This N That

Today we went to the grocery store. It was a zoo. People were angry and agressive with their shopping carts. So much for holiday spirit. My breathing was a constant struggle. We took a box of gifts to drop off at my mother's. Rob took off today and carried the box in for me but when I bent over to place them under her tree I was gasping for breath and felt faint. This is happening a lot and it's very troublesome. Remember the only way to know that the bacteria on the valve is dead is to do another TEE (endoscopy type test where they sonogram the heart). It's not something they want to do. The other option is waiting for symptoms to return such as night sweats or running a fever. My mind is all over the place trying to think how I am going to return to work with the PICC line in my arm and type on the computer all day AND have this all in the back of my mind.

Talked to two different neighbors today who are having financial problems. Christmas is depressing when you know you cannot afford gifts for others who are expecting them. I have a wonderful visiting nurse and I simply cannot afford to get her anything, but I do feel badly about it. I am getting a lot of EOBs from the insurance company and I am not opening them. I just feel that I don't want to deal with them right now. Enough pressure over going here and there on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and I am expected to provide food and I just want to curl up in a ball. I am tired and cold all the time. I am coughing again. I just want something good to happen.