TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The beauty of working is being able to truly enjoy your time off. Partly because you have money and can do things that you wouldn't be able to without that paycheck. I love weekends.

This weekend is going to be fun. My mother's birthday is Sunday. Secret: I don't know how old she will be actually be, perhaps 75? 76? I just realized I do not know what year she was born.

I think she was 20 when my brother was born and he is 55 (my OLDER brother of course!) so that would mean she would be turning 76. My sister is coming to stay with me, from Albany.

Haven't seen her since Christmas and her birthday is Jan. 31st so we can celebrate that too.

My grandmother and aunt are coming from Maryland to celebrate, with a birthday luncheon at my mother's house tomorrow. I haven't done much prep as I have been slightly incapacitated.

Last week, early in the week, I stubbed my toe (and actually the top of my foot.) I was in pain for several days but managed to hobble to work each day. Fortunately, most of my day involves sitting at a desk. By week's end the pain had not stopped and I awoke about 3 a.m. early Sunday to find I was now in agony. Went to the E.R. on Sunday where they determined that my blood thinner was too high. They x rayed and even sonogramed my legs to be certain there was no blood clot. Final opinion was that I had a bleed into my foot. I left the hospital on crutches. I am still in pain, although not as severe. My doctor has decreased my blood thinner and taken away another drug that caused me to retain fluids, in case that was the cause. Once the blood is in there it takes weeks to totally be reabsorbed. In the meantime, there are no shoes that are truly comfortable. There are only two pairs I can manage to squeeze into.

Irregardless of the foot issue, woohoooooooo it is Friday and I will get to see loved ones that I don't see often. I have cause to celebrate. While I am still paying off bills that were piling up while I had no income last year, the end is in sight. Once again I can breath and relax.

Have a great weekend!

Randomly thiking about things............

The morning passes so quickly but then the work day seems to go on and on............

Why are people so irresponsible? They order things that they cannot use and then are angry at employees who work for a company when they are not reimbursed for all shipping costs??? Do
they ever stop to think what it costs the companies they do this to? What happened to the world of my youth when we were taught to think before we acted and when we did something that didn't work to take responsibility for it.

Just saw the new movie ONCE now available on DVD. I had read a great review and then when a fellow journaler talked about it in her blog I had to run out and get it. I will watch it many more times I am sure. You simply MUST see it!

My 95 year old grandmother is coming for another visit next Friday. Although she is slowing down she is planning a birthday party for her daughter who turns 76. Amazing! I feel so very blessed to be in my fifties and still have one of my grandparents alive.

Haven't had a major snow storm this year. Even though we live in the Northeast no snow has "stuck" yet. Had a flurry yesterday that quickly melted. I guess this is proof of the global warming.

Pets are a lot of work. Although I wouldn't take anything for mine, I would love the luxury one day of sleeping past 7 a.m. without waking to a crying or whining. Why don't grandparents take pets for sleepovers?

Time to get ready for work. Although I am putting in such long hours right now and am exhausted much of the time there is not one day that I am not grateful to be getting a steady paycheck. It is a wonderful feeling to have the bills paid and some leftover. Credit card debt is going down each month and the end is in sight. The best feeling in the world is knowing that you did that for yourself.

I am eager to find/read the book Love, Eat and Pray (I think that is the title.)

Have a great weekend!

Weekends pass much too quickly

Hard to believe but another weekend is coming to an end. I didn't do much except for relax this weekend. Mondays I work at least two hours overtime. We are expecting a snowstorm early morning that I will be commuting in, fortunately work is only about ten miles each way. Our town does a good job of keeping our roads plowed so hopefully it will go well. We moved at work and our new location is near an entire wall of huge picture windows. I love it. Natural light much of the day. I continue to learn new things about my job making it easier. If I get really good at what I do the bonuses from the company are very generous. It is wonderful to be able to do things now that I could not afford to do for the past several years. I am pretty conservative when it comes to money and am paying off bills and whatever is left is going toward principle of a loan. Feeling good now that I have overcome many difficulties and am where I need to be. It is a long day for me. I wish it were a bit shorter but I am so grateful to have a good job amongst other blessings. I know another weekend will be here before I know it.

