
I am wearing slacks I couldn't get into last summer. What a glorious feeling. I am hoping to have another fifteen pounds off by July and pick up a few outfits for the summer. If I am honest, I have clothing in several sizes in my closet. My summer clothes should fit me well as they were small for me last year.
After my walk I am planning to take a quick trip to the mall and take my husband for a Ruby Tuesdays lunch. I love their salad bar and he can get something good as well. I might see if there is a shirt or something as a small reward for my hard work. Tomorrow I am back actively doing my job. I am a bit nervous trying to remember things from two months ago and also incorporating some of the changes made while I was out. Monday is a busy day for us.
I hope all of you are enjoying this wonderful day and that the weather there is as nice as here. It's been a fabulous weekend and I wish it could just last a bit longer. Now off to find some sneakers........
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
My First Day Back
I went back to work today. The HR person told me I had to be there half an hour early. Being the prompt person I am I actually arrived 45 minutes early. The security people had me sit in the waiting room until someone in HR said I could enter their office. I was advised it would "be awhile" and it was. About 45 minutes after waiting they took my security card and activated it. I thought I was going to have another interview but the receptionist handed me my card and sent me on my way. When I arrived upstairs I already knew someone else had been using my desk. I was really disappointed because I am a neat freak and they all knew this. The guy wasn't around and my boss told me that it was still my desk and just to move his things and put mine back (they had been stored underneath). After wiping things down with disinfecting wipes and replacing stuff I was ready to get down to business. Don't know why I felt so nervous as I have been doing this a year and a half but I did. It took me awhile to regain my computer access and then I struggled to remember passwords. I have passwords for many systems and most are different and must be changed every few months. We are not permitted to write them down. After guessing a few that I rotate I was finally in my email and I had a few hundred that had accumulated in the last two months. I began reading them and then for a few hours listened to a coworker using some new techniques. It went well and tomorrow and the next day I will primarily be in training classes to learn these new techniques firsthand. Many coworkers greeted me enthusiastically, I got many hugs and that was appreciated. All in all, it went well. I am tired tonight. I am going to hop into bed and try to sleep a bit later than I did this morning. I was like a kid going to the first day of school. Woke up before six and could not get back to sleep. It rained today and tomorrow that should stop. We are expecting seventy degree temps here on Friday. I will love the drive home.
I'm getting back into my routine and it really feels good. Nighty night.
I'm getting back into my routine and it really feels good. Nighty night.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Feeling Grumpy
If you know the song Feeling Groovy subsitute the word grumpy and sing along with me. Slow down....moving too fast.......got to make the morning last.....just kicking down the cobblestones.....looking for fun and feeling grumpy.
The diabetic diet is getting to me. EVERYTHING has carbs. You go out to eat and you pay for food that you cannot eat, or can have a miniscule portion of. Seeing all the wonderful food for Easter, in particular the desserts and the candy just makes me want it. People do not realize how frustrating it is. Like my mother who sent over cupcakes when I didn't go to her house because she was serving GLAZED ham, CANDIED yams and a salad with my grandmother's homemade dressing which has an entire cup of sugar in it. Sheesh. My mother has the sweet tooth of all time. Yes folks, I was raised by a woman who hid Chunkys in her dresser drawers. My Dad was in the Navy and when he was gone she actually sold cans of veggies to our neighbor (also a relative) and she bought things like Chunkys with it. My mother will keep a cake until it is stale and then pour milk on it and eat it like cereal. That will be BREAKFAST. My mother has no concept of nutrition and yet my sister and I have always been very conscious of nutrition. Thing is I grew up with candy dishes all over the house. When I was at my mother's last I counted EIGHT and that was just downstairs. Some are gallon size jar containers. For a beverage I was served SWEET iced tea. Thankfully I stopped drinking that about thirty years ago. My point is that it is hard to stop sugar cold turkey. I think I am having psychological withdraw.
Tomorrow I go back to work and it's a good thing. Firstly, I need to be focusing on other things than food deprivation. Secondly there is a cafeteria at work and they have meats and veggies that I will be able to have. Speaking of food Rachael Ray is on. I love her show and watching all those calorie laden meals she makes. Honestly some of them have no appeal to me at all and I wonder if the woman ever has her cholesterol tested. I do like her a lot but I wish she would have some shows on diabetic receipes OR low cholesterol meals. I was reading an article about how many children are being diagnosed with diabetes due to such high sugar diets. Some kids as young as four! That was shocking to me.
