Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

When my niece gets annoyed and/or frustrated she says "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr". Today that is just how I feel. I am so frustrated over what the temporary disability insurance did to me I could scream. I tried repeatedly to reach them by phone. After putting in a dozen pieces of information you reach a recording that says all representatives are busy, call back. So I will be waiting who knows how long to see what they say IF they answer me. In the meantime the holidays are approaching, bills are arriving and I have no income. We are a couple who depend on that second income. We can pay our mortgage and utilities on Rob's check but for many other things, we count on mine.

As though that were not enough I have had a few night sweats again. This is not a good sign. They are a sign of having the bacteria. I have been on the antibiotics for two weeks now and by now they should have stopped. I am so frustrated over this I want to cry. When I told a friend and my mother they both launched into lectures that I am stressing myself out and making my self sick. Okay, I agree that stress does interfere with your body healing but certainly, stress is NOT going to prevent antibiotics from working in your body. My mother has always wanted to blame me for any illnesses I had. I don't know what kind of psychological quirk that indicates but even when I received a lymphomoa diagnosis she tried to tell me I didn't take care of myself. PLEASE!! In my opinion it is CRUEL to blame a cancer patient for their illness. Unless they injected themselves with cancer cells, this is absurd.

Today I want to crawl in/under my bed, pull the covers up and just say "enough". I am a fighter but even a fighter needs support and a break every now and then. I have a rash on my legs and thighs that burns. My intestines are out of whack and I have so much riding on whether or not the antibiotics can knock out this infection. As my Dad used to say "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." My mother should have been listening.