Saturday, February 13, 2010

Under the Weather

Yesterday at work I was not feeling too good. I toughed it out and we had training in the afternoon and I struggled to stay with it. Came home and fell asleep immediately after having dinner and missed the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Crawled into bed at 10:30 and slept until 7 a.m. which is late for me. I got up and let Rob sleep in. His back is really bothering him. We went to Walmart and got a few things this morning then we went to Lonestar Steak House for his belated birthday luncheon. He got a steak he loved, sirloin with crumbled bacon on it. We then came home and just as we finished a cup of tea my sister called to say she had seen a desk in a used furniture store I might like. We went and looked. I should have taken pictures of this store. It's like being in a huge flea market but the store itself used to be a grocery store. The aisles are overflowing with things and many have shelves that are six or eight high. Dishes, Christmas decorations, furniture, you name it, they have it! The roof was leaking I'm sure from the melting snow. We couldn't get up and down every aisle. One desk interested me but that was already being held for another customer. When my desk top computer went we took apart and threw out the large computer hutch. It had been moved several times and was being held together with screws. It was wobbly and with a laptop I use my kitchen table which is far more comfortable and convenient. Rob's computer has a computer hutch that matches our guest room furniture.

Valentines Day is tomorrow. My thoughts on love and a significant other offend some. I do not believe that there is ONE person in the entire world for you. I don't really believe in soul mates, at least not the way most people use that word.
If people were 100% alike a relationship would be quite boring. What I do believe is that too many people put all of their chance for happiness on one individual. My friend D (who does not read my blog) always talks about her soul mate B.
Mind you, when they met she told him that she was already divorced twice and had been cheated on and that is one thing she would never tolerate. He swore by the sun and the moon that he would never do such a thing. Well, guess what he was doing the last four months? When she found out, I basically asked her, if that was the ONE thing she had told him she would end their relationship over and he did it, didn't she feel he was sending her the message that he wanted out?
He swore all these other things and then two weeks later left her for the other woman. Shortly after that she made some statements to him and he came back. She swears this is because of his devotion/promises to her. In my opinion, she is being ridiculous. If she was together herself, she would let him go but she cannot because he is her "EVERYTHING and she is nothing without him."

Firstly, I believe an individual needs to have love and respect for themselves. Far too many people think they will find a person who will fill all the holes they have. They need to fill them themselves, sometimes with the help of therapists or friends but not by someone who they will then never be able to let go of. We are complete individuals, not halves looking for the other half of ourself. Too often this person who feels only partial will look for someone who seems romantically interested and proclaim them their soul mate. They will then put the responsibility for their happiness on this individual who in time may crumble from the pressure of it. That is not to say that someone in a crisis cannot lean on another person for a time. When people meet they can fall into a romantic love. That is usually when all the courting and often commitment take place. In time, romantic love lessens and they make a decision to love the person. IF they make the decision to, they will make all their decisions, hopefully, based on their "love" for the person. If they decide not to, or if they rethink and change their mind about the decision, they will allow themselves to consider other options. Twice in my life, although in love with someone, I realized that they were having a very negative impact on me and I made the decision to end the relationship. I do realize many people are in bad relationships because they lack the strength to change the situation OR it's not possible for them to due at a given time.

The best feeling in the world is to CHOOSE to love someone and to keep reaffirming to ones self that this is right for them. Having said that, to know that they are a total person on their own and should something change, they will be okay. We all come into this world alone (birth is a solitary experience) and we all leave the world alone (so is death.) I fail to understand why some people cannot go for weeks or months without having someone in their lives. I have a wonderful caring and loving significant other. I rejoice that he is in my life but I know that regardless, I would be okay.
Knowing that allows me the freedom to choose to be with him.

Happy Valentines Day to all of you. Rob, this is our tenth Valentines Day. They all said it wouldn't last. The day you told me that you would have me no matter what, if I had the courage to marry you or not, I knew you were the one for me.


Susan C said...

So sorry you're feeling under the weather. I've been amazed at how well you've been doing after returning to work full time.


Happy Valentine's Day. Sorry you didn't find a desk. I love looking for stuff in places like that. Hope you have a good week and that you're both feeling better soon.

Missie said...

Hope you're feeling better. Have a good week.

Lena said...

Very interesting thoughts about love and soulmates.

You know I feel however (maybe I am way too idealistic though) there is one perfect soulmate for you out there, and you don't have to be the same as this person, there is no rule of being alike here. But the thing is that most of us won't ever be able to find that one person. Funny world, isn't it?

So we settle for something less (while we actually don't know it is less) and truly believe it is true love. I believe we find good people and learn to love them, learn to get along and learn to compromise. And in most cases we are happy because we don't know anything else, anything more that that.
But if we do know what it is like to be with the right person and when we have lost that person due to any reason, then we will not be able to settle for anything less... Because we have something to compare with.

Belated Happy valentine's Day! :)