Saturday Wind Down

Had a really bad attack of IBS in the wee hours of the morning but I was able to go back to sleep finally about 5 and slept until 9. got up and jumped right into what needed to be done. So many errands: took new jeans I got at TJ Maxx to tailor to have about three inches cut off the pants legs. It's hard being 5 2. Rob drove me and we stopped in a pizzeria and I got a salad and he got bruschetta pizza that looked so good. After that we ran to the grocery store and it seemed we just did a fill in kind of order but it still came to $120.00. I did get two bouquets of fresh flowers that I love. Sometimes I just treat myself because I do work hard for the money. We came home and I loaded up the dishwasher and turned it on and started in on the laundry. While that was going I sat down and paid bills. Amazing how quickly $1600.00 goes out the window. A mortgage payment and a few other bills add up quickly. I was happy to see that the hospital refunded me $100.00 on my credit card. I also made a call a few weeks ago and got my primary insurance to pay $250.00 for a bill they processed as out of network. Come on guys, you paid to have a line put in my arm but then want me to pay to have it removed? I am on blood thinner and didn't think having a home health visiting nurse yank it out sounded like a good idea. Last time when it caused a major problem you spent thousands on an ER visit so this was a bargain for you. Really.

Next I cleaned out my refrigerator and sent dinner over for my parents. Chicken and biscuits which Dad loves. Also fresh cooked green beans. We had dinner and I just got done with the clean up and the laundry is about ready to fold now.

Rob has also been keeping busy doing things for me. He put the garage back together after I dismantled an area to find a box to mail our nephew a birthday gift in. Adam was so happy with what we sent and pronounced me a shopping goddess. I got him a nice pair of jeans and hooded flannel shirt from Macys and Rob got him two books he loved.

Not sure what's on the schedule for tomorrow. We did most of what we needed today so maybe it will be a day to kick back and take it easy although we never seem to actually do that. There is always just too much to do on the weekends.

Hope you are having a good weekend. It was 88 today but tonight it will cool off. I so welcome the cooler weather.

The passing of time

This past year has flown by. For much of it I was so sick that the days unmarked. When I realized the other day that October 14th marks my grandmother's passing as one year then it hit me. I have been going through life on auto pilot much of the time.

About two weeks ago a problem I thought I no longer had reared it's painful and ugly head. IBS. With all the stress with my job, my Dad and my health issues it has been horrible. It is usually cycles of extreme constipation and then diarrhea. I have had the constipation issues and when your job has you accounting for each minute of your day, it only complicates things to the max. Anytime my body is straining concerns me because of my heart valve. Add that stress to the pile that I already have and it only excaserbates the problem.

The past three weekends have been ones where I had to stay home or be at the doctor's or ER. Last night I was afraid I was heading down that path again but after drinking some herbal teas and pacing the floor half the night it seems relief may be in sight. I certainly hope so. It's sunny and beautiful and my sister is in town. I want to get over there and visit for awhile today. I want to have some hours where Rob and I can just relax and communicate about anything other than health issues. On a positive note, Rob's hours changed. I am thrillled about that. He was having to get up at 5:30 a.m. to start his 7 a.m. shift. I could have slept another hour and a half but being the light sleeper that I am his alarm woke me and I was not able to go back to sleep. Now he can get up at 6:30 which means we can have an hour longer to sleep in. With getting up so early we weren't even able to stay awake for the ten p.m. shows we watched.

One of my young cousins, Christie, started a gratitude blog. I read it each day and marvel at how this young lady has turned her life around. She had some rough years but now has a husband, baby and a good job and she appreciates each and everything so much. I am trying to follow her example and think each day of one thing to be grateful for. I know I have so many. Sometimes the health issues overwhelm them and they become my entire focus. This is not good. We cannot change circumstances, only how we react to them. Each day I try to think of something I am happy about.
This week at work we got a raise. It was small but at least it was something. While some people are losing their homes I have a job. When I am too ill to work I have temporary disability to fall back on. These are all positives.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND AND THINK OF ONE THING YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR TODAY.
Have I mentioned lately I am grateful for all of you who follow my blog? I am, more than you will ever know.

Small Update

I have been neglecting my blog and everything else this week.
On Friday last I was in the emergency room with potassium that was too high. I sat around last weekend like a slug trying to get some energy and struggled to make it through the days at work. Was feeling better yesterday and so relieved it is Friday today. I am actually runnng late getting ready for work but wanted to post an update of sorts.

