Silver and Gold

The other night I saw a woman on a reality show giving a toast and she said that she had been a Brownie and that they had this saying "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver, one is gold." I never knew that was a Brownie saying, but it's a saying I always liked. As I have matured I have realized that I spent way too much time counting on my "old" friends who had moved away and moved into other circles to remain a part of my life. Ironically, I felt they turned to me when going through their hard times but then I was forgotten until I was needed again. I have now come to terms with most of this. People change. They mature and their needs change and they find others who are like them as they are now. While they may love to reconnect with someone from their past once in awhile it's too much effort to try to keep a long distance friendship going. I am sure that there are exceptions to his but I honestly believe they are few. The sad part for me was that I had met many new and exciting friends but I always kept them at bay thinking that I had some very dear friends and didn't really need too many others. How wrong I was. When I was in the hospital in Pennsylvania last summer several of my former coworkers wanted to make that hour and a half drive to see me. I told them not to, that I looked bad and wasn't up to company. (Foolish me thought that one or two of the "old" friends would show up.) My friend Maria kept texting me, sending me emails and stayed in touch. She wanted to meet but I wasn't up to it.

I had a revelation one day. Why was I putting so much into old relationships that clearly no longer existed when I had new people who wanted to be my friend? I looked back at all I had been through and realized there were a handful of people who had been here for me the past four years. Not the people I might have chosen but people who chose ME. I put away my fantasies and realized that I had friends alright. These people saw me through three years of hospitalizations, another heart surgery, my father's illness and death. The past four years have been some of the roughest of my life. I realize now that those silver friends are the ones who will be gold. Especially the one who was with me the day of my Dad's funeral.

This evening one of my friends will be taking me to dinner. I am so excited. She's a great person.  Instead of dwelling on what I have lost, I am moving on with excitement to the friends who are becoming golden. I've let go of my unrealistic hopes and dreams and found that I need new ones. I hope several years from now I will be looking back and reminiscing with these friends about the good times we have yet to have. I'm eager to get started.