Friday, February 10, 2006

The McDreamy Chronicles....part 1

Six years ago.........
Picture me a woman going through a much longed for divorce. I was living in a big house and working at Macy's. First job I had had since before my son was born, over twenty years earlier. I had been a stay at home Mom and volunteer for many organizations. It was just a year earlier that I had first leared about email and decided that a computer was the way to go. My ex flatly refused to buy one, even though when Atari first came out he spent thousands just to play games on it. That is when the revolt overtook. I went to Macys got a job, financed my first computer and got a cel phone. There was no holding me back after that. I went online in January of 1999. The second day I was online I decided to enter a chat room. Yes, I was warned how awful they were. The first one I went in was called Thinkers. I immediately met several women who were about my age and intelligent. The conversations were interesting, funny and very enjoyable. It was easier to tell strangers of the disappointments I was experiencing. One of the first people I met was a drug/alcohol therapist we called Prozie. She was awesome. Later I began going there in the evenings as well. During that time men drifted in and out of the chat. Often people exchanged pictures. I didn't have a recent photo so I had one taken. It was fun to meet the new people. One guy came in with the name of ZamBoni. Right away I found myself laughing. He was witty and fun. One night he asked if we might exchange pictures and he sent me his. This is the picture that he sent me. (I later learned that his Dad, a photographer, had used trick photography to make him look like twins.) When I saw this picture I remember thinking "Damn! He's really cute." In hindsight, what is funny about this, is that I had a previous type. In a word: tall. From the picture it wasn't apparent that Rob was not tall. I put the picture to the side and continued to enjoy conversations with this pleasant guy. Over the next few months I became friendly with many chatters. Suddenly, ZAMMY as we called him was no longer coming online. I asked about him and no one knew what was going on. He resurfaced after the summer and told us of a disastrous relationship he had with a woman he had known. I told him about my pending divorce and we became fast friends. We IMed each other, sent each other emails and later snail mail. Eventually he called my house. I needed a shoulder to lean on and he filled the bill. His father had been fighting cancer for a year and was not doing well. I sensed that he needed a friend to. Finally, just six years ago he began the big push for me to drive to Rhode Island and meet him. I told him IF I came that he had to understand that nothing would happen. I was just coming to meet him, a friend. He agreed with that. We were ONLY going to have dinner IF I came. It was shakey and we were both scared to meet and also leery that it would happen. The upcoming Valentines Day was Monday. I had the whole weekend IF I went. I cleared Saturday so IF I wanted to go I could. I hemmed and hauled all day Friday. Consulting my online friends and one I had met in person. She told me to go. I changed my mind from minute to minute not knowing IF I should go. I just kept thinking that I could turn around and drive home if it was a big mistake. I called two friends and gave them minute by minute instructions to contact me while I was there.......IF I went. I packed and repacked.
I decided that I would sleep on it and Saturday make the final decision. I hardly slept that night. The following morning I got up and my ex (who was still living in the house and remained until he was forced to leave) began his usually weekend misery. At 11 a.m. I told him where I was going. He was relieved to have me out of the house and gave me the money to go. I had been out on two dates. I didn't have confidence to do it again. I was not happy with either guy and couldn't wait to get home. This time I vowed that it was NOT a date, just meeting a nice guy for dinner and conversation. I left the house early afternoon and began to drive from NJ to RI. This was the FIRST time in my life (and mind you I was in my forties!) that I was driving by myself to another state that was not bordering New Jersey. I suddenly felt free. Like the weights to my strings had been severed. I was being bold. I was doing what I wanted for a change. It felt sooo good. I called ZAMMY from my cel phone and told him I was coming. He had a nervous laugh and I could tell that he wasn't sure whether or not I was actually coming. As I sailed through New York, Connecticut and then Rhode Island I felt stronger and stronger. Gone were the feelings that I was too anxiety ridden to do this. I realized that I had taken back control of my life and it felt so damn good. Little did I know what this meeting would lead to. Had I known, at that time, I would have been too scared. I would have headed back home too fearful to meet someone who could mean that much to me. I was about to cross a threshold into a new world and a new life...and my biggest concern was would he think I looked as good as my picture. Sometimes ignorance IS bliss.

1 comment:

jennifer said...

Awwwwww. I'm gonna like this series. And no wonder you drove to RI. That man is CUTE!