Viva Las Vegas!!!!!!!!

The top picture if my best friend Debbie sealing her vows to Don with a kiss. This was on January 27. We were 800 ft. atop the ground in The Stratosphere Hotel observation deck. The restaurant is a lot like the Seattle Space Needle. We had dinner in a restaurant called Top of the World and it was grand. I am exhausted. Hardly slept a few hours. Got up yesterday 6 a.m. Vegas time and only slept half an hour on the plan. Arrived in Philadelphia this morning to see snow falling. Got home and we had a couple of inches on the ground (which has now melted on roadways.) I took a cat nap. Duffy missed us terribly and wants a lot of attention.
We had so much fun in Vegas. We saw most of the hotels and casinos. We never stopped. Had a fabulous dinner at a 3 star hotel Buchon at the Venetian. What a magnificent and beautiful hotel. The meal was not to be topped. We had a trio of appetizers which included pate', salmon, and prisciotto. The salads were outstanding and I had braised shortribs for my entre. It was so delicious. We had a variety of desserts which included sorbet, cookies, brownies and coffee and chocolate sauces. I will need to diet for about three months. Seriously. More later I need a nap.

The Beasty Boys

Here are my "boys". This was taken in my computer room. Rob refers to it as the "rumpus room." You can see Duffy's crate. I have wanted to get rid of it but he seems to think of it as his safe haven. I have bought numberous crate liners, area rugs and even an actual dog bed for it. All have been chewed and ruined except the dog bed which he refuses to leave in there. AS quickly as I put it in, he drags it out. Perhaps because of his thick fur he is warm and prefers the cool bottom of the crate. I figure it's his domain and he can have it the way he wants.

The cat on the other hand, likes warmth and softness. He is often on the back of the sofa while I am sitting on it. While I am on my computer he is stretched out on the comfy reading chair. In this pic he is on the footrest. It's not a great pic of either of them. It's hard to get them together in one shot so I used it anyway.

Today I was going to get my computer room organized. Well that did not happen. Instead I was at the dentist at 8 a.m. to have him fill the "core" of the tooth that was root canaled a month ago. When I woke up there was snow on the ground and the roads looked icey but I went and it was okay. After that I went and had new front tires put on my car. I needed them for winter. I picked up a few groceries and returned home. I was going to take a nap. That did not happen. I played games on the computer and touched base with a friend I haven't spoken with in awhile. I am still tired and need to go into the office tonight from 6-8. Before that I have to run to the store and pick up a prescription that I haven't so far although it's been on my to do list since Saturday.

It's windy and overcast here. Not sure what the weather will be doing but I am sure hoping that on Friday it's clear. That's the day we will be driving to my friend's outside of Philadelphia and taking a limo (when she does something she does it right!) to the airport. We will be arriving two hours before takeoff. I am working on my list of what to bring. Not much can be carried on. I can hardly believe I will be having four days of vacation. It's been five years since we got away and that turned out to be for ONE night. Wayne Newton watch out!

My best friend, Vegas and a new pic

This is my new professional photo. Often in my business people use photos that look nothing like themselves. Women go to the glamour place and get makeup that they could never themselves apply, get their hair done in ways that they could not do and dress with sequins. That is so not me. Other people get an everyday looking shot but have ten or twenty years airbrushed away. When they meet clients the clients are wondering just how old that photo is. I refuse to do that. I am what I am. So here it is. Not sure I made the best choice for the jacket with the lines.

My childhood best friend is getting married again. She is taking Rob and I with her to be her witnesses. She is generously treating us to a four day weekend and we are excited. We really like her fiancee'. As she is telling people some are making plans to be there as well. We will be leaving next Friday about 4. Here is the kicker. My darling husband has never flown before. I have used every tactic to put his fears at ease but I can tell you they have not worked. I asked him before agreeing to go and he told me that he would go. I have visions of him holding onto the airport chairs as we are boarding the plane. I fully understand as I had the same fear until I took my first flight. Both of our mothers were afraid to fly and I think they taught us this fear. Rob's Mom did finally fly but mine never has.
We will be gone over my mother's birthday. In fact my friend's new anniversary will be my mother's birthday. I have to decide what I am wearing and what to take. This weekend I am doing two open houses, one today and one tomorrow. Monday I go to the dentist and then work so I need to get myself into high gear and get moving.

