May I have some cheese for my whine?

I have been sick over two weeks now. I am tired of being sick and tired and mainly of these God awful sores all over my tongue and down my throat. Nothing is helping them. I am also weening off the steroids. I feel like something which is not me. I am brought to mind over and over all the sufferings of the many friends I have and sometimes it brings me to tears.

My grandmother is hanging on in her home with my aunt caring for her. The hospice people say she will not let go, she is fighting every second. She is 97 and I would think she would be happy to think that rest will come and peace. I feel so badly for my aunt who is not well herself and trying to take care of someone who is medicated and argumentative. It almost makes me glad that I will probably not live into my elder years.

I am desperately searching for something to eat. Firstly, everything takes chalky and awful. Secondly even yogurt hurts to eat. I had burns in my mouth from radiation and the doctor had me crush aspirins in applesauce to coat my throat so I could eat. If I get desperate enough perhaps I will try that. I pray I never have to take such high dose steroids again but it seems likely. I am going for a huge bloodwork up on Monday. My white count needs to come down significantly. I'm usually an optomistic person and a fighter but right now I feel so weak physically it's hard to find that grit that I can usually grasp onto. Maybe tomorrow.