Saturday, June 30, 2012

As One Door Closes

Tonight I met with my former coworker and friend of about four years, Maria. It was so good to see her. When I was "let go" because I was too sick to return to work after six months I had texted her and asked her to please gather my personal property and hold onto it until I could get it. Last night when she arrived, she had a large shopping bag in hand....in it were the things that occupied my small work cubicle. While I was glad to get some of them back it was like being hit with a two by four. Her it was, the proof that I no longer worked for a company that I had been so big a part of for four years and the proof that I would not be working again. I don't really get why this has been so difficult to understand. My doctors cannot believe I worked as long as I did. The last two years were constant hospitalizations and me having to take months off for short term disability. Even I felt I was no longer capable of physically working. I guess I just wanted it to be MY choice. The doctors made it clear to me that I am battling multiple issues. They actually uncovered something none of us were aware of that they will be monitoring. It might be serious, time will tell. It's still just so hard for me to accept that my working days are over. I keep wondering why it's so hard. Perhaps because I was so proud that after years of being told how I could never support myself, I proved that I could. It felt so wonderful to get MY paychecks. It gave me self esteem when I needed  it so badly.I now get a small disability check. It's so much less than when I worked. I have time to find ways to spend money but not much money to spend.

I am certainly glad that Rob has been so supportive. He told me from the start that we would find a way to get by and if not he would get a second part time job. I hope it never comes to that. So far we have been getting by. While I didn't receive a lot of money from my Dad's insurance it was enough to make a difference in our lives. I have a new mattress, new dishwasher and we have a new car which is half paid for. Now that that money is gone we will have to be more careful. We did refinance our house and the lower payment is nearly what the car payment is. I have reduced our bundle plan significantly and reduced our cellular phone bill  as well. I am cooking and we do almost no take out food. We never eat out more than once a week and we don't go anyplace expensive. Those are perks that working covered but aren't really necessary. I have learned we have much more than we truly need. I am so grateful in this economy that I own a home, a car and have medical care and food but most importantly I am grateful to still be here and to have a husband and son who love me.

7 comments:

Barbara said...

And remember that there are readers of your blog who love and care about you too!

Barbara

TARYTERRE said...

It is hard to say goodbye to a part of our lives. You had reconciled yourself to the job being over , then seeing all the stuff made it surface again. that is a shame. You have IMPORTANT health issues facing you and they must be your priority. You are blessed with the love of a good man. It is not the money that matters but the people who care about you. Count me as one of them.

Nelle said...

Thank you Barbara and Terre. Terre, I have been looking for an update from you and thinking of you often.

Nelle said...

Thank you Barbara and Terre. Terre, I have been looking for an update from you and thinking of you often.

alphawoman said...

chdsLove is all you need.

alphawoman said...

oops. lol

Barbara said...

Sunday, July8...wishing you a lovely birthday and prayers for increasingly better health.