The other thing is what gift to give. They both had households. I am thinking something monogrammed. Any suggestions?

Busy

I have been going nonstop since my last entry. I have an hour long presentation I will make tomorrow to prove that I have the knowledge I am required to have. I love working for this company who offers so much training and support. I am much happier in a corporate environment where everyone is treated equally. I have a mentor who is so colorful. She is extremely knowledgeable and helpful. She is working me hard but at the same time I am getting valuable experience and that's a good thing.

I went to my doctor today and I was less than thrilled at what he had to say. He put me on two more medications. I get frustrated. Tests showed I had pretty clean arteries and he remains concerned about my cholesterol. As it is I have given up eggs, real mayonnaise, butter, red meat etc. The medicine doesn't lower mine enough to please him. A cardiologist does not accept the guidelines that a regular doctor does. Tonight, once again I will be having roasted chicken and vegetables and fantasizing about roast beef. Still, I know that my cholesterol will probably never be low enough. My young nieces and nephews have the same problem. It's familial.

Tomorrow after my presentation I must go to the hospital and get my blood test. After that I am planning on taking it easy. I am doing an open house on Saturday and on Sunday. I need a day to take it easy. When I am home I am usually looking things up online. I know it will get easier in time but right now I am trying to find my first listing and my first buyers. I have leads on both but I need commitment.

The Professional

I have completed another week of classroom and office training for my new career. More and more I have gained knowledge and confidence. I received my proofs today for my professional photo. Of course the photographer offered to retouch a bit. I mean I did my own hair (and of course it had to rain and frizz that day.) I did my own makeup which I am not very good at but at least I look like myself, not like someone else which most of the glamour photos turn out like. Just me. I have been told on occasion that my smile could light up a room. I hope so because that's the biggest thing going for me.

I got my signs today with my name and phone number on them. I am now in the system where I can look up real estate listings. I have a professional email. It's all in place for me. It feels good. I miss some of the people from my previous job. Starting a new job is always bittersweet but I am focusing on the sweet right now.
I am in a wonderful new place with very supportive people. Right now that is making it so much easier for me. They are leaving no stone unturned to give me all the tools that I will need. I am appreciative of all the help I have received from people who have no motive other than genuine kindness. I am grateful that a former coworker is working alongside of me. We both happened to choose the new place on our own. Life is steadily improving for me. I am in a good place.

This and That

I am starting to feel like a real real estate agent. I was at an open house last weekend and had the opportunity to show a lovely property to a woman who complimented me. That was a good experience. I am still in school, and have homework from there and from my very capable mentor.

I am having growing pains. My mother always used that phrase to describe when we were going through a bad time of something that we knew would leave us in a different place when it was over. Someone who I thought knew me, a "friend" of thirty years started accusing me (to others, not to me personally) of things that were simply not true. Her husband called me the other evening to ask me how I could be so hurtful. I had no clue what he was even talking about until he explained himself. This was news to me. I attempted to call this person to discuss what it was they thought I was doing when they would not take the call. I then received an email from them telling me how they were feeling attacked by me. My reaction was complete shock. Then hurt. If someone knows you for thirty years how can they NOT know you? And furthermore how can they tell you that they are so badly hurt but when they feel better they will continue the friendship that they value. Does this make sense to anyone? It does NOT make any to me. Why would someone who truly believed this WANT the friendship with someone they believe to be so heinous? My email reply was that it would not be necessary for that person to contact me again. I put a lot of value in friendships. When someone wants to accuse me, falsly and without proof, then I do not believe there is a friendship to begin with.

My best friend will be getting married in Vegas the weekend of the 26th. We will be going with the happy couple. I am excited. My friend knows I am having a tough time right now. She has offered to treat us. We desperately need to get away.

Right now we are very concerned about my sister-in-law. She just had a feeding tube put in. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. She is in her early thirties and she has an eight year old daughter. She is very depressed and now with her radiation treatments her hair is coming out. My mother-in-law works and is taking care of her daughter and granddaughter when she is home from work. My sister-in-law lost so much weight and she was slight to begin with. She is continueing to work because she used up all her disability time while recovering from two surgeries.

At times like this we are hanging on to our faith and our hope. Please say a prayer for Jen. She wants to gain some weight, enjoy her daughter and get back to her college courses. She's spunky and my money's on her.

