Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Coming To Grips with Life's Changes

Late last night I almost felt as though I had the weight of the world on me. To be honest, it wasn't the entire world, just a few continents. As the evening progressed I began to realize that I needed to sit back and put things in perspective. I walked outside and tried to find the good in the neighbor's fence. It is a beautiful fence. A six foot high fence with lattice work on the top foot of it. It's vinyl and I could take down my chain link fence on that side of the property. I saw that she put it slightly in from the property line. Deep breath. I slowly let it go. Some other thing that have bothered me seemed less important too.
This morning my mother showed up at my door with my 94 yr. old grandmother who is still in town. We went out for lunch and then to a bargain store. While eating at our favorite diner a beautiful woman came over to me. "Mrs. Roberts?" I looked up and recognized one of the chemo floor nurses who had cared for my son during his illness. She was as happy to see me as I her. She has a little boy of her own now. She wanted to know where I was living and working. She was thrilled to know how well my son is doing. They don't often have that kind of outcome. She wants to come and see me sometime. Wonderful. She wants me to give her best to my son. But..she already did that fifteen years ago. She soothed his pains, both physical and emotional. She taught him how to give himself shots of insulin when he became diabetic for three years from chemo. I owe her so much. We both do. I got so ferklempt that I couldn't say much. I will next time I see her. I hope if there are any nurses who read this they will understand just how much they mean to a family at a time like this.
I keep reminding myself that the glass can be half empty or half full. I hope I never see the emptiness when I am so blessed. I"m a nearly thirty year cancer survivor and my son is a fifteen year cancer survivor. I'm a two year heart valve replacment survivor and a two year breast cancer survivor. When I think of one word to describe myself the word survivor comes to mind. Thing is, I'm not just happy to have survived. I want to be a thriver. I want to be a sunflower. Moving my head slowly throughout the day to soak up all the rays of warmth, love and positive energy. I think I am a work in progress but I am becoming a little bit more of what I want to be each day.
WE must become the change we wish to see in the world. ~ Gandhi

3 comments:

alphawoman said...

Beautiful entry full of love and hope and determination.

jennifer said...

Just a couple of continents...

That cracked me up. This was an uplifting entry, Nelle.

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