Last week we noticced my Dad could no longer follow our voices with his eyes. His speech, the few words he said were fewer and inappropriate for our questions and then he lost the ability to hold a spoon and feed himself at all. It is heartbreaking to watch. On Sunday the head nurse of the agency came and verified he had another stroke. He has lost a lot of ground this time. This is his third major stroke in 18 months. I have to marvel that his body survives them. At this point, to survive them is a betrayal of his body. He has lost any quality of life that he once had. They have arranged now for hospice to come. There is a DNR order and they will keep him comfortable but no heroic efforts and I am very comfortable with that. My mind is constantly distracted with thoughts of how much longer he will behere and how my mother will handle it. She lost her mother less than a year ago and I don't believe she had dealt with that at all.

I feel ready for him to leave us. Yet I know when the moment comes it will be very sad. Not for the man he is now but for the young father who was so proud of his children and always made me feel protected. He was never perfect and I would not portray him as such. Still, I have felt a slow but continuous loss over this entire time. I just pray that his end comes peacefully for all our sakes.

September 3rd

Today is September 3rd and the twentieth anniversary of my son's diagnosis with leukemia. I remember the day, what I was wearing, the phsyical pain in my body immediately after being told. At the time they told us he was double high risk. His age was a huge factor against him. IF you are under five or an adolescent you are at much higher risk for survival. That was the day I met my friend Paula Grandin.Her son was in the next room having been diagnosed earlier that week. It would later turn out that my son Tom was "lucky" to have ALL or childhood leukemia. Danny had AML which was harder to treat. I am still in contact with Paula who moved away to the South.

My world changed so much that day. I would never again see it as the place that had previously felt so much safer.

We are so very fortunate. Tom survived. I do believe that my research in the medical library, contacting doctors at both Memorial Sloane Kettering and NIH had something to do with it. Ihad to make a serious decision as to the protocol he would be given. The doctor felt the standard would not be enough for him. There was no sibling for a bone marrow transplant. I had already had cancer myself so I couldn't be considered for a donor. There was new protocol which was much stronger. It could cause many other problems. I had to go for it. My son had ONE chance and I wanted him to have all the artillery he could. One side effect of that protocol was he got an infection in his leg. It was very serious and he went septic and ended up in ICU for several days. He was in so much pain. At that time I began to question my decision but reassured myself it would be okay.

At the tiime I was still married to his father. His father couldn't handle it at all. He ran from the hospital the day they told us he was not in remission and things looked bleak. He didn't come back for over a month. (The first four months Tom had to be inpatient due to many reactions and complications.) I slept in a recliner by his bed the entire time. He was afraid for me to leave him and frankly I just couldn't.

The outcome is good. Tom is still here. Honestly, he underwent some changes both physically and mentally. He has never been the same in some ways. He is here though. Still with us. I have to believe I made the right choice. Still, September 3rd is a very rough day for me. Going to work now and hoping it's a good distraction.

Two more days of work then three days of relaxation

This week is going by slower than most. Two more week days before three days off.
My work is more stressful than it was a few months ago. They have let people go and the workload of those remaining has increased. Our work has a strict attendance policy and most people are let go for calling out too much. On Oct. 22 I will be with this company for three years. At that time I will get more paid time off and I am so looking forward to that.
I am receiving medical bills from all the out of network provider. I think there is a mistake because so far my insurance had paid NOTHING to them. I need to call but they are only open during my work hours which is a big problem. During my week day I get two fifteen minute breaks and a half hour for lunch. The time is strictly monitored. There really isn't time for a phone call. Not when you are also using this time for bathroom visits and obtaining food and drink. There are many positive aspects to my job as well. Like a steady paycheck. I am so thrilled when I get holiday pay. Last year I was out on short term disability and missed all that. This year I want to take full advantage of it. :)

Well time to get dressed. I have been awake for two hours, cleaning up the kitchen, doing my computer games such as Farmville and catching up on emails/blog reading. The weekend is coming and I am so ready for it. Have a good day!

