Friday, May 28, 2010

Depression thy name is Copays

I am just now starting to have the bills rolling in. OMG is about all I can say. I owe 10% of what is IN network and 30% of what is not. There is not ONE in network doctor in either of the hospitals I go to. They will pay as IN network for the emergency part but what will not be processed as in network is all the after care. I must pay the first $1250 and then they will pay 70%. Oh I am going to be shelling out about 5 grand for this last hospitalization. At times like this I get very depressed. It's enough to fight for your health but then to be broke afterwards trying to pay it down. It's just not fair. I go to work and work hard everyday and then when I am sick I go into debt. Thing is this has been going on for the entire year. Last year I shelled out 8 grand and my pay was cut by over 50%. It's a lot to deal with. If I go in network only I get crappy doctors who have probably worsened my health by poor care. If I go out of network I can forget anything else like a vacation. Where is the help Mr. President cause I need it NOW. Yes, I am grateful to have a modest home and a roof over my head. I am grateful to have reliable transportation and some other things but I don't have my health and now I have to pay because of that. This is why people try to get on disability and quit their jobs so they have paid medical. Sorry, but this really has me down.

Know what else has me down? The fact that I had so many friends previously. As my available time to do lunch and then my health tanked most of them have taken huge giant steps away. Yes, I know. They weren't real friends right? Well remember some of them have seen me in poor health at times over the last thirty years and they get tired and complacent about it.
Last week one of my friends whom I have known since the age of ten mailed me a box. This past year throughout all my illnesses I have not gotten so much as a get well card from her. I was excited until I opened the box. In it were the ugliest pair of flip flops I have ever seen. At first I thought it was just my disappointment but when I showed them to neighbors who came by they had the same, or a worse reaction. I sound like an ingrate don't I? Trust me, I am not. My neighbor Stacey has been wonderful and just stopped by to give me a hug and that made me so happy. The friend who sent the box wants to tell me about her life when she calls. Her life is owning two luxurious homes and then going to another state for the winter. There she has all kinds of activities to enjoy her days. I am happy for her. I really am.
I just don't want to hear about that when my life is so difficult and I don't want to receive a gift which took absolutely no thought or in fact, reflects that she doesn't even know what I like after so many years of friendship. The flip flops were covered in plastic fruit and insects. I just can't do them justice with words. At times, I feel badly that this is my attitude but I am just keeping it real as I always do.

I feel terribly alone in my problems here. My husband needs a break as he suffers along with me. I just wish a friend of forty years would be there for me and show me some real thought. Is that too much to ask?

1 comment:

Susan C said...

I just have to laugh at the thought of those flamboyant flip flops.