Another Christmas Past

Christmas 2007 was very different for us than Christmases of recent years. We moved into our current home nearly six years ago. We have never had family here for a holiday. This year while working full time I decided it was time.

My mother is getting older and having holidays overwhelms her anymore. Thanksgiving my sister came down and did most of the work. I wasn't sure she would be able to do that at Christmas so although I believed I would be working until 8 on Christmas Eve I planned to have a 25 lb. turkey with all the trimmings. Our company gave us a wonderful gift when they told us Friday that we would also have Christmas Eve off. This meant I would be able to join the festivities at my brother Bob's house and have most of the day to prepare. Prepare we did. I had a wonderful spread with turkey, stuffing, potatoes, a whipped sweet potato recipe that is outstanding, salad, green bean casserole, rolls and for dessert a buffet of cheesecake, cookies, pies and my "Rachel Ray" fudge wreath. Yummoo.

It is a bit cramped here compared to the roominess of my old house but we managed and everyone had a good time. I gave my sweetie a digital video camera and he has recorded some of it. Technology is amazing. The gift that was the biggest hit by far was the one Rob gave my son. It was a remote controlled helicopter that can be flown IN the house. Most of what he got was clothing because he is grown up but men are just big boys with toys.

Throughout the day I thought of last Christmas. No one had a clue that this year Jennifer would not be a part of our Christmas. Each year we received a box from Rob's Mom and in it were the gifts from Jennifer and her brother Brian. I remember them year by year. Rob was able to drive up there a few short weeks ago and deliver our gifts to them. She loves the American Girl doll we gave her and for Christmas we gave her the most beautiful red faux velvet coat and hat. Also ice skates and a few small other things. I wish we could have been there to see her open the gifts but we had to be at work the next morning. Maybe next year. I was so happy to have a lovely Christmas. I hope you did too and I wish you a wonderful new year.

Three Days and Counting...................

What Christmas Means to Me.................

Christmas isn't just a paid holiday off from work. Christmas has a deep spiritual meaning. I do believe that Jesus was a man who lived among us long ago. I believe that he lived an exemplary life and that if we could all just follow his teachings of kindness, brotherhood and forgiveness the world would be a much better place. Today I had to work and thinking that it was a few days before Christmas I was hoping that others might have the Christmas spirit. For the most part I was wrong but there were a few which after thanking me for my assistance wished me a Merry Christmas. I was appreciative of that. This Christmas there are some things which hamper the spirit. Firstly the loss of Jen weighs upon us. As more time passes we are keenly aware of the loss and the huge void left in her 9 year old daughter's life. My son lost his job (as did his entire department) with a wealthy company and was canned a week ago tonight. No severance just a brief goodbye. He had really enjoyed that job and been there over two years. He had taken ONE sick day during that time. I guess the company chose not to give these people the paid holiday.

Ebeneezer the company owner is a multimillionaire. Tidings of comfort and joy.

While there are things that bad there is so much good. I have a good job. They gave us Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. We had four spreads of food over the past few weeks.

In addition we were given vouchers for food in their "world class" cafeteria. The food there is marvelous. I feel blessed to work with some of the hardest working people I have worked alongside of. Today I was hugged by many coworkers. Genuine shows of affection happen often where I am. Help is always there and given generously and competently. While my days are long, I find myself driving home each night feeling that I am blessed.

I am planning to have a 25 lb. turkey here for Christmas Day. The crowd will be relatively small. Not sure we can all fit around the table. This house has an eat in kitchen and no dining room. Gone are the days with my sprawling dining room and unlimited space. I still have the china and the silverware. The space is small in comparison. The difference is that my tiny home is overflowing with love and hospitality. A small house can hold as much love as a mansion. In my case it holds much more. What particularly thrilled me this year was that I was able to make a bag of gifts for a friend who lost her only child last year at this time. I was also able to send some money to Feed The Children and send a box to a Navy soldier. That to me is what Christmas is all about. Helping those in need, whether the need be financial or spiritual. There's not much that I want or need. I do need to know that I care about my fellow man. I need to know that is a part of my personality that will never change. I consider it my best asset.