PEACE

I have always been a huge fan of the peace sign. I used to have a tee shirt that was white and had tiny red peace signs which almost made stripes in the shirt. In many of my photos at the shore between ages 14 and 16 I am wearing it. I had a huge glass purple peace sign I won in Asbury Park hanging from my curtain rod in my bedroom which otherwise was pink and feminine with my canopy bed and pink princess phone.
Oh the conversations I had on that phone.....some lasting until the wee hours of the morning. Some comments where I was so tired I could not recall having made them the next day when they were repeated back to me. I remember well the Indian moccasins I loved wearing. The ones with the long fringe on the side. Love bead jewelery, tiny beads that were made into flowers forming necklaces and bracelets. Those were some of my most carefree times in life. I had a little red Buddha incense burner. My parents went bonkers over that. Of course that made owning it more fun.
Today I read an interesting fact about the peace symbol. Lord Bertrand Russell, head of the British campaign for nuclear disarmament had someone create a badge to be worn by members at their first anti-nuclear weapon demonstration in 1958. The original was hot pink on a black background. The word peace was on the top arch and under it a small white dove. The designer used the letters N and D from the Navy Semaphore Code. If only they would have known that it would become a universal symbol for a group of people and that it would remain popular decades later. I love the concept of peace. It's something that means so much to me. Not just on a globular level but to me in my own emotional state. Sometimes at mass there is a line that we sing that ends "grant us your peace". Often when the weights of the problems feel so heavy upon me, I choke and cannot sing this part. I think when we do things to put each other in a peaceful frame of mind we give the greatest gift possible. If we do not have peace, we have nothing that can take it's place.

Peace begins with a smile. Mother Teresa

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. Ghandi

If you cannot find peace within yourself, you will never find it anywhere else. Marvin Gaye

Peace be with you.

My Accent..........having been in Maryland until 10 and then New Jersey.........

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Philadelphia
The Inland North
The Northeast
The South
Boston
The West
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

A gloomy day and a good read

It began raining here sometime during the night. It's cold and damp. I woke up at 4 a.m. and began to read a book I had purchased last week. ( A book that was on the New York Times Bestseller list.) Some might think it odd that I would want to read a book about leukemia. This book, My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult is so well done.

It is about as accurate a book about a family with a child with leukemia as I have ever read.
The story is one of where a younger daughter was conceived to be a bone marrow donor to the two year old daughter of a couple. The daughter from her birth has been used as a donor of sorts. Even the umbilical cord from her birth was used to help give the older daughter a fighting chance. Eventually, the younger daughter, now 13 decides that she has given enough and is entitled to live her life in the best interests of her body. I am only through the first one hundred pages but it is fascinating reading. Especially to me. When my son got leukemia one of the first things they asked about were siblings. There were none. For a leukemia patient, the ideal thing is to have a sibling who is a perfect match for you. That is usually only possible with an identical twin but sometimes a sibling is a close enough match. In my case my son and I did not share the same blood type. Like all four of my siblings, my son was type A and I was a different type. My sister was tested and was in the ballpark for a match. We didn't do any further testing as it was not something necessary. My son was registered in a bone marrow transplant bank. I wish I could make some healthy people realize that to give bone marrow is often to give the gift of life.
I know children who received additional years even if not cured from the transplants. In order to be tested you have a simple blood test. Often there are testing drives when a sick child is in an area. The testing is not inexpensive and often fund raising drives cover those costs. You are not a potential donor if you have ever had cancer yourself. You must be healthy.

This book makes me wonder if someday all umbilical cords will be stored as an insurance of sorts. Or that all people will be HLA (tissue type) tested and records kept on file. I would love to see what great advances medical science will make in the coming years regarding these issues.
This is where I would like to see our government funds going as opposed to many things that I cannot agree with.

I do not see the need to fly a past president's body all over the country at a huge cost to taxpayers. I would truly respect a past president who planned his funeral and asked that instead of all that expense that taxpayers make a donation to the food banks of Washington, D.C. or to some other worthy charities. A President currently in office is a different matter. It just doesn't sit right with me that someone's body is flown all over at taxpayer expense while some people will go without any food today. Maybe that's just me. It's nothing against any of our past presidents. I would not think their families would want to be put through all that traveling either. They had to live their lives in public at one time, let them have their privacy now. IMHO

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! My hope is that the new year will bring us all peace.


