Thursday, November 17, 2005

Fritz Perls revisited (a 70s flashback)

I just read something interesting and wanted to share it. Remember Fritz Perls?
During the 70s he had a quotation that was made into posters (somewhere I still have one)

I do my thing, and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I;
If by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
Fritz Perls

Apparently someone felt that he missed the relationship boat and wrote this which he felt much better described how relationships should be.

Beyond Perls

If I just do my thing and you do yours,
We stand in danger of losing each other and ourselves.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations;
But I am in this world to confirm you
As a unique human being.
And to be confirmed by you.
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other;
The I detached from a Thou
I do not find you by chance;
I find you by an active life
Of reaching out.
Rather than passively letting things happen to me,
I can act intentionally to make them happen.
I must begin with myself, true;
But I must not end with myself;
The truth begins with two
Walter Tubbs

I found this very interesting. It's a fine line between not giving enough and giving too much of oneself in a relationship. A line that often needs refining as time goes on. When I was forced to give I was angry and resentful. Now that no expectations are made, I find that I give out of want and I give freely and unconditionally. Instead of looking to the other person to fulfill my needs, I am more concerned with meeting his. No pressure, no obligation just wanting to please someone who does so much to make me happy and secure.

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