Tears, Memories and Wishes

I just read a blog entry by our cousin Luke. It was beautiful and touching. Two weeks before Jennifer died, his sister Lynn got married. We wanted to attend that wedding but we also wanted to be there for our niece's communion and to be there for baby sis at the end. We just couldn't make another trip. Those trips are about 500 miles round trip. My car is eight years old and the trip is expensive, not only the gas but tolls too. Luke called his entry "a beginning and an ending." After he drove all the way from Michigan to attend his sister's wedding (he did visit Jen in the hospital as well) he drove back two weeks later for Jen's funeral. While the circumstances were not the best, we did enjoy talking with him. I enjoyed getting to know him. It makes me feel good to know that others are memorializing Jen. Luke has a page in his blog with photos of her. I have days that I still cannot believe this petite young woman so full of life, is gone. I touched her lifeless body and still a part of me refuses to accept the harsh reality that I will never see her again. Thoughts like this quickly make me think of her 9 year old daughter. I wonder so often what she is thinking. I wonder if she will remember all the fun, good times she had with her Mom? Jen so loved Halloween. (Above pic is my mil, Jen and Cassie a few years ago.) She got dressed every year and went trick or treating with Cassie. She made special hair ribbons and decorations for every minor as well as major holiday. She leaves such a huge void and no matter how hard we try, I don't think anyone can fill her shoes. Despite the fact that they were so tiny. Each week I try to send Cassie a piece of mail or two. Sometimes they are just little cards but they are reminders that she is loved.

I found a beautiful piece of quilted fabric and will have my friend make it into a blanket for her doll. She and her grandmother are coming for Thanksgiving. I can hardly wait. Holding her is the best RX for our pain. She has just started violin lessons. She will have a captive audience when she performs for us. I hear she has asked her Daddy to buy the miniature violin which is sold for her doll. To know this little girl is to love her....and we do.