Thursday, August 13, 2009

It's Thursday.......

I know I haven't bee blogging like I did. For one thing, I feel so tired and things are hectic when I get home. To be honest, I am having some real physical issues right now. I am experiencing breathlessness. I get out of breath walking across a room these days. Since this was one of the things that led to the pneumonia I left work two hours early and went back to the doctor today. (I lucked out because if calls are slow coming in they OFFER us time off unpaid, this is the only way I am allowed to do this barring an emergency.) Got to the doctor's and she could see I was full of fluid. I don't think you can imagine how full. My feet are so swollen they were bulging out of my summer sandals. My legs are hard like bricks swollen to the max. They have been like this and painful for days. The only relief is laying on a bed with them elevated and not on a floor.
I kind of knew what she was going to say. Sometimes I wish I could be ignorant regarding these matters and be able to delude myself. I have never had that ability. I am a realist. When I had my heart surgery I went into kidney failure for over forty-eight hours. If it persisted another day I was going to need dialysis. I was lucky enough to have my kidneys start to work on their own again. By this time I had a kidney specialist on my case and he warned me that I might have problems later. Nah. Well, the fluid is either an indication of a kidney problem (will be tested to rule that out) or the very beginning of another problem. Something concerning the heart. That's all I want to say for now.
Right now with my grandmother under hospice care, my father severely disabled and my mother on the verge of losing it, I have to put the importance of this on the back burner. I will have tests done and try whatever medication will fill the bill but I can't let it overwhelm me.
On really bad days I have to remind myself that I won a battle for my life over thirty years ago. Each day since then has been a gift. I have to live it one day at a time and make the most of each day.
My biggest concerns are not for me but for those who count on me.


Ronni Gordon said...

Obviously you are very generous and loving towards your family, but your last sentence concerns me. You can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself. Sounds like you really need to get to the bottom of this lung thing. I remember being swollen and filled with fluid and it's TERRIBLE. So I hope you are on the fastest course possible to find out what's going on so you can get treated and feel better.

Missie said...

I get filled up with fluid especially in the leg they believe I had the clots in. It does get painful.

I'll keep you in my prayers that it's an easy fix and nothing tooo serious!