Anniversary Thoughts....and Wedding Moments

Today is our eighth anniversary. Marrying Rob is one of the few things I have never regretted.
I have three distinct memories of that day that I treasure.
One was my childhood best friend looking at me before we walked into the room and I began to cry. "Second thoughts?" she said. "Deb, these are tears of happiness." (Mind you I have only shed tears of happiness three times in my life. Once when I held my son for the first time. Secondly, when my son finally went into remission on the final day where we still were given hope. Thirdly that moment right before I walked down the aisle.) The second moment forever in my mind was when Rob saw me. He was waiting for me across the room and we met in the middle and walked up the aisle together. He grabbed his heart and smiled from ear to ear. It was a moment to make any bride feel the most beautiful ever.
During our reception Rob's baby sister Jennifer came over and we danced. I had them play several Irish songs and one was the "Unicorn Song." Jen and I alone swept the dance floor and had the best time. After that she proclaimed us the unicorn sisters. I was the big unicorn sister and she the little unicorn sister. We gave each other unicorns for gifts and I still have a lovely pink one in my bedroom. We had such joy. She had told me earlier in the year that if her brother didn't propose she was going to because she simply had to have me in her family.
I miss Jen and think of her often but that is my favorite memory of her.
When people take vows, they never anticipate what might happen. About two years later Rob had to support me through open heart surgery. I was in intensive care for a week and it took me a year to fully recover. After that there were many other things to deal with. Rob has had his hands full supporting me. He has never complained. He got angry when one of our neighbors came over and was complaining about having to care for her sick husband. When Rob left the room she told me that he had to resent all my health issues. I just smiled and told her that when people truly love you, they are not thinking of themselves but only you. She said "Then I guess I don't love K."
I know this. I love Rob and Rob loves me. No one can change that. I wish more people could know the kind of love we have felt for each other. The world would be a better place.
Thank you Rob for the ten years you have always been there for me. There has never been a moment I have not felt loved. The last decade has been the hardest in many ways but because of you I've survived it and had great joy. You are the only person who could finish my sentences for me, and the odd thing is you were doing that after I had known you only a month! When I find it hard to keep going, I make myself because of you. You make it all worth while.

Weekend Activity

This weekend we vowed to take it easy. Thursday at work I ate a salad that literally set me on fire. It has buffalo chicken pieces in it (small) and it was served in a taco bowl which I nibbled a little of. By dinner time I was in pain and the evening found me doubled over. Friday I made it into work and worked through the pain but it was not easy. Saturday I called the doctor and went in. Now the pain seemed to radiate into my side and make sleeping difficult. He touched my stomach in several places and found one spot that set me into intense pain. He told me I have an ulcer. Put me on some medicine for 14 days to heal it as I eliminate certain things from my diet. YIKES.

I am much better today some 24 hours later. I am making the very mild but homemade mac and cheese for supper.
Rob loves it anyway. Always make an extra for my parents who rave over it. Otherwise, taking it nice and easy....really looking forward to next weekend, three days. Just found out my sister is coming Thursday to my Mom's and staying through the day Monday. I sense shopping in my future. We shop for homegoods more than clothes these days. The older I get the more I appreciate, have a friend in my sister. Noone else knows what I am going through with my Dad like she does. She loves Rob and he enjoys the brotherly attentions he receives. We still miss Rob's sister so much. Even though we lived far away she emailed and called and always made us laugh. Sometimes you don't know what you have 'til it's gone. I know....I know that I am fortunate to still have her and I am happy to share her with Rob.

Tired and Getting Plenty Done

I really struggled to finish out my week at work this week. I have a small work cubicle and at times I have to get things I store below the desk top. I got dizzy several times doing that. Then I had some rather rambunctious customers on the phone who felt they needed a scapegoat to unleash on. Sorry but I just let that roll off my back which makes them even angrier. On the other hand I was able to assist two customers (businessmen) who thanked me profusely and told me how great I was at my job. Those are the calls I will dwell on. One Rangers fan even forgave me for my devotion to the Devils. (For anyone who might not know those are hockey teams who are real rivals.)

