Fall is Coming!

I am so excited about Fall coming. The crisp morning air tells me it is almost here. MY season. I already have plans to go to Amish country (Lancaster) with my sister-in-law sometime soon. The local apple orchards will be opening with their fresh pressed cider and the new crisp apples will soon be ready for picking. Ironic because my first tomato just ripened. I still have about twenty more on the vine that I will probably pick and let ripen indoors.

 Today I will be meeting a new therapist. I am hoping I will really like her and find her helpful. There is just so much going on in my family of origin and I would like an outsider's take on it all. Rob is very supportive and so are two of my brothers and an aunt and a cousin but other than that it's been difficult. I  have many neighbors who I talk with. Right now with the economy being so bad the three I talk with the most are struggling badly and one will be losing her home soon. I don't want to weigh them down with my issues.

Tomorrow is our tenth anniversary. It seems like just yesterday that we were getting married. I was so full of hope about our future. It was just two years later I was having my first open heart surgery, followed six months later by a breast cancer which took two more surgeries. Since then it seems that I have been struggling with one health issue or another. On the upside, I am still here. I plan to stay as long as I can, providing I can have some quality of life. Right now I can take care of myself. Rob has to help me do so much around the house. I wish I could afford an ocassional cleaning lady but that money would have to come from somewhere else. I can manage to do the laundry as I have both machines on the same floor as my bedroom. I can pick up a few groceries on my own but I need someone if I buy anything heavy. But I digress.....it's about Rob tomorrow. Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am to have Rob? Words are not enough to convey how I feel. When you are faced with your death you take a long, hard look at the people who have been a part of your life. I had so many friends years ago....so very many. After the first heart surgery I realized that most of them wanted to be around for the good times but not the bad. My friend Laura visited me a lot in the hospital. I will never forget her kindness and over the years have tried to return it several times. One other friend came once. When I got pneumonia my one neighbor came. As I got sicker and times got rougher friends vanished. Only one friend was there when my father died. My point is this: friends come and go. While we like to use terms such as "best friends" and we can love someone dearly as a friend, you really can't count on them. People are concerned with their needs and their lives. Rob is the person who has always been there for me. Through thick and thin, with laugher and tears. I realize how truly I am blessed. I wish everyone had a Rob (or female equivalent) in their lives. As humans we need others. My illness has also taught me to be caring to others. Many of you will never walk in my shoes. I would not wish this on anyone. I can only take the lessons I have learned and make them positives if anything good is to come out of my illness. I met an 83 year old woman the other day. She told me that she had been "as healthy as a horse" her entire life until two years ago. She was thin and played tennis everyday, up to two hours at a time. She jogged and was full of energy. All of a sudden she got heart valve disease and now is on oxygen 24/7. She needs the two valves replaced that I had done. She told me that she never thought anything like that could happen to her. She kept saying that at least she was healthy for 80 years and didn't know how at my age I could cope. I told her one reason I have been able to cope has been Rob. (My son has also been there for me, visiting me in the hospital and coming to Philadelphia. He calls everyday to see if I need help of any kind and tries to do anything he can to help.)

As I look back on my life I am happy not sad. I am grateful. I have beaten all the odds for survival. My doctors marvel at how much I have endured yet survived. I have lived more in my fifty plus years than many people do who live a boring lifetime. I have loved and been loved. The people who backed away for whatever reasons missed out. The friends I still have continue to support me and I am grateful for them too. Throughout life most people we meet we will be acquaintances. True friends are rare.

Happy tenth anniversary Rob. I don't think I would still be here if not for you. Your love inspires me, your care keeps me going and your faith in me sustains me. You're much more than I could have dared to hope for. Because of you, I feel truly blessed. I hope the best is yet to be.