Monday, May 03, 2010

Feeling Whiney

On Friday I pushed myself and then I really paid for it on Saturday. I am not sleeping well. Coughing wakes me up and then I ache from coughing and my muscles are sore. I hate feeling so miserable. Even when I sleep ten hours I do not wake up feeling rested. I have been awake since 4 a.m. It's now ten and I need a nap soon.

I feel like all I do is complain and I hate that. What is really odd is that friends who virtually ignore me for weeks or even months are calling a lot. I don't really feel up to talking. I have nothing to say and I am tired of repeating all the medical information over and over. Besides, there are no concrete answers. they were never able to culture the organism that has wreaked such havoc in me. That means it may not have been treated with the best antibiotic for it. I must patiently wait and see how I feel. Yesterday we went to a diner to get something to eat. My appetite is off and I have lost weight. I could afford to lose it, but I am just not eating nor do I really want to right now. Ordered a favorite meal and I was able to eat about half of it and brought the rest home. They had the a c on and I was chilled to my bones. Rob and the other diners seemed comfortable. I just never feel comfortable and that is something that we take for granted. There seems to be no position that feels right. I keep telling myself this will pass. When???? My mother is having a meltdown of sorts. Her main caregiver for my Dad quite with no notice. She is having many strangers there.Most of them cannot move him.
Many days he is stuck in bed and this is not good. She was never happy with the former guy and complained nonstop. Now she is still complaining about the new people and paying a lot more money. I don't think she can ever be content.
I dont' know how she can stand it. I am normally a happy person. Just feeling sick for months on end has really gotten on my last nerve. I debate whether to post or not. I don't want to bring anyone down but this is just how it is for now. I keep telling myself that this will pass. I just need to be a bit more patient.


Susan C said...

As I used to say, "Not complaining, just explaining."

It's nice that friends are calling, but I remember when I was really sick and talking, even for a few minutes, just wore me out.

I'm just relieved that you're on disability so that you don't have to put added pressure on yourself to come to a quick resolution and, somehow, go to work.

Thinking warm and healing thoughts for you.


Sorry to hear about your father's caregiver quitting. A good one is hard to find. We went through this with my MIL before she passed. Some of the folks hired, robbed my in-laws, on top of it. Very distressing to be going through all that you are, health wise, too. Just know your friends are well intentioned. Everybody just wants you to feel better, SOON. Continue to fight and don't give in.