Saturday I was up bright and early running errands, getting blood work, mailing bills. My sister came to Jersey to help out with my Dad. Caring for him is proving more and more of a challenge to my 78 year old mother. We help as much as we can but with working full time and running our own home, our time we have is limited. Dad is getting weaker by the day and it's hard to watch his slow decline. At times he becomes agitated and cusses like a sailor. (He was in the Navy so it's appropriate. ) My Mom always forbidded any "four letter words" so she falls apart. His aides were called SOBs and she was embarassed. I have explained to her repeatedly that they are trained to recognize dementia and see it in many patients. All three of the people currently helping out with Dad are from Guayna. It's amazing how often they go there to visit their families. At these times it becomes increasing difficult to get someone there at least twice a day. Mind you, Mom pays for all of this care out of pocket. The minimum is three thousand dollars per month. She is worried about money although I assured her today that she still owns property and a farm she could sell if need be. I told her that at their ages (Dad will be turning 88 in October) I can't see them running through their money. My sister left to go home at six a.m. this morning and my mother fell apart. My sister works full time and has a daughter leaving for college tomorrow. We are all so proud of her daughter who will be going to pharmacist school. She has been working in chemical research while completing her master's. She is a wonderful person who always has a smile for everyone. She tried to get into a closer school but was offered a position in Chicago and Atlanta and she chose Chicago. Flights are not cheap but I promised to help if necessary so she can be with us at Christmas, she has been every year.

Rob's computer is getting a much needed "tune up" depending on the outcome of what they tell us, we may have to buy another computer this week. If they can fix the old desk top we will still get him an inexpensive laptop. I wish we could afford a nice Mac for him but not at this time. My plan is to continue to pay off medical bills and money I owe my company for benefits they kept for me while I was out. I figure by December I will be caught up. Oh happy day.
Well, it's been a restful weekend for the most part. I hate Mondays but I know the weeks fly by and another weekend will be here before we know it. Have a good week everyone.

Small Update

Yesterday I managed to leave work a few hours early so I could get the chest xray I have needed. Who knows what they will figure out about the "new thing" on my right lung? I figure it is most likely scar tissue and if it is something else I will deal to when I have no other option.

Today is lovely, much cooler than it has been. Rob has gone to the local flea/farmer's market to browse. Too much walking for me and besides I am going to tackle this kitchen floor. White kitchen floors when you have two animals who use your sliding glass door dozens of times a day, simply don't mix. Duffy is shedding his winter coat and there is dog hair which I sweep and vacumn nearly every day. Today he is going to the groomer who will get a lot of it off.

My neighbor came over last night for a visit, bringing a bottle of TGIF margaritas. They don't compare to Chilis but I was tired and they were free so I had a few. Lots to do this weekend as usual. So many things get ignored during the work week and pushed back for the weekend.

Well, enough procrastinating. I simply must have breakfast and get busy on this floor. I am actually bringing out the heavy artillery, the bucket and scrub brush. Wish me luck.

Still Here and Functioning

I have been so exhausted I have neglected blog entries. I go to work and come home, eat, perhaps watch an hour of tv and go to sleep. Monday to Friday that's the drill.

I find it so difficult to get from my car to my desk. I get winded and have to stop repeatedly (sometimes I actually feel faint) and then people all rush over and ask if I am okay. Soooo embarassing. I feel like I most apologize for my lungs.
Cripes. When I have training I have to walk all the way across the entire building and I am terribly worn out. Best of all, I am doing everything with every minute of my day accounted for (literally). Sometimes I wonder if it can possibly be worth it. Wouldn't I be better off living in a hut somewhere eating food I grew or found? I'm just not that earthy. I can hardly take camping with the bugs. I need my laptop and internet and some good earrings. Sorry but my hippie ways of baking my own bread have been replaced with being content to buying multigrain bread.I do still prefer hand crafted earrings though.

As though the lung issues weren't enough, the job stress is shooting my sugar levels up. This causes me to feel dizzy. Nothing like being on the phone with a customer who is screaming at you while you're feeling dizzy. Lord have mercy. The other day I actually had a customer who was so angry that throughout the call she tried to find every way to insult me. Not the other company who she should have been made at, but me, personally. At the end of the call she wished me a "blessed day" and then called me some insults colored with curse words. Can you imagine?

Well I have to leave...just got done reviewing all my medical claims. I wouldn't mind so much if I FELT better. I am having my benefit money I owed while out taken out and paying on all the things I owe besides. I think I need a retreat but it would have to be really, really inexpensive. Oh and no bugs!