Thank you for the world so sweet. Thank you for the food we eat. Thank you for the birds that sing. Thank you, God, for everything. Mostly, Lord I thank you for the precious gift of life.

A Coworker Made Me Sick.......LIterally

Where I work we have days that are shared in a pool. Meaning that sick days are the same as vacation days. While I can understand the value of this there is a serious downside as well. One of my coworkers is planning a vacation this winter. She was soooo sick but refused to call out and take a sick day. She left early one day to pick her sick daugher up and was saying her husband had to take a day off so that she wouldn't use one of her pool days for sickness and she could save them for vacation days. How unfair to others and I told her so. On Sunday evening I began to be chilled to the bone and feel very ill. Woke up Monday even worse and a trip to the doctor confirmed I had strep. I'm sure that is what the coworker's daughter and she had. I wonder how many more employees will have it. I had to call out yesterday and use my ONE accumulated paid sick day. I am still not well today and had to take a second, UNPAID day.

Since they are consecutive days it will only count as one call out illness thankfully.

What do you want for Christmas?

I know what I want and I want it bad. I want people to start acting responsibly. To stop ordering things they have no use for, to stop making phone calls ordering services that are incompatible with what they have in their homes. Furthermore, these people want to scream and yell at people instead of taking responsibility for their decision. Most companies now have people who try to keep customers......and keep them happy. Don't try to verbally berate people when they are stuck trying to help you get out of a mess which you have created. Be mature enough to admit that you made a mistake and kindly ask for assistance to get out of it. I remember when children knew better than to try to blame everything they did on someone else. Nowdays many parents are afraid to correct their children even when the child desperately needs it. I am not talking about people treating children like chattle. I am talking about constructive discipline. I cringe when I see how many children have NO boundaries. Children need love and security but they also need to know that adults are in charge. It gives them security. Too often the children are running the show these days. If parents cannot control them at 9 what will happen when they are teens? I remember the movement not to hit children. I liked the philosophies associated with that. There is a rare time a child needs a swat on the bottom and I could never condone more than that. I do believe children need to be told gently but firmly that the parents are in charge. Sometimes it scares me to think what these children will be like when they are the adults running our society. Maybe I'm crany today but these are my thoughts.

Wow a degree from a university

On Friday I finally got my degree from a university.....of sorts. I am now a graduate of a private university. I don't want to post too much about my job here for reasons that it can come back and kick you in the butt....hard. Many of my fellow grads went out for snacks and drinks but I declined. I have learned that often coworkers are not the best people you want for your friends. When there's a group of people and you barely know some of them the robot arms start waving "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!" Not going there.

My new job is tough at times. I am taking calls where people want to cancel their service and I am talking them out of doing that. Well, often the calls go like this...

ME: Thank you for calling ______ My name is Nutjob how can I help you today?

Them: I hate you and your F*N company.

ME: May I have your account number with us?

Them: I don't have an account.

ME: If you were billed by us then you have an account with us. Can you look on your bill

and give that to me?

Them: Look A******* I don't have email and I can't read anything you sent me.

ME: If you signed up for an account with us then you needed to give an email address, may I please have your first and last name then?

Them: Yes it's mumble mumble mumble mumble.

ME: I'm very sorry. I didn't catch that, could you please repeat that?

Them: Listen jerk off: just cancel my account.

ME: I will be happy to help you once I can identify which account we are talking about.

Them: Oh wait a minute is *************** an account number?

ME: yes, thank you. Now can you verify some information for me?

Them: I hate you. You should die, a slow painful death.

And the conversation goes downhill from there!

There are some good and courteous customers but honestly they are more the exceptions.

I am polite and do the job that I am being paid to do. It's not easy but I am grateful to be receiving a paycheck. I have a wait for my benefits still. I am doing shiftwork and I will be working Christmas Eve until the phones close at 8. If we have calls that went into hold before that we cannot leave until they are all taken. What kind of people you have to wonder would be calling on Christmas Eve in the evening? Remember Ebenezer Scrooge?

