Thursday, January 26, 2006

Having many thoughts

Today and tonight I have run the gamut of emotions. This morning I saw a picture of our late friend Marc and his smile still blows me away. This time last year he was excited about the Upcoming SuperBowl and we had no clue that his now evident weight loss then was due to cancer. He lost his battle with testicular cancer within six months. Rob and I still have a hard time accepting that he's gone. I don't know how it's possible to see someone in their casket and still not accept that they're gone but that's how I feel. I miss his voice and emails and phone calls. I miss his girlfriend's emails who seems to be moving on with her life, as she should be. I hope Marc is at peace. I know that his suffering is over and yet I feel no resolution. I know that he never understood what was happening and that he never knew that death was so close. The end came so fast. A part of me is grateful for that.

Another thing on my mind is that one of my closest friends has done something odd, and a bit hurtful. She was supposed to come here a week ago. We spoke on the phone and she told me she was going to call me back. She was showered and ready to come. She never called, never emailed and then blocked everyone from seeing her online. I called and left a few messages. NO response. Frankly, how much can you call someone, email someone who shuts the world off? It's not as though I have a carefree life. I work whether or not I feel up to it. I take friendships seriously and I dont' think shutting out friends or letting them worry about you for days while you just "check out" is fair.

I am very worried about our fellow blogging friend Pam. VERY worried that we have heard nothing. I have sent her two snail mails and I am hoping someone in her family will let us know somehow, how she is. She has made posts from the hospital before. Each day I pray for her and her family and hope that I will see a new post.

Finally I am elated. Our dear friend Judi is in touch with her gorgeous daughter. Since I first read her blog, I felt that someday her darling daughter would understand. Apparently she does. After all that Judi has been through, I am so very happy for her. It is my fervent hope and dream that she will have a new life, that will be perfect in all areas. Okay no one's life is perfect, but as close as it can get. I feel that I have shared some of her pain, through her sharing, and now I share in her joy.


jennifer said...

I'm worried about Pam too. I hope somebody somewhere hears from her or about her. It's been almost a month since her last entry.

IndigoSunMoon said...

I am so worried about Pam too. I try my best not to think the worst, but the longer she goes without posting...well, you know. I hope with all my heart that she is ok.
I was also delighted to read Judi's post about her daughter.

I know how you feel about marc. Our friend Char has been gone for several years now and it still doesn't seem real.

Love you honey,

blhater said...

I don't know Pam, I understand your concern. I know it doesn't seem fair when people just disappear for awhile, but sometimes that is the only way they know how to cope with things..After you have tried to contact her several times by several different methods there is not much else you can do but wait.

Losing a friend like Marc has to hurt.. you will always miss someone that dear, but hopefully the wonderful memories will start to bring you warm smiles instead of pain in time.