Relief at Last

Last night I felt as though I might have a total meltdown. The past few weeks have been very trying. I learned yesterday morning that a former coworker and mentor, a lovely young 42 year old mother of two sons passed away. She had relapsed with breast cancer about two years ago. I knew it was coming but you can never be prepared for these things. I had to go to work and get through a trying day there. I knew I had to get to the lung doctor as well who is only in her office on Thursdays.

I tossed and turned unable to sleep. In the end I had about three hours sleep and was mentally and physically exhausted. I was experiencing anxiety as well. I kept Rob awake also and he called out of work as did I. I called the lung doctor office and they squeezed me in for this afternoon. She said that my thyroid is full of small nodules, all of which appear to be benign. That will get ultrasounded periodically now. As far as the "new thing" on my xray from Sunday she said that she believes it's most likely some old stuff not yet cleared. Apparently my CT scan of a month ago shows the lungs are far from normal still. They need to go months with no problems to continue to heal and clear. As a precaution she wants me to get them xrayed again in two weeks. I feel somewhat relieved.

There is a memorial service for our friend tomorrow evening. She was very active in the community and they are expecting there to be lines of people. I will try to go. On Saturday morning there will be a mass said for her and I plan to make it to that. Her friends and family are staring a theatre group in her memory for children. She loved the theatre and was in many amateur productions. When I think of her I think of two things: her beautiful cascading natural curly hair and her huge smile. You will be missed Michelle.

A Small Slip of the Tongue (or Brain)

Friday night I was not feeling my best. On Thursday I left work early and went to see the internist. I told her I thought I had a sinus infection. She examined me and said she was reluctant to give me antibiotics and thought it was viral. She said to call her back Monday if I was not better or if I felt worse just to go to the Emergency Room. See, silly me thought that by seeing her I might avoid that. I came home and took two Benadryl had a good nights sleep of twelve hours and went to work on Friday feeling better. That night I began to cough again. Saturday I was pretty good and now using the prescription nasal spray which was supposed to do the trick. Saturday night I was coughing again and noticed a small amount of blood. For me this is a real red flag. Sunday I got up and felt okay then as the morning went on I was having several dizzy spells. Although I never had this happen before, I realized it was vertigo. After lunch I began thinking of how the doctors always tell me to seek early medical help and I decided I just should go to the ER so that on Monday I could go to work. We got to the ER and there were few people. I liked that. I was quickly taken to the back and checked out. A congenial doctor came to take my information and asked me to tell him "what was going on". Little did he know he was in for a history lesson. I began to tell him and I was thinking of how I shouldn't leave anything important out and I explained that the infectious disease doctor said I should have blood cultures before receiving any antibiotics. Why he asked? OK here it goes, I actually said this "Because there could be an orgasm in my blood that keeps affecting me."

He looked at my husband and they laughed hysterically. It took another minute before I realized what I had said. OMG. ORGANISM...I meant organism. Then they really lost it. What a moment. I said "Thank God this has not been videotaped." Seriously. I am hoping this doctor does not have a blog. Is there a doctor website where they post the top funniest patient ER moments? The doctor brought the nurse in and insisted I repeat what I said to her. I was waiting for him to show up with janitors etc. but he took pity on me.

There is something still on my right lung. Small. Could be scar tissue. Lung doctor will check it out and in the meantime as a precaution against an orgasm, I was prescribed Levaquin. Now for the pain of embarassment I will go hide my head under the nearest pillow.

Some People Give Heart Attacks and Others Receive Them

I am afraid I will be the later. Sheesh today did not go well at all for me. Day started when I called my Mom and she repeated something to me better left not said. Then she goes on to tell me of a disagreement of annother family member. I leave for work feeling a bit shaken. (I hate when people are upset with me but tell others not me and then months later, my mother seems compelled to share this with me.) I resolve to straighten this out but have to go to work so put it on the back burner. I get to work and realize I have not eaten anything. I slept TWELVE hours last night, thanks to a large dose of Benadryl the doctor told me to take. I rush into the work cafe and grab and egg and bacon sandwich and cup of coffee then rush up to my desk. I am wearing a lovely silk top that was just dry cleaned. Within five minutes it has a nice circle of egg yolk on it. UGH! I then began to take phone calls when I receive emails from someone in my company who says I didn't show for a meeting. Huh? I go back through older emails and see she sent an email with NO DATE OR TIME. I then email her back explaning that she said I would be notified of the date/time. She tells me to come in the afternoon. Now the mild anxiety that I hold at bay is trying to overtake me and I struggle to keep it in check. Something else happened which was disturbing and I thought I was might be in trouble but I wasn't. I can't go into it for the privacy of my company or coworkers.