On a high note, yesterday the man of the house repainted our upstairs bathroom. It's kind of a periwinkle blue and I love it. The fixtures are ivory and it's a nice contrast. The shower curtain and accessories had this color in it. Today he is painting our guest room. When we purchased this home it was only nine months old but you would never have believed it. The woman who lived here in that short time had done a lot of damage. In that room her daughter had done something to the wall and she took a much darker color paint to touch it up and made a huge mess. We had never painted that room. I am doing it a creamy vanilla so that I can change the bedding to whatever I like. We bought one coat paint and I am hoping it actually is, I think so. It's a big job. Getting back to our home......the woman had dropped a 2 litre bottle of orange soda down the stairs on brand new carpet. As though that wasn't bad enough she tried to remove it with watered down bleach. A week after moving it I had to change the carpet on the stairs and upstairs hallway. The house also came with a washer, dryer and refrigerator. In our contract she was to leave the appliances but when we arrived after closing they were all gone. She was a single mother on the verge of foreclosure when we purchased the home. I felt sorry for her and just bought new appliances, I was sure that builder's appliances were not comparable to what I purchased. Even the toilet paper holders and light bulbs were taken. I just felt sad for her. Our house is small and there are things about my old house that I really miss, like my fireplace and my pull down attic stairs. Still there is a charm here and it's a comfortable place. I am always mindful of a plaque I saw in Amish country. It said the beauty of a house is it's hospitality. We always have a cup of tea and some homemade something here if you ever want to drop by. There's just no subsitute for feeling welcome.
The diabetic diet is getting to me. EVERYTHING has carbs. You go out to eat and you pay for food that you cannot eat, or can have a miniscule portion of. Seeing all the wonderful food for Easter, in particular the desserts and the candy just makes me want it. People do not realize how frustrating it is. Like my mother who sent over cupcakes when I didn't go to her house because she was serving GLAZED ham, CANDIED yams and a salad with my grandmother's homemade dressing which has an entire cup of sugar in it. Sheesh. My mother has the sweet tooth of all time. Yes folks, I was raised by a woman who hid Chunkys in her dresser drawers. My Dad was in the Navy and when he was gone she actually sold cans of veggies to our neighbor (also a relative) and she bought things like Chunkys with it. My mother will keep a cake until it is stale and then pour milk on it and eat it like cereal. That will be BREAKFAST. My mother has no concept of nutrition and yet my sister and I have always been very conscious of nutrition. Thing is I grew up with candy dishes all over the house. When I was at my mother's last I counted EIGHT and that was just downstairs. Some are gallon size jar containers. For a beverage I was served SWEET iced tea. Thankfully I stopped drinking that about thirty years ago. My point is that it is hard to stop sugar cold turkey. I think I am having psychological withdraw.
Tomorrow I go back to work and it's a good thing. Firstly, I need to be focusing on other things than food deprivation. Secondly there is a cafeteria at work and they have meats and veggies that I will be able to have. Speaking of food Rachael Ray is on. I love her show and watching all those calorie laden meals she makes. Honestly some of them have no appeal to me at all and I wonder if the woman ever has her cholesterol tested. I do like her a lot but I wish she would have some shows on diabetic receipes OR low cholesterol meals. I was reading an article about how many children are being diagnosed with diabetes due to such high sugar diets. Some kids as young as four! That was shocking to me.
On a high note, yesterday the man of the house repainted our upstairs bathroom. It's kind of a periwinkle blue and I love it. The fixtures are ivory and it's a nice contrast. The shower curtain and accessories had this color in it. Today he is painting our guest room. When we purchased this home it was only nine months old but you would never have believed it. The woman who lived here in that short time had done a lot of damage. In that room her daughter had done something to the wall and she took a much darker color paint to touch it up and made a huge mess. We had never painted that room. I am doing it a creamy vanilla so that I can change the bedding to whatever I like. We bought one coat paint and I am hoping it actually is, I think so. It's a big job. Getting back to our home......the woman had dropped a 2 litre bottle of orange soda down the stairs on brand new carpet. As though that wasn't bad enough she tried to remove it with watered down bleach. A week after moving it I had to change the carpet on the stairs and upstairs hallway. The house also came with a washer, dryer and refrigerator. In our contract she was to leave the appliances but when we arrived after closing they were all gone. She was a single mother on the verge of foreclosure when we purchased the home. I felt sorry for her and just bought new appliances, I was sure that builder's appliances were not comparable to what I purchased. Even the toilet paper holders and light bulbs were taken. I just felt sad for her. Our house is small and there are things about my old house that I really miss, like my fireplace and my pull down attic stairs. Still there is a charm here and it's a comfortable place. I am always mindful of a plaque I saw in Amish country. It said the beauty of a house is it's hospitality. We always have a cup of tea and some homemade something here if you ever want to drop by. There's just no subsitute for feeling welcome.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter
Today I put on a new sweater I had bought and some nice green dress slacks I had not fit into in a few years. That was a great way to kick start the day. Got to church early so we could have a good seat. Easter fills up fast and the church holds 2100 and then there are people standing up and down the sides and across the back. We know to get there at least a half hour early. It was a lovely service and the choir sang so beautifully. I didn't even fret about not taking my morning medicine. We came home and I through a spiral ham in the oven. We had a lovely dinner around 3 p.m. and my son, the vegan, joined us. He made himself pancakes. I worry that he is eating fewer and fewer foods. He won't eat fish or eggs anymore as he used to. I had a talk with him about how he eats primarily carbs and this concerns me because diabetes is so prevalent on both sides of his family. He said he would try to come up with more dishes that were less carb laden.
