Friday, September 17, 2010

Small Update

I have been neglecting my blog and everything else this week.
On Friday last I was in the emergency room with potassium that was too high. I sat around last weekend like a slug trying to get some energy and struggled to make it through the days at work. Was feeling better yesterday and so relieved it is Friday today. I am actually runnng late getting ready for work but wanted to post an update of sorts.

Last week we noticced my Dad could no longer follow our voices with his eyes. His speech, the few words he said were fewer and inappropriate for our questions and then he lost the ability to hold a spoon and feed himself at all. It is heartbreaking to watch. On Sunday the head nurse of the agency came and verified he had another stroke. He has lost a lot of ground this time. This is his third major stroke in 18 months. I have to marvel that his body survives them. At this point, to survive them is a betrayal of his body. He has lost any quality of life that he once had. They have arranged now for hospice to come. There is a DNR order and they will keep him comfortable but no heroic efforts and I am very comfortable with that. My mind is constantly distracted with thoughts of how much longer he will behere and how my mother will handle it. She lost her mother less than a year ago and I don't believe she had dealt with that at all.

I feel ready for him to leave us. Yet I know when the moment comes it will be very sad. Not for the man he is now but for the young father who was so proud of his children and always made me feel protected. He was never perfect and I would not portray him as such. Still, I have felt a slow but continuous loss over this entire time. I just pray that his end comes peacefully for all our sakes.

1 comment:


I hope your potassium levels have stabalized. Take care of yourself. Missed you blogging. Meanwhile, all you can do is make sure your dad is as comfortable, as he can be and wait for the inevitable. It won't be easy when it comes, I know. You'll be in my thoughts.