Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Blizzard Conditions and a Day Off Work

I woke up about four a.m. to see that it had snowed several inches. I was really wondering whether or not I would have to work but leaning towards yes. I called work and they said at that time they were open, but if you felt it was not safe to come in, you could opt for a vacation day. I then called Rob's work and found they were closed so I decided to take the day. I get ten hours a month to use for sickness/vacation. It's not a lot of time so I try to be careful about how and when I use it. All my accumulated time was used when I went out on disability last September. I called the weather line later and was told that the building was closed and we would be paid for the day, and would not be expected to use our days off. Hooray! These are the times I love working. Rob slept in and I took a two hour nap between ten a.m. and noon. He used the snow blower to assist a few neighbors and is now trying out his new Wii game Resorts. My Internet connection varies. I have FIOS and am wondering if we might lose it altogether.

Rob and I have had an upset recently. It seems last summer when I posted that I was hurt because I was not allowed to see his niece, his mother's family members told her I posted "horrible things about her." Anyone who knows me, knows this is absurd. You would have to be pretty stupid to post something on Facebook that you didn't want spread around. Secondly, the post was about MY feelings and not his mother. His cousin railed on in her postings which prompted many of my friends to post saying that what she was saying was untrue. The greatest irony of all was how his cousin said I should have kept it all private. She could post all she wanted on FB but I should use better judgement. The fact is that I cannot understand how his mother would believe this. If someone came to me and told me such a thing I would
A. insist on seeing the actual postings
B. confront the person and ask them why they did it.
I would not simply get angry about it and bring it up nine months later. Rob told her that he had read the posts. In fact, he made one, defending what I had said and pointing out the inaccuracies. His mother basically told him that he was not being honest when he told her I did not post anything horrible about her.

Life is very short. I no longer have the time, patience or desire to deal with this trivial b.s. I am an open and honest person. It has been difficult at times to deal with repercussions for speaking my mind. I will not have people in my life who wish to cause chaos or hurt others that I love and try to blame me for the pain they inflict. What makes me so very sad is that Rob has a niece who lost her mother two years ago. The whole thing started when his mother came through our town on the way back from Michigan. His mother lives in Rhode Island. She called Rob and told him she would meet him at the mall for dinner and he could spend ONE hour with his niece who lives three hundred miles away. Rob told her that I could not be there because I had just returned to work a few weeks earlier after a bout with pneumonia. She said that she was on a schedule and would be there at that time. He told her if she wouldn't accommodate me he would not come. She called him the next day and talked him into meeting them, even though she knew I could not join them and I was devastated at knowing his niece was so close and I would not be able to see her. I asked my boss if there was any way I could leave early and he told me absolutely not. I called and left his mother three phone messages telling her how hurt I was. I got no call back and neither of us heard from her for months. To this day, I have not spoken with her. She calls usually when she knows I am not home, still working. (She used to call Rob only on his cell phone but gave up when he stopped answering it during working hours.) I discussed this with a therapist who told me that she shows me no respect and that she seems to want to cause marital problems for us. I know she pushed her daughters to get divorced, one did and the other who is still married, moved far away. As a mother, I cannot understand why any mother would not be happy that her son found someone he loves, who loves him and has a good life. Granted, he lives far away but when his sister was dying we both took off work for a week and went to be there. We also went up several weekends during her illness and several times right after her passing. I don't understand where she is coming from or why. I guess I don't need to. I just need to distance myself. I would never discourage Rob from spending time with his niece or his mother. I just can't go through anymore right now. I am still grieving over the loss of my grandmother, watching my father slowly die, and trying to regain my health. That's enough. All else has to be put on the back burner. All my life I lived to please others and care for others, now it's going to be about me, at least for now.

2 comments:

Missie said...

I'm in the same place as you in my life right now. I have to come first!

Aine Butler-Smith said...

We women, and especially mothers, have a difficult time with making room for taking care of ourselves. I have worked very diligently to back off and give my daughter's their space and respect, I never wanted to be a manipulative mother with my adult children. I don't get it but being a mother myself with married daughters, I can only say that the behavior of mothers that get into power struggles with their adult children, seem to me to be lacking in self-respect and self-esteem themselves, and at this late date in the game, your MIL isn't likely to get a clue and change.

Aine