Sunday, May 27, 2007

The healing balm of friendship

This has been a rough week for Rob. His sister left the hospital and within 24 hours had to be readmitted. She is undergoing cranial radiation that has her brain swelling and has her very ill.
The problem is that if she does not have the radiation the tumor will be back quickly. They fear if she does continue though she is running a risk of paralysis from damage. What a choice to make. She has chosen to continue with the radiation even though her mother is strongly opposed. My m i l asked the doctor would he have his daughter radiated like this and he answered he would not want to. She has the power of attorney and is struggling with what to do. I am glad not to have to make those decisions. Unfortunately I do not believe my sister-in-law now down to 70 lbs. and heavily medicated can make sound decisions on her own. While we can only listen and offer emotional support we are all hurting on the sidelines.

Last night, after nearly five years Rob heard from his estranged best friend. I believe that karma knew Rob needed something good to happen. His best friend really hurt him when he failed to show up as best man for our wedding. The night before he went out on a drinking bender that lasted for days. We were aware at the time that his wife and he were having some serious problems. That lead to him drinking way too much which caused other problems.
I would not be discussing this here, but my journal is private and I trust those who have access to read it. When he called he left a lengthy message asking both of us to forgive him. He went on to say that if we couldn't he would understand. That really touched me. I played the message for Rob and at first he was reluctant to call him back. Five years is a long time to wait for an explanation. I asked him to just listen to what he had to say and then to make a decision. His friend cried over and over as he told him all of the problems he had been experiencing. His wife left him and he took his two sons and had to go stay with his parents in Florida. I knew right away that Rob would forgive him, as would I. He asked to speak to me and asked my forgiveness. It is easy to give when someone demonstrates real sincerity as he did. All is alright now and now as we face the problems with Jen, Rob has a friend who truly understands. His friend's father has cancer as well. Life is strange but sometimes just when we need them our friends surface and just their voice can be soothing. I was thinking about when Rob's Dad died. This friend was there for every minute of that time dispensing hugs to his entire family. Friends and relationships are never perfect because as human beings we fail sometimes. The thing is that when the relationship is based on the good stuff we accept those failings and we forgive....just as we hope to be forgiven when we mess up. I am happy for Rob and since his friends are my friends too, a bit for myself.

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