Those Left Behind

This past weekend one of our coworkers ended his life. We are all bewildered. We are hurting. We are barely funcitioning. We keep rehashing our last days with him. Our conversations and I remember his laughing at something I told him. I remember, almost always, seeing him with a smile. His kind gestures and thoughtfulness. He always called before coming in, did we need anything? I think of the last phone call where he called and I had three other calls on hold and I kind of rushed him off the phone.
I think I know why he may have done this. He apparently had financial problems and I am wondering if he had a hefty life insurance policy. Most people don't realize that you CAN collect on policies after they are a certain time period old even if you do not die a natural death.
My heart aches for this man's family. I had met his wife a month or so ago. I cannot imagine how she is feeling. There are something I hope never to understand.
In the meantime we grieve, we miss our friend. We feel the loss. We cry and we hope that somehow we will never go through this again. We find ourselves telling each other that we are here for each other. A counsellor is coming to talk to us. To explain and to offer us support. In the meantime, we go through the motions. It's all we can do. You will be missed B. Perhaps more than you might ever have imagined.