Right after eating my grandmother called. She has had a premonition that she would be leaving us on Easter weekend. She was upset with me for not going to my mother's house for dinner. My mother was having candied yams and a salad with a dressing that has a cup of sugar in it. My mother doesn't understand that I cannot eat things like that. We had a salad loaded with fresh veggies like broccoli and I put a low carb dressing on it. We had potatoes but my small amount was carefully monitored and candied anything is out. My grandmother doesn't understand so I try to let it go in one ear and out the other. I have enough trouble being reasonable now, cannot imagine how I would be at 96. Right after we finish eating my sister arrives with cupcakes my mother sent over. How thoughtful. My niece arrives shortly afterwards and her and my son had a nice conversation which was great as they live upstate New York and he rarely gets to see her. She is a chemist working in the daytime and going to grad school at night. She's really a great person and a joy to visit with.
So my Easter was good. Good sermon at the church I am most at home in, good meal and good visitors. I did miss a basket of candy but I got a bouquet of flowers (purple tulips) instead. Life is every changing and the secret to enjoying it seems to be the ability to roll with the punches. I'm trying my best to do that.
Right after eating my grandmother called. She has had a premonition that she would be leaving us on Easter weekend. She was upset with me for not going to my mother's house for dinner. My mother was having candied yams and a salad with a dressing that has a cup of sugar in it. My mother doesn't understand that I cannot eat things like that. We had a salad loaded with fresh veggies like broccoli and I put a low carb dressing on it. We had potatoes but my small amount was carefully monitored and candied anything is out. My grandmother doesn't understand so I try to let it go in one ear and out the other. I have enough trouble being reasonable now, cannot imagine how I would be at 96. Right after we finish eating my sister arrives with cupcakes my mother sent over. How thoughtful. My niece arrives shortly afterwards and her and my son had a nice conversation which was great as they live upstate New York and he rarely gets to see her. She is a chemist working in the daytime and going to grad school at night. She's really a great person and a joy to visit with.
So my Easter was good. Good sermon at the church I am most at home in, good meal and good visitors. I did miss a basket of candy but I got a bouquet of flowers (purple tulips) instead. Life is every changing and the secret to enjoying it seems to be the ability to roll with the punches. I'm trying my best to do that.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Thinking Out Loud
Easter is almost here. I have not attended church in months. I have not done anything (other than to sit a few bunnies and a few feathered chicks on some furniture). In years past I bought Easter candy for nearly every relative I had. This year our young niece and our nephew who is our Godchild received cards with a little money. This past Christmas I was not "into it" either. I think my health issues have been so weighty for me that it's been hard to get into the other things. Working full time uses most of my energy. My time off has been used to see doctors, have tests done and file papers and refax papers that were already sent in. I have had to bother my doctor several times to fill out papers and felt badly about wasting her time. I am feeling better each day now. Still coughing here and there but overall so much better. I will be returning to work next week. I am trying to do a few last minute things such as plant pansy flowers in the ceramic urns on the front porch and patio. I have been up since 5 this morning and I cleaned out my bathroom closet and laundry room shelves.
My grandmother has become very difficult. I feel so badly for my aunt, newly retired who is there dealing with her by herself. My mother doesn't like to be around sick people and has not gone to help. I worry how my aunt who is not in the best of health will do this on her own. I told my mother this morning that she should at least offer financial compensation of some kind. I realize this is not my problem and I cannot take it on.
My significant other had a CT scan and an ultrasound. He has had some neck discomfort and a sore throat. He has nodules on both sides of his thyroid. Since his cousin had his thyroid removed two years ago when it became cancerous and since his sister died of cancer he is very concerned. He will be having some blood work and seeing an endocrinologist and they will do frequent ultrasounds to monitor the situation. Oh to have a boring life.
The sun is beautiful today and I was outside for a few hours today soaking it up as I planted the planters. I am hoping that as the weather warms, my adjustments to the low carb diet get easier and more familiar and things continue to bloom I will feel lighter. It's been a rough winter but the Spring is here and I hope things are so bright I have to wear shades.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Happy Passover and a 5 Min Chocolate Cake Recipe!
5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).Of course, I cannot make or eat this being diabetic but my sister sent me this recipe. It made my mouth water. I gave up cake for lent as an extra incentive not to have any. Damn I miss cake so much I cannot tell you. Right now I would trade my firstborn for a piece of cake with lemon filling and coconut frosting. Oh yea.
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly. Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again. Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).Of course, I cannot make or eat this being diabetic but my sister sent me this recipe. It made my mouth water. I gave up cake for lent as an extra incentive not to have any. Damn I miss cake so much I cannot tell you. Right now I would trade my firstborn for a piece of cake with lemon filling and coconut frosting. Oh yea.