SO....if you know anyone who might want to call and bust someone's holiday mojo on Christmas Eve, try to talk them out of it. Offer them some holiday cheer (liquid cheer that is.)

I have a lot of shopping to do. Last night we received a dusting of snow but it is snowing again. I have to get to the MAC, get the dog's nails trimmed, and pick up a humidifier. Since we ate out for Thanksgiving and had no leftovers I am making a turkey breast today. Don't know when I will find time for the decorating but the Christmas mugs are in the cabinet and a wreath is on the door. It's a start. Wishing you a joyous holiday season and a cup of good cheer.

Happy Thanksgiving

(Left: Rob and our niece, Cassie)

This week I will finally be doing my actual job in the new arena. I have been in training for weeks and I am looking forward to kicking it up a notch. Customer service jobs are not always easy. Sometimes people feel that they can say things to an anonymous voice on the phone that they would not dare say if they had to watch the person's face they were speaking to. I have been the irate customer on the other end of the phone. More times than I would like to admit.

I made over a dozen calls to Verizon when their FIOS installer cut through wires and left a gaping hole in my house. I finally gave up and never did get any satisfaction. What really irked me was when they gave the complaint to the INSTALLER to deal with. He basically called to tell me I shouldn't have complained. It cost me $85 to have the electric company tell me that since the problem was INSIDE my house they couldn't fix it either but they demanded my money and threatened to turn off my account when I delayed in sending it in. I cannot wait until my obligation of time with Verizon plays out. Then I will happily cancel my FIOS phone service which sounds like an echo is in the phone. Sorry Verizon but you no longer dominate the world.

I will go with an IOP carrier and save lots of money. So for the money you cost me you lost what might have been a life long customer. That's really poor business and horrid customer service.

Certainly not the kind I give to customers.

This will be our first Thanksgiving without my sister-in-law. We are a bit concerned as this will be the first holiday her nine year old daughter will spend without her. They are coming here for dinner and a visit. I have tried to get some fun things here for her to have. We are all going to my parents where my 95 yr. old grandmother will be and my sister and her significant other from upstate New York. I have to work Friday ( no seniority yet ). Fortuantely Rob will be home to take them out for the day and keep them busy. We are always trying to think of ways to put a smile on the face of our Cassie kid. She is so bright and recently wrote a story about a pencil which died. It was about her Mom and the pencil told her that although she was dead, she was happy. We constantly worry that she will be okay but she seems alright. Nothing takes the place of being able to hug and kiss her when we are far apart. We send mail frequently to constantly assure her we are always just a phone call away.

I am on my way over to have lunch with my grandmother. She is insisting on chow mein for lunch. I like to have more exotic Chinese food but she sticks with what she has known for so long. She looks wonderful and it's a joy when she is nearby and I can pop in for a visit. I am thankful for many things this year. While I am keenly aware of the absence of Jen a part of me is relieved that her suffering is over. I am grateful to have been a part of her life and to have a part of her still in her daughter. I am grateful that in a world of poverty all my basic needs and then some are met. I am grateful that both myself and my son beat cancer and enjoy good health today. I am grateful that I have friends that have stood by me through so much. I am grateful for my little house that is small but holds as much love as a mansion. I am grateful that I have someone who loves me and that I love him in return. I am grateful for my real estate friends who still call me and keep in touch with me and let me know they miss seeing me on a daily basis. I am grateful for the new friends I have already made in the new job. Many of them are younger than I am and they all tell me how cool I am. That makes my day :)

What are your greatful for?

Changes.............

I am finding it more and more difficult to have time to enjoy activities I once did.
When I first began going online there were a few chat rooms which I thoroughly enjoyed. Over the years I met up with many of the regulars several times. Several stopped going to our regular spot and about three years ago my visits dwindled away as well. I do email some of the friends I met there and hope to stay in touch with them in the future.

