Beautiful Outside but I'm Still Sick

Yesterday I went back to the doctor. I didn't realize it but I was still running a fever from last week. I had stopped taking it even though I was waking up every night soaked and hacking up a lung. Saturday I had the worst asthma attack of my life and for a long minute I was afraid I might not survive it. It was that bad.
My lungs closed and I was gasping but could not take any air into my lungs. Finally I managed to inhale a tiny amount of air with the inhaler and it slowly began to open. My face was purple and no, I didn't see my life flash before me or a white light. I agonized over whether or not to go to the ER but I felt since the attack was over there wouldn't be anything else for them to do. On Wednesday as I coughed and hacked all day (despite cough syrup that has always worked in the past) I suddenly had a nosebleed. My almost white carpet in the guest room got sprayed and my shirt was covered. We got the doctor on the phone and she told me what to do and it stopped after a few minutes. On Thursday I went back to the doctor who could hear the respiratory distress I was in and also noted my oxygen intake was low. Hence my weakness. She prescribed a steroid inhaler for me and sent me for a chest x ray. I am so drained that it took a tremendous effort for me to walk down the ramp to the radiology department. Right after the x ray was over and I was ready to leave, I had yet another nosebleed. We picked up sandwiches and came home and the doctor called. She said I did not have pneumonia but they saw something else there "a nodule" and now I need a cat scan. What scares me is that it is on the left side. She was calling to get me approved for the cat scan. I also have oral steroids that if I am not better by tomorrow I am going to have to take. My chest feels as though a weight is on it.

My mother is still saying how overwhelmed she is by her mother's illness and does absolutely nothing. We have learned that my grandmother's cancer, at least for now, is confined to the breast. She still chooses to do nothing and at her age doctors feel that this is the best decision for her. My mother is pushing eighty and has had her mother all these years. Sometimes I think she just latches on to anything that she feels will get her sympathy. She knew I was going to get the x ray and never even called last night to see if I had heard anything. At times like this I certainly wish I had a nurturing mother.

My return to work will be delayed by a few weeks. I'm afraid that's going to be a ton of paperwork. The car loan company has still not paid one dollar though they have numerous doctor reports and all the information they requested.
Being sick sure is frustrating.