I am thinking back on all the changes my life has seen in the recent years. Some of them have been difficult, but I am trying to view them as opportunities to learn and grown. I have worked hard to get myself to a place where I can begin a new career, one which I have control over, to at least some degree. This has given me back some of my self confidence which had taken a real beating the past year. Some people wish to roll the clock back and be many years or decades younger. I do not wish that. Life has taught me many lessons that I would not wish to repeat, but having survived them I am a much stronger person. There are times I wish I could make people be me, if only for one day. I think they would learn a lot too. I do not take anything for granted. Each day I know that I am receiving a gift. No one knows how much time they have left but when you deal with the problems that I do, you know that they should all be savored and lived to their highest potential. I had to make some difficult changes recently to gain back the quality of my days. I cannot control the quantity of my days but I can take all the steps I can to insure the quality. I wish all of you quality days and most of all I wish you the knowledge of the gift of each day.

Merry Christmas to All and to all a Goodnight

I had a wonderful Christmas. Last night my spirits were not too bright but I put my best face on and we went to my brother, Bob's house. He had a nice crowd which included two surprise guests, my niece and her fiancee'. I hadn't known she was dating anyone since her break up during the summer so it was quite a shock. I didn't get to talk to him much but it was good to see her, she made a long drive from upstate New York to see us. As usual my sisters-in-law were a lot of fun. We had a nice time and got to spend some time with the newest member of our family baby Cadence who is a few months old. She had on the cutest Santa outfit. My sister-in-law gave me a great handbag (have I ever mentioned my love of handbags?) Came home and went to bed and this morning we woke up bright and early thanks to out cat alarm. Grrrrrrrrrrrr. I knew I was getting my flat screen monitor and didn't expect much more. I should have known better when the Leprechaun Santa is on the job. He consulted with our friend Tim, quilter extraordinaire and got me a sewing machine. I was delighted and look forward to doing a few things with it. I also got the most adorable Christmas monKey ornament with two monkeys. I think my favorite gift of all though was a business card holder. It has hot pink flowers on a border with my name engraved on it. Inside is the slogan my husband suggested that I use. I love it! All my gifts were wonderful but this one reflected such thought. My son came over and gave me an electronic organizer and a real estate dictionary which he proceeded to quiz me on. That guy! He was amazed at what I already know but I will be taking two weeks of further training next week.

My husband received some good stuff from Mrs. Claus which included a beer making kit, DVDS of the show House and a PS2 game. I was sad that the lottery tickets in his stocking were not big winners. I guess he will be going to work tomorrow after all.

We spent most of the day at my mother's house. My brother his wife, sister, her daughter, parents and my grandmother were there. We had a nice dinner. Sometime later my sister's significant other arrived. My sister has a horrible cold. She will be leaving in the morning. Tomorrow will be a hectic day for me as I run around getting papers I need and checks. Today was a much needed escape from the problems of the recent past. I am tired and looking forward to a restful night. This Christmas went surprisingly well and I am happy that I got to spend it with two relatives I have not spent time with in a very long time. Merry Christmas and good night.

Staying Afloat

Right now I am battling within myself. I am struggling to understand why some people say things and then when you take their advice get angry at you. I am wondering why people cannot just be happy that you have worked hard and put yourself in a place where you can possibly have more income (income of necessity not want). If they can't dictate to you how to live your life then they question your loyalty. What is that all about? Does one have to ruin any financial opportunities to prove loyalty? I think the key is that one must do what one needs to survive.
I am reminded of a quote "Don't tell me who you are. Don't tell me what you'll do. Show me what you've done and I will know you."

I just read a wonderful entry by Judith HeartSong. She makes such wonderful observations about life. She speaks how such situations are learning experiences. I must view this that way. I am about to embark on a journey. Where paychecks will not be steady. I have not received a paycheck in three weeks. (I am expecting to receive one for two of those weeks soon.) It's a bit scary. I have to view this as an opportunity to receive an education at which time I will start to earn money. Patience. Something I need to work on.