I get home and send an email hoping what my mother told me was exaggerated. She has the worst habit of repeating thing and messing them up. Oh dear God, thank you for letting me make it until Friday. There were times I didn't think I could get through the week. I am still waiting for the report of my last ultrasound since they found something in my CT scan. So far, no report has been received by either doctor. Today I thought about calling the radiology place but I just couldn't bring myself to make that call. Not today. Maybe next week.

Hello Friends

My blogging has slacked off for several reasons. I am back at work and I leave the house at 8 a.m. and do not get home until after 6 p.m. It's a long day and been an adjustment for me. I always have phone messages from friends (who I have repeatedly told my hours to) who seem surprised I am not here when they call.

This past weekend my mother went away for four days and my sister came to care for my Dad. Rob and I spent several hours there on Saturday and Sunday to keep her company. It's getting harder and harder to get reliable health aides. Somedays they don't want to be bothered to come and don't. Since my Dad is 200 pounds and like an infant who can't move his right side at all, and wears diapers this is a real problem. They have used three different companies. The aides want to come for three hours minimum but my mother gets upset because they want to change him, watch him eat then watch tv or text on their cell phones. She feels she should only pay them when they are working. The companies suggest that they can do "light" housework and we have encouraged her to have them do laundry, dishes etc. These agencies charge her $22.00 an hour but they pay the employees about $10 an hour. Now the agencies are refusing to send anyone for less than three hours so she is having them twice a day, where they used to come three times a day. She is very frustrated. The doctors never thought he would live this long. If you can call it living to be sitting in a chair that supports you like an infant and being able to speak few words (many of which are confused) and to be in diapers. My father would have hated for anyone to see him like this. My mother hates for people to come and just act like he isn't there asking her questions about him. We are just hoping the company will get more people who are more reliable (and strong enough to pull him out of his recliner and move him in and out of bed.)

There has been major upset with my husband's family. I won't go into it but it has caused us a lot of sleepless nights.
It seems when there are a lot of people hurting, everyone focuses on their hurt and not the hurt of others. I tried to make a phone call to smooth things over, but that didn't seem to go as planned. I have been so ill this year that I have made a decision that NO ONE will be allowed to damage my health. I try hard not to hurt people but I am open and honest. If people don't like that, I am going to have to accept that they don't like me and just let it go. It is so hard to watch someone you love hurting, and even harder to know there is not one thing you can do to make it better. All I can do is let him know that I love and appreciate him.

Well time to get to work. I woke up with a headache for the third straight day. Work has been going really well. I just kind of fell right back into the groove and adapted to the necessary changes.

You Say It's Your Birthday

the top of the popcorn tin..the sides have the same pictures on it over and over, I will keep this and use it for storage :)

My birthday (all my clothes, especially tops are too big for me but I can't replace everything. (pic to right)

Below pic taken today after I had my hair trimmed. These are peace sign flip flops and a bottle of Ed Hardy Sangria.

You can see that I am retaining fluid in these pics! Time for some Lasix.

Thank you for all who wished me a Happy Birthday on FB.

I am so fortunate to have so many friends and I appreciate you all.

Another Birthday, July 8th(part 1)

This was my birthday cake, strawberry shortcake, YUMMMY

This bakery puts a chocolate bar with your name on it too!

What a great birthday I had this year. My coworkers really showed me the love with a wonderful homemade card filled with many beautiful messages, a rose and a small cake. I also got balloons. When I got home I had this delish cake waiting for me and a package from my friend (who I met as a fellow AOL blogger) Jennifer. This lady knows me. She got me the tin filled with the most delicious popcorn and I am indulging and loving it! Rob got me a book, three small bands to be worn as one ring, and a SKIN IT for my laptop. Of course, he chose a peace sign theme. I also received a pair of peace sign flip flops, a bottle of Sangria, two flip flop frames that are magnetic and I can use at work and some moola.

laptop skin shown above....I love peace signs :)

Hope You Enjoyed Your Fourth of July

It was nice to have a long weekend. Of course, they always go by much too fast.
The night of July 2nd we headed down to the shore and ate a a "drive in" called Circus Drive In. You can actually eat under a tent like set up but it's all open. They had fresh seafood and I thought of my grandmother and how she loved her seafood. Her birthday would have been July 15th and for some reason I am thinking about this an awful lot.