I want to wish my Jewish friends a Happy Passover. I know many will soon be sitting down to their seder with family and I hope it will be a special time.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Sunny Sunday
Last night I had a bit of a restless night and ended up rising about 7 a.m. We went out for breakfast and I had the first pancake I have eaten since December. Counting carbs really restricts your diet and of course I had it with sugar free syrup. It bothers me to consume all this artificial sweetener. I am in a rut, tired of drinking diet soda. I purchased diet iced tea but cannot find it decaffeinated which means I have to limit that. I drink a lot of water but I long for juice. You never know what you have until it's gone and the freedom to eat what you want, when you want is one of those things. If I want a carb it has to be consumed with a protein and then there is a limitation on how many carbs I can have in one day. It's all about choices and making the best choices. I can't begin to imagine how a diabetic vegetarian can make it work. All the proteins that are not from animals are high in carbs such as beans and peas.
My spirits are lifting. The weather has gotten much better. The resident gardener has prepared the pots for flowers which we will purchase and get planted this week. Right now money is tight and I will be doing the pots only. In a few months I will purchase some more things as I get back to a steady paycheck. The other day I watched Suze Orman on Oprah and she gave many bits of advice that I felt were helpful to me. At the end of the show she said she wanted to ask the people watching to do something. She wanted them to focus not on what they USED to have, no longer have but what they still have. That really touched my heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the times that were so easy for me and how hard these past few years have been. Perhaps hardest of all is that much of our money has gone for medical expenses. I digress.......I still have a home, a car and food to eat. I have neighbors who are living day to day not knowing if they can keep their homes. Homes that they mortgaged two years ago and now they owe more than they could sell them for. I honestly think this is a wake up call for all Americans. Even those not currently feeling the crunch. We have to stop buying things we cannot afford and do not need. We have to stop living on so much credit. Two years ago if anyone had told me my husband's company would shut their site and he would be out of work I would have never believed it. Times have changed and if we don't learn to change with them we can find ourselves in serious trouble. We are making small changes wherever we can. Those small changes add up. This year instead of an overflowing basket that my son always received he is getting ONE chocolate bunny. I am starting now to simplify.
My spirits are lifting. The weather has gotten much better. The resident gardener has prepared the pots for flowers which we will purchase and get planted this week. Right now money is tight and I will be doing the pots only. In a few months I will purchase some more things as I get back to a steady paycheck. The other day I watched Suze Orman on Oprah and she gave many bits of advice that I felt were helpful to me. At the end of the show she said she wanted to ask the people watching to do something. She wanted them to focus not on what they USED to have, no longer have but what they still have. That really touched my heart. I have spent a lot of time thinking about the times that were so easy for me and how hard these past few years have been. Perhaps hardest of all is that much of our money has gone for medical expenses. I digress.......I still have a home, a car and food to eat. I have neighbors who are living day to day not knowing if they can keep their homes. Homes that they mortgaged two years ago and now they owe more than they could sell them for. I honestly think this is a wake up call for all Americans. Even those not currently feeling the crunch. We have to stop buying things we cannot afford and do not need. We have to stop living on so much credit. Two years ago if anyone had told me my husband's company would shut their site and he would be out of work I would have never believed it. Times have changed and if we don't learn to change with them we can find ourselves in serious trouble. We are making small changes wherever we can. Those small changes add up. This year instead of an overflowing basket that my son always received he is getting ONE chocolate bunny. I am starting now to simplify.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
WONDERFUL NEWS!
I just spoke with my doctor who got the CT scan results. Whatever was in my lung is gone, there is nothing in it now. Woohoo! That was something I was very concerned about. Very good news. Now for the less good news: last night my husband's legs were flying about like helicopter blades. Every now and then he does this. When I went to bed I had a terrible soreness in my right side muscle from coughing for three weeks. I had only been asleep for an hour when his legs took flight and he kicked me waking me up. Of course he slept through this. The second time, less than five minutes later I lost it. I yelled at him to stop which did wake him up. I am wondering if this could be restless leg syndrome. In any event the sudden jumping I did further hurt the strained muscle and I couldn't even lay down. I got out of bed for a few hours and there is no position today that does not hurt. I just took some ibuprofen which I can't do regularly because of the blood thinner. I am hoping it will be better by tomorrow but the important thing is that my lung is now clear. I wonder why I am still coughing so much and since I expect to return to work April 15th now I am hoping there will be no residual cough at that time.
It is warm and sunny here in NJ. Hubby felt guilty I think and has entertained the pesky dog and done a lot of yardwork. I know he didn't do this intentionally but I am not congenial when woken up, especially when I am in pain. Perhaps tonight one of us will be in the guest room and if that someone is me I am leaving the pet elsewhere.
