Wednesday, March 09, 2011

The Good and the Bad

My cousin and her Mom were here for two glorious days. It was wonderful to have their company. They spoiled us by taking us out for every meal. The whole time we have had company this was the first time there was no food prep or dirty dishes, save the lunch I made them when they arrived. Because they have been through this, they understood and shared a lot. Sometimes just being understood is worth it's weight in gold. I stayed at my mother's, with my cousin, so I had two days without animals to worry about. When I arrived home I was shocked to hear a phone message that had been left. A friend was angry that I had not called her back in the past two weeks. (I had called her the day my Dad died and that was exactly two weeks earlier.) Truth be told, I had attempted to call her and if she had checked her caller id she would have seen that. I did not leave messages. She only has a cell phone, no house phone and reaching her is not always easy. She went on to say not to bother sending her cards (I had sent her a St. Patrick's Day card) as we "never talk." I cannot tell you how upsetting this was. Firstly, my father had died two weeks to the day yesterday. In that short time I have spent countless hours calling social, security, their utilities, etc. to have things changed into her name. Some require copies of the death certificate. People are constantly dropping by my mother's house, bringing productivity to a standstill. My mother is not fully functioning right now. I prepped her house for company, changed bed linens and fielded what phone calls I could. Should I have to explain this to someone? I think not. While all this has gone on, I have also continued to deal with my health issues and see doctors and make sure meds are filled and taken. Anything I do at my mother's is with me struggling for breath. My mother's house has been a constant delivery point. My brothers friends have sent floral, and fruit arrangements and the food deliveries still continue. I am astonished at how much support their friends and their families have given and how generous they have been. Some of my brother's friends have actually called me to see how I was doing. My neighbor, Stacey, was at the funeral and has called and or visited me each day since then. If I am not around, she leaves a message just to let me know I am in her thoughts. Yesterday when she called I was crying about the phone message and she cried with me. The friends you think will be there for you sometimes cannot be. Maybe they choose not to be. I have learned once again that I can only truly count on myself. I'm a strong person who has survived cancer several times, heart surgery and five bouts of pneumonia in twenty months. I will survive this too. It would just be easier with some genuine caring and support.

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