The Value of Friends

Last week I had lengthy conversations with two different friends. My friend Monica I met when I was 19 and she was older, married with 4 children. We worked together. She has ALWAYS been there for me....through cancer, heart surgery etc. It's been mutual as I have always tried to be there for her, as when her husband died. Speaking to her is like getting a deposit in my emotional bank account. She builds me up and encourages me. We talk about her problems but she doesn't dwell on them. She's a good friend who lifts me up.
Last week I also had a conversation with a friend I'll call J. She had just gotten back from a vacation (which she was treated to by her mother who she is always complaining about.) She called and launched into a tirade of how she had played tennis and fallen and her injuries were inconvenient. (These were minor injuries.) She went on and on. I was silent for a long time and then she said "And how are you?" I paused a few minutes before telling her that it has been five years since I have had a vacation. I told her that she really needed to stop dwelling on the minor stuff and focusing on the big stuff. This friend has been calling and when we hang up I am emotionally drained after listening to her. She is dragging me down, not lifting me up.
I have made up my mind that at this time in my life I can't allow people to do that to me. I am fighting a rare and fatal illness that some people manage to battle for twenty years. Others don't do well. I can't help but wonder how the mind contributes to this. We only have so much emotional energy. When it is used up in a negative manner, it's gone. There's none left for the positive thoughts or the strength on a bad day to get through it knowing another good day is on the horizon. Life is all about choices. In the past I was willing to make choices that were not good for me in order to be the friend some people needed. I am not responsible for the needs of my friends, nor are they responsible for mine. I do however require that they are considerate of me enough not to use me to dump on. I don't deserve it and I won't accept it.