It is warm and sunny here in NJ. Hubby felt guilty I think and has entertained the pesky dog and done a lot of yardwork. I know he didn't do this intentionally but I am not congenial when woken up, especially when I am in pain. Perhaps tonight one of us will be in the guest room and if that someone is me I am leaving the pet elsewhere.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A Gorgeous Day
Today weather wise was gorgeous. I actually ventured out into my yard and cut some of my many dozen blooming daffodils for my daffodil vase. That heightened my spirits. I experienced several hours of frustrating phone calls today getting the place for my cat scan changed to where the x ray was taken, fighting with the company who still has not made ONE car payment for me, and fighting the medical group who billed ALL my visits incorrectly so that they were processed as out of network instead of in network. This would have left me owing thousands. I already owe plenty. So, I have my cat scan appointment for tomorrow afternoon. I am a bit nervous about it. When you have a history of cancer anything that suddenly appears is of concern. I am hoping I will hear quickly as I did when they read the x ray.
Today I had to go to the doctor's office and pick up my script for the scan. We actually went out and got a sandwich and walked around Target for half an hour. This is the first real exercise I have had in two weeks. I have been so weak that up until today I couldn't have done it. I am still coughing a lot, using inhalers (two different kinds) and wheezing but I do see some improvement.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw a word my doctor wrote on a form to the insurance company and my heart sank for a few minutes. My grandmother is becoming argumentative and difficult. My poor aunt deals with her daily while my mother is two hundred miles north. My mother says she has my father to care for and can't go. I think she can't deal with it. When I have been sick my mother has always distanced herself. I guess that's a protective mechanism she uses not to let things upset her. Wow if only I had that luxury!
She got mad at me when I pointed out that her mother had 96 years of excellent health. My mother has been very healthy too. I just want one day where I feel really good. I need to get back to work and back to getting my paychecks.
Hopefully I will have some good news in the next few days.
Today I had to go to the doctor's office and pick up my script for the scan. We actually went out and got a sandwich and walked around Target for half an hour. This is the first real exercise I have had in two weeks. I have been so weak that up until today I couldn't have done it. I am still coughing a lot, using inhalers (two different kinds) and wheezing but I do see some improvement.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I saw a word my doctor wrote on a form to the insurance company and my heart sank for a few minutes. My grandmother is becoming argumentative and difficult. My poor aunt deals with her daily while my mother is two hundred miles north. My mother says she has my father to care for and can't go. I think she can't deal with it. When I have been sick my mother has always distanced herself. I guess that's a protective mechanism she uses not to let things upset her. Wow if only I had that luxury!
She got mad at me when I pointed out that her mother had 96 years of excellent health. My mother has been very healthy too. I just want one day where I feel really good. I need to get back to work and back to getting my paychecks.
Hopefully I will have some good news in the next few days.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Same Old Same Old
I wish I had something good or exciting to write about. For most of the weekend I slept nearly round the clock. Sunday I was awake more and was actually able to enjoy a burger cooked outside on the grill...between episodes of rain. I am boring myself to tears here. If I were feeling better I would no doubt have cabin fever. I was able to sleep through the night last night once I finally got to sleep. I did some research on the internet yesterday that got me a little nervous. I am still waiting to get the approval from my health insurance company to get the cat scan and they will schedule it as soon as I have that. I will be relieved to know what they find. It is windy and cloudy again today. I am reading blogs and seeing such nice pictures of flowers blooming. Not sure if any of mine are because my flower bed is on the side of the house with no window. I have not gone outside of my house other than to get in the car and go to the doctor or hospital. Yesterday was the first day I didn't have a nosebleed so there was something to be happy about. If I have another one I am going to have to find an ENT and have that checked out. Wishing you all sunshine and spring flowers.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Beautiful Outside but I'm Still Sick
Yesterday I went back to the doctor. I didn't realize it but I was still running a fever from last week. I had stopped taking it even though I was waking up every night soaked and hacking up a lung. Saturday I had the worst asthma attack of my life and for a long minute I was afraid I might not survive it. It was that bad.
My lungs closed and I was gasping but could not take any air into my lungs. Finally I managed to inhale a tiny amount of air with the inhaler and it slowly began to open. My face was purple and no, I didn't see my life flash before me or a white light. I agonized over whether or not to go to the ER but I felt since the attack was over there wouldn't be anything else for them to do. On Wednesday as I coughed and hacked all day (despite cough syrup that has always worked in the past) I suddenly had a nosebleed. My almost white carpet in the guest room got sprayed and my shirt was covered. We got the doctor on the phone and she told me what to do and it stopped after a few minutes. On Thursday I went back to the doctor who could hear the respiratory distress I was in and also noted my oxygen intake was low. Hence my weakness. She prescribed a steroid inhaler for me and sent me for a chest x ray. I am so drained that it took a tremendous effort for me to walk down the ramp to the radiology department. Right after the x ray was over and I was ready to leave, I had yet another nosebleed. We picked up sandwiches and came home and the doctor called. She said I did not have pneumonia but they saw something else there "a nodule" and now I need a cat scan. What scares me is that it is on the left side. She was calling to get me approved for the cat scan. I also have oral steroids that if I am not better by tomorrow I am going to have to take. My chest feels as though a weight is on it.
