Thursday, November 17, 2005

Making the best of things

Last night I sat here and cried. I feel like the night before graduation when you worry that your friends will all move away and you will lose touch with them. I am hoping that my many friends from J-Land will visit here, keep me posted with their new blog addys and via emails. I am glad to see some have already stopped by.

Today I am going to treat myself. My friend Laura and I haven't seen that much of each other recently. I have been going to school or working each day. Today I was scheduled to repeat a class but I didn't feel it was necessary and so I blew off school to have Laura come and visit. I need it. I need the kinship of a friend today. We will hit a few of our favorite bargain stores and then we are getting our hair colored with my new stylist. A real girls day. Tomorrow I have to work and then in the evening we are going to a hockey game. I am trying to focus on the good, fun things that are going on.

Last night I was realizing that I'm a person who doesn't like change, even when it's positive. I fall into my patterns of comfort and once I have established them it's hard to change them. I still have friends from childhood. I stayed way too long in a bad marriage because of fearing the changes that would take place, particularly financial changes. I have survived, and frankly, I am stronger for them. I have learned that I can eat cereal for dinner if necessary. I can economize in ways I never thought possible. Gone are the manicured nails but they have been replaced by a feeling of self worth and peace in my heart. What a good trade off.

I got married the day after I was 17. I never had a chance to live alone. To date as an adult (until after my divorce), to grow up as a normal young woman would have. Instead I found myself always trying to live up to expectations that were totally unreal. I could not fit into the mold that ex designed for me. There were countless years of me trying when younger, then revolting against it as I matured and became the person I now am. I was never accepted for who and what I am by him. I went against my family in getting the divorce and had no support from them in any way. Even they admit now that it was the best thing I ever did because I am finally at peace, and experiencing contentment. I've survived a lot and keeping it all in perspective, I will survive this too. Besides that, the weekend is coming. :) Peace be with you.

3 comments:

amy said...

I kinda like it over here...I feel like "The Jeffersons"---"Movin on up!" LOL XXOO~Amy

megzie212 said...

Well, Im not a change person either, but sometimes change can be a good thing.

Never knew you were married SO young!!

talk soon

ckays1967 said...

this will be better Nellie....

it will....