I returned to work last week for two days. As last time, my desk was now occupied by someone else and my stuff (or most of it I should say) was left elsewhere. I found it but my garbage can was gone, and some other items that I purchased such as antibacterial wipes and a mirror were gone. My previous boss, a lovely lady, was promoted. That made me happy but the replaced her with a man that I really didn't know. He certainly was quite different than her or my previous boss. I was quickly told I would be moving to yet another team and after having cleaned up one work area, I went to another desk and cleaned things there. This new boss to me, is a young woman I have always liked and often wished I worked for. I see that as a positive. On her team is a man I like very much who I have much in common with. He is also diabetic and tends to watch out for me which I grately appreciate. There are some other people I like on the new team as well so I am optomisitic. This week will only be a four day work week for me, thankfully.

Yesterday we went to my parents house and my sister-in-law Stephanie provided a cold lunch for us all. I took a cake.
We had a nice lunch and lounged around chatting for several hours. We came home and were finishing watching the HBO miniseries about John Adams when half an hour from the end, we heard very close fireworks. I looked out and saw two of our favorite neighbors outside so I ran out. I love fireworks but was too tired to make the journey to see any. We had a short but lovely show and then they stood around our yard visiting. It was nice. Unfortunately, I got too stimulated and couldn't go to sleep when I came in. Laid awake for hours and today I have been exhausted. Early to bed tonight for sure.

I had an MRI before I returned to work. The pneumonia is pretty much gone but not one hundred percent yet. They told me it would take months. They found something else that will require me to have an ultrasound. I am not really worried but they feel that it must be addressed. Hopefully I can get that done this week, after work one evening.

Facebook Statuses That Were Posted THERE This Week

Father's Day is this Sunday I was trying to think of a way to honor my Dad. While his physical being is still with us, so much of what made him himself is gone. It's like you are mourning for someone who is still here and at times, you wish for HIS SAKE that it would end. My Dad would have never wanted to be alive like this. He has so little control over his body. It is difficult for us to care for him and even harder to get people you are paying to show up and do a good job.
The care is very expensive and it is a credit to him that he saved over the years to afford it when he needed it.

My Dad was from humble beginnings. He was born in Alabama and moved to Louisiana (he pronounced it Loosiana.)
He had a very controlling mother and at the age of 17 he left and joined the Navy. He never spent more than a few nights again with his parents until the last decade of their life when he built a new home with an apartment for them on it and moved them to NJ. Dad was not a goody two shoes and got in his share of trouble which for his privacy I won't get into.
Sometime around 1950 he met my mother who was a real goody two shoes. She still says he had been drinking when she first met him and she told him she would not approve of that. She took him to her church, made him quit smoking and drinking and married him shortly after, in an elopement. Two years later my oldest brother Jimmy was born. He was named after Dad and the pride of my father's eye. A few years later I was born and Dad was thrilled to have a girl. Mom wanted to name me Candy and there were actual items with that name embroidered on it but Dad at the last minute wanted to name me after my Mom's childless aunt so I was Nelle Claire. A few years later my brother Bobby joined us then my only sister, Dottie then six years later the baby David was born. Dad, an only child, ended up father to five! He always said he didn't want us to be lonely like he was. When the first four of us were born, was a chief petty officer in the Navy. He was stationed all over and much of that time we stayed with my grandparents. Eventually we built a house around the corner from them where we lived until Dad retired. When he retired he had to work two jobs to make it with the four of us. He had been a deep sea diver in the Navy and was somewhat of an expert about "the bends". He was offered a job in New York with Union Carbide. Later Mt. Sinai Hospital hired him away from them. This was the job he stayed in until his retirement years later. We went from struggling to living "high on the hog". Thing is, Dad made a bad investment and in 1971 almost lost everything. From that time on, he became a lot more conservative with his investments and didn't invest with cows again until his retirement when he purchased a 14 acre property and built a house on it. He was finally a farmer, what I think he had always wanted. His Dad died first but not before years earlier Dad saved his life by discovering a visible aortic aneurysm and rushing him into Sinai where a vascular surgeon performed the surgery. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and at some point had to be put into a nursing home. She nearly blew up the house one day, turning the gas stove on and gas was escaping.