My mother is still saying how overwhelmed she is by her mother's illness and does absolutely nothing. We have learned that my grandmother's cancer, at least for now, is confined to the breast. She still chooses to do nothing and at her age doctors feel that this is the best decision for her. My mother is pushing eighty and has had her mother all these years. Sometimes I think she just latches on to anything that she feels will get her sympathy. She knew I was going to get the x ray and never even called last night to see if I had heard anything. At times like this I certainly wish I had a nurturing mother.
My return to work will be delayed by a few weeks. I'm afraid that's going to be a ton of paperwork. The car loan company has still not paid one dollar though they have numerous doctor reports and all the information they requested.
Being sick sure is frustrating.
My lungs closed and I was gasping but could not take any air into my lungs. Finally I managed to inhale a tiny amount of air with the inhaler and it slowly began to open. My face was purple and no, I didn't see my life flash before me or a white light. I agonized over whether or not to go to the ER but I felt since the attack was over there wouldn't be anything else for them to do. On Wednesday as I coughed and hacked all day (despite cough syrup that has always worked in the past) I suddenly had a nosebleed. My almost white carpet in the guest room got sprayed and my shirt was covered. We got the doctor on the phone and she told me what to do and it stopped after a few minutes. On Thursday I went back to the doctor who could hear the respiratory distress I was in and also noted my oxygen intake was low. Hence my weakness. She prescribed a steroid inhaler for me and sent me for a chest x ray. I am so drained that it took a tremendous effort for me to walk down the ramp to the radiology department. Right after the x ray was over and I was ready to leave, I had yet another nosebleed. We picked up sandwiches and came home and the doctor called. She said I did not have pneumonia but they saw something else there "a nodule" and now I need a cat scan. What scares me is that it is on the left side. She was calling to get me approved for the cat scan. I also have oral steroids that if I am not better by tomorrow I am going to have to take. My chest feels as though a weight is on it.
My mother is still saying how overwhelmed she is by her mother's illness and does absolutely nothing. We have learned that my grandmother's cancer, at least for now, is confined to the breast. She still chooses to do nothing and at her age doctors feel that this is the best decision for her. My mother is pushing eighty and has had her mother all these years. Sometimes I think she just latches on to anything that she feels will get her sympathy. She knew I was going to get the x ray and never even called last night to see if I had heard anything. At times like this I certainly wish I had a nurturing mother.
My return to work will be delayed by a few weeks. I'm afraid that's going to be a ton of paperwork. The car loan company has still not paid one dollar though they have numerous doctor reports and all the information they requested.
Being sick sure is frustrating.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Sunshine and a fresh day
Today the sun is shining, although it is cold. I have not been out of my house since I was at the doctor's last Tuesday. My doctor said I do not have the flu but trust me, she was wrong. So very wrong. I have coughed nearly all night long and much of the day in the past week. Red killer cough syrup couldn't hold it back. I wake up drenched in sweat each night. Since these were symptoms of my original chest tumor way back when, they provoke some anxiety in me. Then I have to have the conversation with myself that sometimes a cough is just a cough caused by chest congestion. My fever finally went away but I am not back to normal yet. Honestly, I am rarely normal but that's another story.
I was so happy to see that Ronni, a brave runner and journalist is once again blogging. She made it through her third bone marrow transplant. She is a remarkable woman and the weeks without her posts were rough. Missie, another blogger had knee surgery and was just hospitalized for blood clots in her lungs. So glad she is doing well in the hospital.
On another front, my grandmother's breast cancer has not spread as they originally thought it had. Since she has no estrogen in her body they think it will take a long time. She wants no treatment but I am not sure this is realistic. She is taking pain pills for back pain and her thoughts and moods are ever changing. I just don't want her to suffer.
Well, I need to jump in the shower and take a long luxuriating shower. I just wish it would warm up outside so I could go for a short walk.
I was so happy to see that Ronni, a brave runner and journalist is once again blogging. She made it through her third bone marrow transplant. She is a remarkable woman and the weeks without her posts were rough. Missie, another blogger had knee surgery and was just hospitalized for blood clots in her lungs. So glad she is doing well in the hospital.
On another front, my grandmother's breast cancer has not spread as they originally thought it had. Since she has no estrogen in her body they think it will take a long time. She wants no treatment but I am not sure this is realistic. She is taking pain pills for back pain and her thoughts and moods are ever changing. I just don't want her to suffer.
