Moving right along............

Last week and this week have been hectic. I covered for two people last week and I put in my usual hours this week, learning yesterday that I would have to pull a long day today to cover for the woman who just got home from Bermuda. Can we say travel envy? Things went better than I had hoped for, smoothly and being Maundy Thursday it was a rather light day and I was able to do my usual work as well. I took a lunch today and got a delicious chicken Caesar salad and sat outside in the gorgeous air to enjoy it.
I am going through a personal struggle of sorts. For those of you who faithfully read my journal, you might remember the incident over a year ago with my sister. She was very hurtful and told me to get out of my mother's house. We had just returned from the hospital when my father had open heart surgery. My sister has a lot of anger towards my father. He was very generous to his sons but not his two daughters.When I was younger it bothered me too but at this point in my life, having been through what I have, I don't dwell on it. She wanted to confront him prior to his surgery. That is just not my style and I refused to cooperate. Her anger at that just came across in every word she spoke at the hospital that day. She refused to sit by me and kept moving if I moved in her direction. She was rude to my husband, saying he had no right to be there. He was the one who took off work and took my Dad for his pre op testing not her. She was most annoyed when the heart surgeon (who was mine and took my Dad on as a favor to me) came over and spoke with me. I introduced her to him but that didn't matter. Anyway she told me that I was not wanted or needed at my mother's house and that my sister-in-law was sending over dinner for TWO and that I would make three. I had come over with five pounds of shrimp and told her that I didn't need any of their dinner. Finally as my mother stood there in shock I told her that I didn't need that behavior and I got in my car and left. I have not seen her since. I feel that she owes me an apology and she has not apologized, although she has promised my father many times that she would. She came for Christmas and I refused to go over then. She told my mother she would not be coming for every holiday because of how I felt but now two days ago she announced that she is coming for Easter. Everyone in my family is begging me to go but I won't. People don't understand this but when you have heart problems, it's more than just the emotional you deal with. When I get upset it feels as though a fist is squeezing my heart. It is actually painful. Why would I do that to myself? Subject myself to that? IF my sister would apologize I would accept and then attempt to be in her presence. If she can't then who needs to be in her presence? My sister-in-law told me that she admitted to her that she was cranky and deliberately said things to upset me. She told her that she told me to leave. My sister-in-law has been upset by her many times too. At this point in my life I don't want to be around hurtful people. I have paid my dues and received my diploma from the College of Hard Knocks. Now I want love, peace and tranquility. If people don't treat me kindly or decently then I don't need to be in their presence. If it means not seeing someone again during this lifetime then so be it. My mother finds it appalling that I can say that about my own sister. I feel that we chose our emotional family. I spent fifty years doing everything possible for my sister. I never received any thanks. I was woken up early so many days to hear her complaints but when I had open heart surgery she never even called me once to see how I was. Several months later she called wanting to know if she could stay at my house with her boyfriend to attend our nephew's wedding. It's always been like that. Me the big sister giving and her the younger taking. I'm tired of those one way relationships. I'm older and smarter. I want reciprocal relationships. There's a time when relationships become hurtful and it's time to let them go. I've finally been able to do that.....and find some peace.