When I first began to blog it was on AOL. There was a strong blogging community which I felt a part of. My days when I was out of work for awhile began with coffee and some blogs that were food for my weary soul. Sadly, when AOL made some poor decisions, a mass exodus took place.
I was so angry and we all came here to start over. Sadly, it, at least for me, has not been the same. Something was lost when you didn't have the email in the person's name I think. I have rare contact with some of the people that I became so fond of. It's sad. By the same token, I am finding that the more I do in my real life, the less time there is to come on and make posts.
I am making friends at my new job. Friends who are making plans outside of work. Many of them are younger than me and have blogs over on My Space. I have no plans to start another blog anywhere else. I do want to keep in touch with the friends who I have met with the blogging community. There are many things that I learned here that I will take with me when I go. Mostly, I learned that there are a lot of really cool and genuine people on the internet. People who through keystrokes on their keyboards touched my life. I will always be grateful to have known them and at a time I was fragile for the gentle words that helped me regain my strength.

I don't like Mondays............

Why do the weekends go so fast? I had so very much to do that the weekend flew by although I was able to work in my father's birthday party, picking up my car, getting my hair cut and colored, buying a black suit for my new job and a Sunday breakfast with my sister. On Sunday night although I was cream crackered I witnessed most of the game as the RED SOX once again became the victors of the World Series. I am happy about this because my darling and his family are huge fans. Congratulations RED SOX fans and you know who you are. :)

Back to work today. I am in training in some highly technical classes. I have to know how a call works and is received and every minute detail of how the internet works as well. I have to tell you that this company is awesome in it's expectation that if you work for a communications company then you need to know just how it works. My brain feels on overload at times but I am doing okay with an A average thus far. Hope I can keep it up.

Oh happy day

I started my new job on Monday. Can we say "Sweet?" I have to tell you that this company is amazing. I have been told that our company owner sold a previous website for 300 million. I do not know this for fact.......I was just told. This guy pays us well. On top of that I am having some perks that I am loving. Firstly, there are gourmet coffee machines everywhere and you have access to it all day. As though that were not enough there are bowls filled with fresh and wonderful fruit and they are FREE. That's right: FREE!!!! We are also given a monthly credit for the cafeteria and I have to tell you their food is out of this world and reasonably priced.

Had our first exam yesterday for the training. I got a 99. So close to perfection but hey I'll take it! I am really liking this company and it's treatment of employees. Respect for fellow employees is highly emphasized, as well as tolerance. It's easy to get along with others when you feel so appreciated, all of you. Of course there are always the moaners who will look for the fly in the ointment. Sorry but I don't see anything wrong. I wish the benefits kicked in now but I have to wait for 90 days. They are well worth waiting for. I am grateful to have this opportunity.

NEW THINGS ABOUND

On Monday I start a new job. While I have enjoyed the time spent focusing solely on real estate, the market it not doing enough for me right now and I need some guaranteed income. I will once again be working in customer service which is my forte. I will have paid vacation and health benefits and all the wonderful incentives that work provides. I will also be going to work in a new vehicle which we purchased Friday evening. I have tried uploading a picture of the car but right now Blog Spot will not cooperate so perhaps later.

We made an excellent deal getting a leftover. I will have an extended warranty, 7 years of 100,000 miles so I can rest a bit easier. One minor snafu was that my manager backed into it leaving a dent yesterday but that will be fixed quickly and I will be provided with a rental car while the work is done.

I am so very excited about receiving a STEADY paycheck. The amount will be nice and in the neighborhood I have not received in the past almost five years. Finally, I can put some away and replenish emergency funds that were used.

Fall weather has arrived and I am loving it so very much. The chill in the air is invigorating.
Today I am off this afternoon to my new employer's huge building to fill out paperwork. They insist that you have direct deposit, not a bad idea. The building is really cool and the atmosphere is so wonderful there. People do not seem stressed out. I am eager to begin this new chapter of my life. Dress is business casual and that alone thrills me. Look out here I come!