Well, I need to jump in the shower and take a long luxuriating shower. I just wish it would warm up outside so I could go for a short walk.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Emotional Chaos
Yesterday I learned that my grandmother has advanced breast cancer. Although she had a mammogram and they explained to her that she had cancer, she chose to do nothing. She is 96 years old. While that may make perfect sense, I am having difficulty accepting that. Perhaps because my grandmother is the one person in the world who has loved me unconditionally. When she is gone, she takes that with her. Yes, I am selfish and I don't want to accept that it will all be coming to an end. I finally composed myself and tried to call her today. She was on pain meds and foggy but at the end of the call she basically said goodbye. I couldn't.
I am a private person for the most part. For the past month I have been home on disability my husband has been here out of work. There has not been more than half an hour of time when he is not here and I am. This is wearing thin. I really need some ME time. Especially now. Again, perhaps this sounds selfish but if I want to have a good cry without someone asking me questions I damn well deserve it. I am still sick, still coughing. My ribs ache and my throat hurts. I want some hard candy to suck on but that's not okay. Sugar free cough drops just don't cut it. Everywhere I go I see chocolate for Easter and that is making me cranky. My husband keeps buying and eating donuts. That makes me cranky. Why can't he go buy them and eat them out? Because when I see them I want them but I can't have them. I'm disappointed that he does that because he is normally supportive and caring.
I want to reverse the clock and wake up when my grandmother was not sick and when I could eat donuts and when I didn't feel so damn cranky.
I am a private person for the most part. For the past month I have been home on disability my husband has been here out of work. There has not been more than half an hour of time when he is not here and I am. This is wearing thin. I really need some ME time. Especially now. Again, perhaps this sounds selfish but if I want to have a good cry without someone asking me questions I damn well deserve it. I am still sick, still coughing. My ribs ache and my throat hurts. I want some hard candy to suck on but that's not okay. Sugar free cough drops just don't cut it. Everywhere I go I see chocolate for Easter and that is making me cranky. My husband keeps buying and eating donuts. That makes me cranky. Why can't he go buy them and eat them out? Because when I see them I want them but I can't have them. I'm disappointed that he does that because he is normally supportive and caring.
I want to reverse the clock and wake up when my grandmother was not sick and when I could eat donuts and when I didn't feel so damn cranky.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Ramblings of a Medicated Mind
I absolutely hate to take medicine. The fact that it serves a necessary evil does not comfort me. I am neurotic about adding any new medicines into the mix. My new doctor has had trouble understanding this until she saw the result of me nearly passing out. I have a strange reaction at times. I have hacked nonstop for many days and nights and I finally called today and spoke with her. No, she doesn't think I need a chest x ray it's just bronchitis but if I am still coughing next week she will do one. Newsflash; if I am still coughing by next week I will be one of those people who needs a rubber room after losing it from lack of sleep. She also prescribed some cough syrup with codeine. I simply cannot tell you how good it felt to taste sugar in the syrup. Nothing like that has touched my tongue in over six weeks. I am on a new antibiotic which makes me a little dizzy, then with the cough syrup I am in a mild haze. For the life of me I cannot understand why people would want to spend money to feel this way. By the way, I am making a disclaimer that if none of this makes sense I cannot be held responsible due to too many medications.
I have still not cooked my corned beef brisket and guess what today I think is Friday, it is two a.m. IF I cook the brisket and ate it I would be eating meat on a Lenten Friday. In years past, I was observant of this. My old priest explained to me that if you do another thing, such as visiting a sick person, you can eat meat. My mother-in-law gives up something for lent but has it in huge amounts on Sunday because she goes to mass and figures that is a trade off. Technically she is right. A few weeks ago I had a medical test and I was told I had to eat a very fatty meal to keep radio isotopes from being absorbed by my liver. She called here that night and was horrified that I ate a cheeseburger on a Lenten Friday. Now I have to tell you that if a doctor tells me I have to eat a fat laden meal and recommends a cheeseburger then I'm going to cave. If in the final judgement it comes down to that, I'm not worried. I have corrupted her son because I don't remind him. Well if lent is about suffering than I guess she is in the right spirit. As for my home, people (occupants and visitors) are allowed to have whatever they want.
Speaking of the leprechaun he did an Easter headliner for me. Then I found this great blog design. OK I am now worn out. I went this morning and got an echo done. It's always fun to see someone who hears my heart for the first time. I really liked this woman who let me gently cough and such on a sugar free cough drop. Oh the little things that count when you are sick. Happy weekend.
OOPS I forgot to mention something that if I were well I would have done an entry on. MARTIN BRODEUR (my hockey playing significant other.) He beat the record of most game wins by a goaltender and the following game set a new record. Knowing Marty it will be more and more cause like the Energizer Bunny he keeps it coming. Two Christmases ago my husband bought me a beautiful autographed picture of Martin, my Stanely cup sweetheart. He agreed that if Martin ever came to our door and said he had to have me, he would make that sacrifice. (I could tell he never thought this might really happen.) ha! Aside from being an incredible goalie he is just so boyishly cute. He will be 37 on May 6th. OH I love my NJ Devils and I hope sometime in the future I can once again afford to go to their games. Seats in nosebleed territory cost us. IF I ever win the lottery I would buy season tickets. We love ya Marty. 552 and counting......
