Saturday, January 28, 2012

New Blog Look

Today I got a yearning to update the blog look. I get bored with the same look all the time although I did love my lil snowman. I haven't been feeling well today. When the weather is rainy, warms up, then turns cold it has a negative impact on my lungs. I am also having ongoing stomach issues.
Yesterday was my mother's 80th birthday party. I got completely overwhelmed. I was worried with three brothers and four nephews we would run out of food. I made THREE pounds of baked ziti! It was really good and we had four pizzas and salad and honey barbequed chicken legs, wings and breast pieces. Delish. There was more than enough and my mother will have leftovers for the entire week, even with company! I cut my finger slicing bread and with the blood thinner, it bled and bled. I got exhausted and thank God that midway through the food prep my son called, told me I sounded tired and he was concerned, and he came to help me. We didn't leave a dirty pot or pan and he carried all the food to the car and into her house. I couldn't have done it. Everyone seemed to have a nice time. I also bought a cheesecake for my aunt who is visiting. Her birthday was in September and she had never received a birthday cake. We wanted her to feel special too. I think it worked :)
I'm glad my mother had this birthday. I don't think I will be able to do anything like this again. Today I ache everywhere, am short of breath again etc. I slept ten hours with oxygen overnight but still am not where I should be physically.
I am on an emotional roller coaster which seems to be out of control at times. One minute I find myself very depressed and the next just determined to fight to the very end which will be a long time away. Reality sets in and I grasp that this is all unknown territory. I KNOW that I have a fatal illness. That illness can cause sudden death or respiratory failure which takes years. Noone knows why some patients live so much longer than others. I read that because I no longer have my spleen my lifespan will be shorter as well. My family seem not to grasp any of this. My sister came to my mother's last night and hugged and kissed a sister-in-law and when we said hello, we weren't even acknowledged. I just don't get that. My oldest brother has been calling a lot, he made it a point of hugging me and offering to help etc. He and his wife bought us a special Christmas gift. My middle brother and his wife are loving, kind and supportive but have had their own stuff to deal with this year. My youngest brother came to my door last week but it was an odd visit. His wife didn't want to exchange gifts this year she said but then showed up at my other brother's with gifts for his family but not for mine or my sister's. This is the one my sister acted so happy to see. I don't get these people, I really don't. I am starting to let them go. The ones that can't see beyond themselves....I couldn't treat an acquaintance the way some of them have been treating me. I know that someday they will be sorry in the long run but I find no comfort in that. I have to focus on the people who have chosen to be there for me.


alphawoman said...

Nelle, what is the old saying about we do not get to choose our family? Maybe they are in denial? Your son sounds wonderful. Thank God he is so close to you. I care, and so many people care about you.


I agree with Alphawoman. Your family is in denial. You can choose your friends but not your family. You're STUCK with them and all the things they do and say. You can distant yourself from whom in the bunch, brings you down, if it brings you PEACE of MIND. DO it and maybe you'll feel some relief. I'm glad you had the celebration for your mom. You did a WONDERFUL job pulling it all together and getting it done. Sounds like she was very happy. I'm glad your son was there to help. You are in my prayers always. I ask the angels to surround you with bright white light and keep you safe. take care.

Missie said...

First, your blog looks great. I love flowers!

Second, we all have family we wished we could trade in. What can you do? Nothing.

Third, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the past few weeks. Happy one minute, sad the next. I haven't even been wanting to write in my blog.

Don't over do yourself! Take care!