Tears, Memories and Wishes

I just read a blog entry by our cousin Luke. It was beautiful and touching. Two weeks before Jennifer died, his sister Lynn got married. We wanted to attend that wedding but we also wanted to be there for our niece's communion and to be there for baby sis at the end. We just couldn't make another trip. Those trips are about 500 miles round trip. My car is eight years old and the trip is expensive, not only the gas but tolls too. Luke called his entry "a beginning and an ending." After he drove all the way from Michigan to attend his sister's wedding (he did visit Jen in the hospital as well) he drove back two weeks later for Jen's funeral. While the circumstances were not the best, we did enjoy talking with him. I enjoyed getting to know him. It makes me feel good to know that others are memorializing Jen. Luke has a page in his blog with photos of her. I have days that I still cannot believe this petite young woman so full of life, is gone. I touched her lifeless body and still a part of me refuses to accept the harsh reality that I will never see her again. Thoughts like this quickly make me think of her 9 year old daughter. I wonder so often what she is thinking. I wonder if she will remember all the fun, good times she had with her Mom? Jen so loved Halloween. (Above pic is my mil, Jen and Cassie a few years ago.) She got dressed every year and went trick or treating with Cassie. She made special hair ribbons and decorations for every minor as well as major holiday. She leaves such a huge void and no matter how hard we try, I don't think anyone can fill her shoes. Despite the fact that they were so tiny. Each week I try to send Cassie a piece of mail or two. Sometimes they are just little cards but they are reminders that she is loved.

I found a beautiful piece of quilted fabric and will have my friend make it into a blanket for her doll. She and her grandmother are coming for Thanksgiving. I can hardly wait. Holding her is the best RX for our pain. She has just started violin lessons. She will have a captive audience when she performs for us. I hear she has asked her Daddy to buy the miniature violin which is sold for her doll. To know this little girl is to love her....and we do.

The Last Week

The last week found me not feeling well. I ended up not going to work functions due to that. I also know that I will be starting a new job and I am not highly motivated with the old routine.
I went to the periodontist and on Friday I saw an internist and along with an antibiotic script I received my required flu shot. My arm is hot and sore but I slept about three hours later than usual and am feeling rested today.

Last night we had a frustrating experience with our Pogo game playing. Pogo has a high stakes poker room which I never go into but my spouse enjoys. Some new player who was around for three days waiting until the pot token got really high and then refused to play. He was waiting for everyone to leave the room so as the last remaining player he could win the pot by default.
This really upset the usually genteel man of the house and I agreed with him. I cannot stand people who cheat, and it infuriates me that a company does nothing about it. We and at least a dozen other people reported his screen name and nothing seems to have been done. One woman came in after seeing his screen name and told us he had done the same thing the day before to her father. I know that this is a game and the tokens don't really mean anything. That is not the point. I feel that people need to know not to take, by trickery or outright thievery, what is not theirs. I believe in forgiving people, providing they are sincerely sorry. Clearly, this is not the case. My husband taking the high road has chosen to let it go. It will take me longer and I will always be telling others to watch out for this dishonest person.

I read an interesting book this week, Middlesex. It was recommended on Oprah's book club.
Have to say that although it was interesting I felt the constant jumping around from the deep past and the future interrupted the flow of the story. I was disappointed in it. I still have another book I purchased that she had chosen and after a few attempts, I still cannot get through it. The books I have most enjoyed recently are those by Jodi Picoult.

Have a good week.

A Breezy Saturday

I have longed for a Saturday like the one I had today. Nice and sunny with a cool breeze. I had a bit of a stressful yet good week. On Monday I went for my final interview which ended up being two interviews but I was offered a good job. I have not received a paycheck like the ones I can anticipate in about five years. It will certainly make things easier and better for us. The past few weeks Rob has taken every minute of overtime offered to him. He is trying to fill the gap left by such a slow market. The market is not dead but it is slow and most of the agents who are conducting business are having customers from the past. The buyers who are looking seem to think there is something better still waiting out there. That is not a good situation to be in if you need a steady income as I do.

The new job will be five weeks of training which I will work normal hours. After that I will be working an unusual shift that will find me arriving home about eight thirty in the evening. The thing is I will be eligible for bonuses for accepting that position so I think it is worthwhile.
Every time I think of getting a nice paycheck I begin to do the happy dance.

Fall is Here

Fall is here and I am loving it. One small tree in my yard is losing it's leaves. The grass is greener now that the scorching sun isn't baking it daily.