Christmas time has always been a struggle for me. It began when I was ten years old. I remember that Christmas as though it were yesterday. We took in a brother and sister foster children. My mother knew their aunt. For Christmas we were poor, my father was in the Navy and there were four of us children already. We crammed them into our rooms and now there were three sharing our double bed. For Christmas my mother bought the girl a teardrop pearl necklace. It was beautiful. My sister and I received a child's table with two chairs. It was ideal for my three year old sister but I was ten and although petite couldn't fit close to the table on the tiny chairs. My cousin called me and I went to her house. She had received a metal miniature kitchen. The sink even had running water. She also received a beautiful birthstone ring and many other things. I had such envy. It was so hard to deal with. The foster daughter was very mean to me. My mother kept telling me that I had to be understanding. At night she dug her fingernails into my arms until they bled. It was hard to be understanding. Finally they went back to their parents. We never heard from them again. Since then Christmas became an emotional ordeal for me. I still don't understand why but years later this haunts me. This year has been especially tough for us. We are both from large families. We have twelve nieces and nephews between us and two greats. We also have seven siblings and four of them have spouses. Over the years I have asked to stop exchanging. Some have agreed but most have not. I am overwhelmed with trying to shop and buy for all these people. Many of them buy anything they want all year and want or need nothing. Yesterday one who had agreed three year ago not to exchange called to tell me that she had bought us both gifts. Now in the eleventh hour am I expected to be out shopping for them? It gets harder each year. My charge bills arrived yesterday and thought I might need medical attention. I want to stop the madness. My mother-in-law's gifts are still here because I didn't have the money to ship them up there. I did ship the box with the children's toys earlier. I love buying gifts and I love giving. When the giving is so sacrificial it becomes difficult. It took me until the summer to pay off my charges last year. If my situation remains the same next year I think I am going to have to bite the bullet and refuse any adult exchanges except for each other, my son and our parents. I just can't keep going through this year after year. It ruins the holidays. I want to experience a Christmas Eve with the excitement that I once could. No stress, no pressure. I want the gifts I give to be sharing time, quality time with people I care about. Not an obligatory gift that I know they will be thinking "Who can I regift this to?" Sorry but how can I give you anything you want when you buy what you want on a daily basis? What can I give someone who is receiving diamond jewelery each year? Why do I feel pressured to go out shopping to get something for someone who agreed not to exchange knowing that I have two prescriptions I will be running out of in two days that will wait until my paycheck arrives to be filled.

This is my Christmas prayer: Lord please help me stop the madness and fill my heart with peace. Please don't let this stress get to me and necessitate a trip to the ER because I can't afford the copay. Amen.

Four Days and Counting

I cannot believe we are four short days away from Christmas. The countdown has begun.
Today I had the priviledge of taking my 94 1/2 year old grandmother grocery shopping. She is so sweet, words cannot describe my joy at spending time with her. I always think of the Christmas story about the cup of tea. How this woman goes into a house which brings back Christmas memories like a flood. My grandmother does that for me. My grandfather has been gone many years and I still miss him. To think that she will be gone one day just terrifies me.
She talks about that and I have to go into denial mode. I am seizing all the moments that I can with her right now. Thanksgiving was lonely for us. Although Rob and I are always happy to be together we only saw my son and no other members from either side of the family. Christmas we will have my grandmother here, my sister and her two daughters here and will be going Christmas Eve to my brother's house. It will be busy and we will see many of my family members. Rob's family haven't been here in three years. Fortunately, my parents who were dead set against meeting him have taken him into their hearts. Sometimes I think they like him more than me. Of course there are times I wonder whether they like me at all. Seriously.

I had Rob dye my hair last night. I have decided I cannot afford to get it professionally done anymore. It grows way too fast and often I am not happy with it. I was born with black hair. I was often asked if I had Asian ancestry which to my knowledge I did not. My grandfather's family were Black Irish. That means they had black hair and blue eyes. I always wanted that combination and think of Snow White when I think of that combo. My mother had that when she was younger. Now her hair is entirely gray and she refuses to put any color on it. I got the black hair but not the blue eyes. I have decided to have my hair be dark brown. It looks softer on a coughmiddleagedcough woman. It's also easier to add highlights or lowlights to.