I have still not cooked my corned beef brisket and guess what today I think is Friday, it is two a.m. IF I cook the brisket and ate it I would be eating meat on a Lenten Friday. In years past, I was observant of this. My old priest explained to me that if you do another thing, such as visiting a sick person, you can eat meat. My mother-in-law gives up something for lent but has it in huge amounts on Sunday because she goes to mass and figures that is a trade off. Technically she is right. A few weeks ago I had a medical test and I was told I had to eat a very fatty meal to keep radio isotopes from being absorbed by my liver. She called here that night and was horrified that I ate a cheeseburger on a Lenten Friday. Now I have to tell you that if a doctor tells me I have to eat a fat laden meal and recommends a cheeseburger then I'm going to cave. If in the final judgement it comes down to that, I'm not worried. I have corrupted her son because I don't remind him. Well if lent is about suffering than I guess she is in the right spirit. As for my home, people (occupants and visitors) are allowed to have whatever they want.
Speaking of the leprechaun he did an Easter headliner for me. Then I found this great blog design. OK I am now worn out. I went this morning and got an echo done. It's always fun to see someone who hears my heart for the first time. I really liked this woman who let me gently cough and such on a sugar free cough drop. Oh the little things that count when you are sick. Happy weekend.
OOPS I forgot to mention something that if I were well I would have done an entry on. MARTIN BRODEUR (my hockey playing significant other.) He beat the record of most game wins by a goaltender and the following game set a new record. Knowing Marty it will be more and more cause like the Energizer Bunny he keeps it coming. Two Christmases ago my husband bought me a beautiful autographed picture of Martin, my Stanely cup sweetheart. He agreed that if Martin ever came to our door and said he had to have me, he would make that sacrifice. (I could tell he never thought this might really happen.) ha! Aside from being an incredible goalie he is just so boyishly cute. He will be 37 on May 6th. OH I love my NJ Devils and I hope sometime in the future I can once again afford to go to their games. Seats in nosebleed territory cost us. IF I ever win the lottery I would buy season tickets. We love ya Marty. 552 and counting......
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I am sick
Since Monday I have been sick. A fever, freezing one minute and roasting the other. Hacking up what sounds like lungs. My chest hurts. Went to the doctor yesterday and she gave me a script for an antibiotic. Wasn't sure how I felt about her not taking a chest xray or doing blood work. Does she not know I am delicate? I am just reading my emails from Monday. My corned beef brisket is sitting in the fridge waiting to be made. Don't think it will be today either. Neighbors came over to bring us a card but I was asleep and not functioning too well. My bed calls and I hope to be back in good shape soon.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A Rough Night and a Valve in Overdrive
Yesterday I had a really good day. I have had a bug for a couple days and my head hasn't felt right and my tummy hasn't been right but yesterday I was excited to go back to the nutritionist and have her review my records of what I've been eating and my glucose numbers. She was thrilled and when she weighed me I was down six pounds since my last visit. Since being diagnosed with diabetes about seven weeks ago I am down ten pounds. My numbers are pretty good, I am working hard to keep my carbs to under ten servings a day and to only eat any carbs with protein. I do find I am eating more cheese than I want to be, but it's all low fat. Last night we did (okay hubby did the work) about half a dozen chicken breasts on the grill. That means I can have one on salad or as the main part of a meal when I want it. He had prepared a lot of Italiian sausages but I learned yesterday they are so high in fat and calories and a bad choice so I am going to let him finish them while I have the chicken instead. Getting back to yesterday, when I left the nutritionist I decided to celebrate with a tiny burger from Wendy's and a huge diet soda. I was very thirsty. Later I realized that it had caffeine in it. Big mistake as I had already had one cup of coffee and one cup of tea that morning and I was way over my limit. I went to bed about ten thirty and that's when my heart went into overdrive. What a miserable feeling. It was beating so fast and there was no way I could sleep. I dozed off for maybe fifteen minutes but that was it....until after four thirty. I was so mad at myself for being so careless. I slept from about four thirty until eight when the pets wanted to get up. I got up and fed them. I dozed a few times while watching tv. My eyes are so tired I cannot even read today.
My heart is so sensitive to caffeine that once this begins nothing can stop it. I drank at least a quart of water during the night, took a mild tranquilizer, tried to meditate but was distracted with thoughts of Edgar Allen Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart. Since I have the artificial valve, I not only feel it, I also hear it. There was a time I never thought I would get used to it. I am used to it most of the time because there is noise but at night when it's very quiet I really notice it. I am going to put a picture of it here. It's kind of like a silver dollar, but smaller, and it has these louver door like appearance. Now my skin covers it they tell me. I was amazed there were three tiny holes in it where the stitches went. As long asit keeps on ticking I am happy to have it. It's carbon graphite.
the lastest technology and I have it. :)
the lastest technology and I have it. :)
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