There is a crispness in the air and I want to get to a local orchard today for the freshly picked apples. I have already purchased my Halloween treats. Individual bags of popcorn with a few Halloween decorations on them. I gave these a few years ago and the kids loved them. I live in a development and get about 115 children each year. They love to come here as sometimes I dress up but the dog is always in a costume. Last year he was Elvis. I have a huge box of Halloween decorations in the attack that will be coming down something this week. The best part is knowing that when Halloween is over, Thanksgiving will follow it.......and later Christmas. So much to anticipate!

I am on the way to the mall to pick up shoes I am having repaired. On Friday I was out and about when a strap broke. I couldn't walk in them at all and had no spare pair in my car as I sometimes do. I dropped them off with the shoe repair man who is wonderful. I am picking them up and I believe I may put a spare pair in my trunk. It was not fun walking out of the mall on all the cement and hot asphalt in barefeet. Have a wonderful Sunday.

The Wheels on the car go round and round

Today I went to a job agency. I did several tests to see what I qualified for. As much as I like the thought of being a real estate agent, it has been difficult because the market has slowed and being a new agent I do not have the clientele to fall back on. I have worked very hard but I need some guaranteed income. It has frustrated me that family members from other states have done business with strangers. I could have done a referral for them and received a piece of the commission. My theory is it's better to have someone who knows what they are doing find an agent for you rather than blind luck leading you to a stranger. Sadly, I guess others don't see it that way. I have had nine months of money going on with none coming in and I just have to have some guaranteed income. I have many things that I want to do that cannot be considered without it. Money IS a necessary evil. The good news is that I scored very well on the grammar portion. Good grammar is second nature to me. I'm not sure why that is and perhaps when I am tired that doesn't come across to others but I do know proper grammar.

I am glad the weekend is here. I am not doing an open house. I will be putting a few hours in the office tomorrow.

On a sad note someone I met only once but who was a generous and caring person passed away this week. Candy Lynd was a friend and coworker of my Aunt Judy's. When my son had leukemia she contacted her daughter who was a personal assistant to my favorite boxer, Sugar Ray Leonard. My son was a huge boxing fan. Delivered to the hospital were a pair of autographed boxing gloves. These came in the darkest hour and my son lit up like a Christmas tree. As though that were not enough a few weeks later a pair of tickets arrived which were close to the ring. My son left the hospital and boarded a train into Madison Square Garden with his Dad to see that fight. It was something he still talks about. All this because of the caring of a teenage boy she had never met. Last week when I knew Candy was so ill I sent her a card once again thanking her for her part in making my son so happy. I pray that her family will find comfort and that she will rest in peace. What really matters when you die is what you leave behind in the thoughts and hearts of other people. She will never be forgotten.

A Visit to New England

Over the weekend we traveled to New England, Rhode Island specifically for our niece's 9th birthday. This was the first birthday without her Mom. I knew we had to be there and do something that would be so special it would occupy her thoughts instead of the huge void left by her Mom's absence. She had mentioned that her stepsister had an American Girl doll and so did one of her cousins and she thought they were wonderful. I made a vow to myself that she would have one. Not only did she get the doll but she got the beautiful metal bed, night table, an antique typewriter, phone and gooseneck lamp, carpet, pillows and several outfits. Some were obtained used but in mint condition. She was really surprised. We had her open the furniture first and the doll last. She carried the doll all over with her, took her to church and put the doll bed touching her own. For the first time since June, she slept alone in her room with her new pal, Kit. It was very touching as she leaned over to me and said "I've always wanted an American Girl doll." To see a smile on a child's face, a child who has been through so much this past year, really made my heart smile. My mother-in-law found it very difficult to have the party without her daughter there. It was hard for us to be there and seeing Jen's room with so much gone. There were more things there than I would have imagined. When I see certain things that I have given her such as the angel that holds a banner saying "My sister is laughter on the cloudiest day" it hits you hard. Like a sucker punch to the gut. We went to the cemetery and it seems surreal to us. There were notes from her long time friend, Fred. Fred arrived early that morning to blow up balloons with a helium tank he had purchased. That guy is okay. So now as I climb into my own bed, I get a visual of our little princess in her bed and Kit's bed touching hers. I get great comfort from that. Now the search will begin for a Christmas dress for Kit. I think I will be viewing the American Girl website quite a bit between now and then. Well, time for bed. I am beat and have a full work day tomorrow that will begin at 9 a.m. and end after six p.m.