I am tired tonight. I didn't sleep well last night. Change does not come easy for me like it once did. Even when we make changes we feel necessary it is hard to leave people behind. I hope as I get busier with launching a new career that will lessen. A new year dawns. I hope it will bring a feeling of financial security. I hope it will provide me with an opportunity to take a vacation, something I have not done in over a decade. Mostly though, I hope it will bring me good health and healthy relationships with the people in my life who matter most.

Changes in the Air

I am doing a lot of soul searching right now. Wondering where I should be in terms of my new license. There are many different ways it can be used and I am investigating the options which will be best for me. If I become a full time agent and give up my current part time job I will lose the security of the income (which is modest) however I will be giving myself an option to earn much more. I think I know what to do and have been receiving advice from people who have made careers for themselves. It's exciting but when one leaves the safety net it's always a bit uneasy.

I am still dragging from when I was sick several weeks ago. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and never did get back to sleep. I dozed but not the good restful sleep. I keep thinking how nice it would be to be making my own schedule more or less. I know that I have been way too stressed out. It's not good for me physically or mentally.

Tonight is my office Christmas party. Oops I mean holiday party. They start it at 4 which is ridiculous because noone shows up between 4 and 5. It goes until 8. At 8 a great new musician who just cut his first CD will be playing at a local pub. I would love to go providing I can stay awake. I think I could force myself.

Hanging Tough

December has been a rough patch for me. While I love Autumn and early Winter weather and the holidays I have not been feeling well or rested. I missed two weeks of work just after Thanksgiving and I just can't feel rested no matter how much sleep I get. Last night my sister called which was a wonderful surprise and we talked for two hours. I got to bed just before midnight and had to get up at 7a.m. Since I don't work on Tuesdays that wasn't plesant. I had to get up, get showered, get medicated and get to the endodontist for my root canal. I really dreaded this. I have to take a huge amount of antibiotics before I go and often am running into the bathroom frequently before the procedure begins. I have to say that I was thrilled with the wonderful and capable Dr. Berger. I told him if I ever need another root canal he'll be the one doing it. He was very relaxing and gentle and the entire procedure was painless. That was very different from my two previous root canals done by dentists. The procedure was completed in one day! I just have to go to my regular dentist for the permanent filling and I'm done. The novocaine has worn off and I have a bit of discomfort but nothing I can't handle.

Yesterday as I arrived home from work I saw a message blinking. My mammogram that I had several days ago and got a thumbs up for seemed to trouble another radiologist and I need to go back for more films. Since I had a breast cancer lesion removed two years ago I am a bit nervous. Hoping it will be okay, I go back a week from this Thursday.

Next Tuesday I get digitally fingerprinted. In my entire life I have never been fingerprinted. At least I won't have black ink all over the place but you know what this means. IF I ever commit a crime, they will readily identify me. Thankfully, I have nothing planned.

Today my one man support system Rob took off a day and took me to the endodontist. That helped me. When we finished there we ran into the mall and picked up a few things for Christmas and something for our friend's birthday. It will arrive belatedly but at least it will arrive.

It's overcast outside. This year our neighborhood has gone light on outdoor decorations, as have we. I want to make sure that next year I don't plan medical procedures or tests or any stressful things during the month of December. If things are going well financially maybe I will even take December off! No matter how stressed I am, no matter how full my plate is, I know that my life is good and that there are good people who truly care about me. There are others in my life who are not good people, who seem to enjoy being deceptive and who don't want me to succeed. I know that I am not responsible for those people. I keep them at arm's length and let karma deal with them. They will not rob me of my joy at all that is good.

A Tuesday to Be Thankful For

Tonight I am looking back on a day well spent. Yesterday I had a bit of a melt down feeling the pressure of my state licensing exam that I had to take today. Rob was home from work and was subject to my emotional bouts of terror. I did manage to get some studying in and took two practice tests online which helped to prepare me.

This morning I was up bright and early to do some final studying. My dear friend from work called me (one of the ladies I had taken the course with) to tell me she had just come from work and had said prayers for me. She gave me a pep talk as well. I simply adore this woman. I got dressed and decided to leave a bit early to pop in on my friend Monica who I worked with over thirty years ago. Her daughter was there with her four year old daughter who recently finished chemo and is doing well now. I met Monica's daughter when she was four years old and today I was looking at HER four year old daughter. Rather than feeling old I was explaining to Monica and her daughter that I had survived my cancer thirty years and am still going strong. Little Madison is a lovely girl and I took an angel that played Silent Night and she sang along with the angel. My heart was melting and I suppressed my feeling to just squeeze her so tightly. I feel it's important to act as normal as possible with a child under these circumstances. We had a nice visit and it lifted my spirits and Monica expressed her faith in me as well.

