Disappointment and Frustration

The fluid didn't show any significant information. If the protein was high it meant one thing and low another but it was right in the middle. If anything, it leaned toward being the fluid which was inflammatory, which would have been caused by the pneumonia. I expressed my deep frustration to the doctor about not having a specific diagnosis or a plan on how to proceed. She did the tests again to measure and evaluate and discovered that my lung volume is less than it was a year ago. (This is what I have been telling her that I cannot take in the air I used to be able to.) Now that the tests showed exactly what I had been saying, I think the reality set in.
Where do we go from here? I am continuing with the lung therapy and hoping that it will help. The doctor is going to be investigating other options, including some sort of surgery to deal with the inflammation of the lung lining. This is something not to be taken lightly and she wants to see if there are less invasive options. The thought of a lung surgery scares me. These are lungs which easily get infected with pneumonia. It's a lot to deal with. I asked her if she thought I would ever be able to wean off the oxygen. She thought at some point I might be able to but admitted that this recovery has been the hardest for me. Last year's bout I was much sicker, in critical condition and seemed to make a better recovery. This time I was only in serious condition in January however it was a very large pneumonia in my right lung, which seems to have a more difficult time.

I am really frustrated. I hated having my suspicions confirmed about the volume loss. I feel as though I am mourning the loss of healthy lungs but telling myself that this is premature. Father's Day is coming and they are showing commercials and that really sinks my spirits also.
It's so hard not to know what's going to happen. There are some many questions that I have and a part of me is afraid to ask. It's clear to me that even the doctor doesn't have solid answers. Medicine is not an exact science. Sad but true.