I am thinking of our Jen and hoping that she can know that her baby girl had a nice birthday. While we tell her daughter that she will never be forgotten and we keep her memories alive with words and pictures, we are trying to also let her know that life goes on. Tragedy strikes, our hearts get broken but we pick up the pieces and we go on. Most people don't learn that lesson at such a young age but our girl knows that she is loved by many people. Somehow I think that will get her through. Goodnight angel.

Autumn is Around the Corner

I have always loved Autumn. I think it goes back to the magic of having my grandparents rake the leaves in their yard. They would rake them against the white picket fence with the rose trellis. My brother Jimmy and I would dive into the piles and roll around. It was sheer heaven. I even remember the smell of them. In my childhood movies that scene was captured one year. I was wearing a faux red leather jacket and wearing my red cowgirl boots. One of my favorite outfits of all time. My brother had a black jacket and black boots. When we got down rolling around in the mountain of leaves my Grandaddy would rake them back together and scoop them up for burning in a metal barrel. Oh the smell of the burning leaves. Now that is illegal. We would go into the house and have some of my grandmother's homemade (NEVER store bought) cookies and cocoa that was made in a pan on the stove. No instant anything for her. Life was grand. I would think about the wonderful holidays that would soon be here. Halloween, Thanksgiving and soon after that Christmas. At night I would open my window to catch a breath of the crisp Fall air. Oh how I love it still.

Sometimes I wish I could be that person for just a few minutes. The person whose entire life was yet to happen. All the promise of a future not yet determined. At this point my father was still stationed in the Navy and we lived most of those years at my grandmother's. It was heaven. We were so cramped in her two bedroom home. My mother was sharing a bedroom with her younger sister who still lived home for part of that time. My brother and I shared a sofa that became a bed. Sometime during the year I was four my mother became pregnant and my father began to build our own house around the corner. I started kindergarten from that house. The following year I got my baby sister. Five short years later my father got a job in New York and we moved to New Jersey. While I saw my grandparents many times after that, and spent some weeks with them during the summer, I always missed being able to walk to their house. Now my grandmother is a four hour drive and my life is so hectic that I haven't been there for years. Today I am feeling badly about that. I simply must go this Fall and maybe I can rake her leaves and have one last dive. See, you really can go home again.....at least for awhile longer.

Happy Anniversary to Rob

Today is my 5th wedding anniversary. It makes me laugh when I remember what I said on our first date "I will never get married again." Strong emphasis on the word never. If I am truly honest, the marriages I have had are complete opposites. In the first one I had little say in anything that really mattered. I was told not asked. Towards the end of it things were good financially but only in that area. I was utterly miserable and so was he. My biggest regret in life was that I didn't end it much sooner. I do have my son and I could never regret that but I think he might have had a better life as well.

I remember our wedding so clearly. My childhood best friend was my maid of honor. I teared up before going in and she asked if I was sure. I said yes, these are tears of happiness because I am finally marrying someone who can make me happy. Happiness comes from within. In that respect, I don't expect someone else to make me happy. MY CHOICE of who I am spending my life with is what brings me happiness. I chose the right person. Someone who has and always will be there for me. In our short time together Rob and I have had a lot of sorrow and tears. That has only drawn us closer. I would have never made it through my heart surgery and recovery without his support. I have dreams of things I want to do for Rob. Those cannot be fulfilled right now because I have started a new career and money is tight. Tonight we will go to the wonderful restaurant where we had our reception. The food is excellent. We will celebrate that with all that we have been through, we still have each other. We are keenly aware of just how fragile life is.

Rob, you are the best man I have ever known (though I must admit my grandfather is right behind you.) There has never been a day, a minute, where I have questioned myself about us. I am so very grateful for you and I hope and pray we have many more healthy years together. You are truly a blessing and I will never take that for granted. I simply adore you.