I headed over to the testing center. At the door I paused wondering if I could do this. I have had so much stress over this test. I read somewhere that 40% fail the first time. I did all my paperwork, had a horrible picture taken and was ushered inside with absolutely nothing. My purse had to be locked up. We couldn't even use our own pencils. Only a calculator of the simplest kind was allowed in. They allow 4 hours for the test. I can tell you that it is a very difficult test. They offer choices which make fine distinctions. You need to know the material thoroughly and be able to apply it to situations. I finished the test in under two hours. I walked out and they told me it would be a few minutes before the computer would give them the results. The results are pass or fail and not scored. Not sure why but that's how it is. My hands felt shakey although I thought I did okay. There was only one math question that I redid several times and couldn't get. I just moved on. After what seemed like an eternity the man smiled so broadly and said "YOU PASSED." I felt weak in the news. The tears began to flow and I was ferklempt. They handed me tissues. I explained to them how stressed out I have been. They said that they were glad I passed because if I were this upset over passing........... Yeah. I left with a huge sense of relief. Later my cell phone rang and my other coworker who took the class with me was calling. She had just passed her test and wanted to know that I had passed mine. She said if I hadn't it wouldn't have been as sweet for her. Yes I told her. I passed. I made many phone calls to let people know. I am proud of what I have accomplished. It wasn't easy to work and go to school and do the studying that I did. The important thing is that I did it. It will open up some other opportunities for me as far as income is concerned.

We went to IHOP to celebrate. We're just frivolous like that. :)
Seriously, I have missed two weeks of work with illness and studying. When I sell my first house we can celebrate then.

I just have one more thing to get through before I can relax. Next Tuesday I am having a root canal. While most people don't enjoy them, I find the dentist terrifying. Rob is taking me. I am not fooled. He wants to make sure I actually show up. After then, I will be able to enjoy eating hot/warm foods again. Right now it's not too pleasant.

As though visiting a friend, receiving tons of support from friends, passing the test and dinner at IHOP were not enough, I came online and saw that Jennifer, my journal guardian angel put up a Christmas tree and made it snow. Thank you, Jennifer.

Some days like today remind me how much I love life. Yes, you never know what new joys will unfold on any given day. Thank you God for another day of life.

Little Walks Down Memory Lane

Often I will read an entry in another's blog that will jog a little memory of my own. Tonight Jennifer was talking about her grandmonster turning 13 soon. It made me remember the traumatic incident that occured in my thirteen year old life.

We had a foster child named Michael. His father, stepmother and their children lived in a development. Michael couldn't get along with the others and they put him in foster care. He was a friend of my other friend Dee and I persuaded my parents to take him in. He was with us about a year I think. He had many friends from his development and one day he asked us to go and pick one guy up so they could hang out. I remember the first glimpse I caught of his friend, Ray. He had the largest, most piercing blue eyes and a beautiful smile. One glance and I was a smitten kitten. For the following year we went to each other's school dances and lots of trips in groups. We "went steady" for much of that time. During the end of the year Ray had "needs" that I was not willing to meet. He made it clear to me that their were other more worldly girls that were willing to. He tried to negotiate and bargain but I just wasn't that kind of girl. In June one night he called me and told me that he was breaking up. It was absolutely devastating to me. I called my best friend Debbie and through sobs told her how my world had ended. She had her Mom come and get me to spend the night at her house. I will never forget her mother, Dorothy telling me that there were "plenty of fish in the sea" and me sobbing in reply that there was only one FISH for me and Ray was it. We played "The End of the World" and other heart rendering songs as I cried throughout the night.

About a year later I fell in love, the real thing that lasted for three years with someone else. One day out of the blue Ray called me. He told me that he now understood what a jerk he had been.

The interesting thing is that from the day I first set eyes on Ray, I developed a "thing" for blue eyes. I always tell people never to underestimate the power of a teenage crush. Teenagers are vulnerable and often struggle with low self esteem. I am happy to report that my life was not ruined but it hurt at the time and I can still remember how I felt some forty years later.