After Dad's retirement he took it easy around the farm and began to visit jails. He took Bibles and tried to convince the men to turn their lives around. Many of them had children and he even lent some of them money. While I questioned his judgement, after his stroke three huge men were at the rehab and they told me that they had met him when they were in jail and he had a very positive impact on their lives. They stood there praying over him and crying and thanking him.

For Facebook, I decided to post some of the things my Dad did that I was grateful for. Today was the first posting:
I am grateful that my father was generous. He often treated those less fortunate than us and did so in a way that was not embarrassing for them.
These will be some other statuses that will be posted:
When other Dads drove around in boring station wagons, my Dad bought a 1968 cherry red Fire bird and everyone envied us in it!
Dad gave me "pearls of wisdom"
"hate is not the opposite of love...apathy is." (This was invaluable during my divorce)
Another pearl:
Love is not a feeling. It starts that way, but at some point it becomes a decision.

Dad loved to tell the story of my birth "They wheeled you out nekkid as a jaybird and I saw you for the first time."
(Dad had 5 kids but I was the only one whose birth he was there for.

When I was just two and got sun poisoning I started a high fever and became delirious. When Dad got home from work he was so scared he jumped into a bathtub full of cold water holding me. He was wearing his dress uniform.

Lastly, (and through tears)
After Dad's first stroke they took him to the hospital ER. I knew it was very serious after they had read the CT scan the doctor said that he would have to learn everything over. I looked down at him with tears in my eyes and he looked up and smiled and said "Oh babe. come on. It's not that bad." Oh Dad if you only knew what was ahead......

Happy Father's Day Dad. Thank you for all the good memories.

This and That

Last night was a real rough on here for me. I had gone with my mother a few weeks ago to the Dollar Store (her favorite place I think.) I needed a jar of roasted red peppers and they had one. I checked the expiration date and figured it was fine. The first time I had some in a salad I noticed I had stomach cramps and wondered if it was the peppers and then thought "nah". Yesterday I had some more and from 11 p.m. until 4 a.m. I was in the bathroom frequently. I am so tired and feel dehydrated today. Lesson learned: no more food from the dollar store. My mother buys lots of stuff there and has never had a problem but she doesn't have my immune system.

Rob worked this weekend. He worked all day last Saturday too. He never complains and just wants me to worry less about money. I worry about him not getting enough rest and working too hard. There was a huge sale at his warehouse and he got the "easy" job of directing traffic. He came home badly sunburned. I kept applying aloe to it and he took aspirin but he was hurting. I tried to be so quiet last night and let him rest. He is only working half a day today and taking the afternoon off as he is getting his yearly physical. I will be glad to grab a few extra hours with him. He is going to be working this Saturday also. I am disappointed that my sister who caused the chaos last week is coming also this weekend for Father's Day. It means she will be there at least until dinner time. I will go over whatever time she leaves. I told my mother I am in a drama free zone and anyone who can jeopardize that will be avoided.

Thinking I may go take a brief rest before Rob gets home. I am so tired today. Have a good week.

New Look

I decided I needed a new look for the blog. Thank you Missie for directing me to the site where I found this one. Pink (actually HOT pink) and green (almost a fuchsia) are my favorite colors. I find I always look for things in these colors. My house has the green kitchen but the rest of the house is not. I love my apple green kitchen walls and find them so peaceful.

It has been a hectic weekend. Some family upsets which have now been resolved. I got to be a peacemaker for once.

My sister was here and she is like the white tornado. Wish I had half her energy. My breathing problems are so very frustrating. Rob had made me a zen garden out back. Today I tried to go there (it's located at the base of the woods) but noticed so many weeds growing amongst the rocks. I leaned over to pick them and it's like someone knocks the wind out of me. The doctor tells me that I should keep moving and increase activity in order for them to get better. They are still healing and I realize now that they probably never healed from the Fall. I say this to myself throughout the day

"Patience grasshopper." I am gentle with nature, animals and other human beings. Now it is my time to apply the same gentleness and patience to myself. Easier said than done but I am making progress. After all, I think we are all works in progress, even up until the very last day. I never want to stop seeking and learning and most of all improving myself.