'Tis The Season to be Stressed fa la la la la la la la la

I read an entry earlier about the commercialism of the Christmas holiday. It's so very true. This year, I have tried not to buy obligatory items but things that will have sentimental meaning to people. Still, I get weary. Although not up to it, I ran to the mall for gift certificates for my niece and nephew. They are great kids. It just feels so cold and impersonal to me.

One of my coworkers (who also took the real estate course with me) Melinda has sworn off all gifts. She started this last year when she said she had become completely overwhelmed. She has four grown children, the youngest of which is in an expensive college. She works THREE jobs, all part time. She has such a gentle voice and is a very compassionate person. When she told people she was going to implement this last year, they looked at her like she had three heads.
She went on to tell people that she would not accept gifts from them. This will be her second Christmas without the gift buying stress. She was telling me the other night how much more joy she can have. She still does a huge family gathering at her home. She makes a big deal over her children's birthdays. She just won't do the Christmas gift thing anymore. I love her courage.
One year I suggested to my family that we give donations to charities in each other's names.
My father who has everything humanly possible went ballistic. This is the man who year after year rips open something and ridicules it. This year he is getting a gift card to his favorite restaurant. My mother would no doubt cry all day if she didn't receive a gift. Again, there is virtually nothing you can buy her that she doesn't already have. Their VCR is only used when one of us is there to operate it for them.

Maybe next year Melinda's bravery will rub off on me and I will declare "Stop the madness."
Food for thought. Bon appetit.

The Big Monitor is Here!

Today was my day to rest up. At least until tonight when a coworker is driving me to get my certificate to take the state test. I know.......it sounds crazy but if I were not going to be there tonight I would have had to sign special papers. This is a very important certificate. I will go there, get it and get back to my toasty bed.

Rob stayed home with me today. HE got a lot done! We both worked on Christmas cards and they are ready to mail. Lots and lots of them. He then washed my kitchen floor, winterized our lawn and unpacked and installed my Christmas Monitor. It's a beauty. Sleek, black and large. I am loving being able to really see and the flat screen prevents a lot of glare from the glass ones. I get fatigue from my eyes.

I am still sitting here in my nightshirt. I was going to take a shower all day long but it just seemed like it would take too much energy. I do feel a tad better today, no doubt the antibiotics are starting to kick in. Had a barrage of phone calls today. I tried to call a few people back that I owed calls to but couldn't get anyone else home. Just as well because I am sure my voice could use the rest.

Christmas is less than four weeks away. Hard to believe. I still have some shopping to do. My brain hasn't been too creative this year. I wish money were no object and I could give Rob a certificate to choose his dream car. That's what I would wish for him. He has done so much for me and done it without complaining. I must confess that Rob is not perfect. I have discovered that when I snore he does things to wake me up. Being congested I have snored a lot lately. Other than that, he's my McDreamy. I look at that face and it still melts my heart. Damn, hope I don't blow any more valves!

All I really want for Christmas (at least right now) is chicken soup

I am still sick. I had woken up last Tuesday not feeling well and on Wednesday had a bad sore throat. Now I think I have a sinus infection. Called the internist and he will see me at 1:45. It seems to me that the right half of my head feels much sicker than the left. My voice is a scratchy sounding weak noise that my animals don't seem to be hearing. I had to call out of work, something I hate doing when I have no paid sick days. On the other hand, I am too ill to work and would not want to infect coworkers with this plague of sorts.

This morning I managed to remove the sheets from my bed and get them into the washing machine. Rob helped me replace them before going to work. He wanted to stay home and take me to the doctor himself but if he calls out the day after a holiday, he won't be paid for the holiday, which is two days. I told him I will be fine.

I would love some chicken soup with matzoh balls. There's this wonderful Jewish deli only ten minutes from me but it seems so far right now. I don't know what time they open. I sure wish they delivered. Once you've had their soup you are ruined for canned soup. When I get there I'm going to buy extra for my freezer.

I am still eating Thanksgiving leftovers. Is anyone else? Saw a recipe on a show where they used the turkey, gravy and veggies and made a top crust only pot pie. YUMMMM. No matter how ill I am, I never lose my appetite. Sometimes I think I starved to death in a previous life.