Chugging On

I am so tired. I wake up tired...drag through the day and crawl exhausted into bed. This is not how I planned to live my life. There are many reasons I am like this. A sleep study showed that I do have sleep apnea but they told me it would be about two weeks before I would hear from the doctor and I am still waiting.
I am coughing again...and wheezing. The breathlessness is so bad at times that I cry out of sheer frustration. Other days it is not so bad and that makes me crazy wondering WHY? Tomorrow I go to the cardiologist and I feel that is a big waste of time. He never does anything that helps. The only reason I still go is that he monitors my coumadin and I have to have someone who does that.
I am sick of thinking about/dealing with health issues.

I have been at my present employer for three years. I was told I would increase my hours off each month. Have not seen the increase yet and I am eagerly waiting for it. For the past three years I have only had 10 hours off each month. That is for ALL days off; sickness, emergencies, vacation etc. I have never had one day off during that time for vacation. It has all been used for illness. Right now I have one day left which I am planning to use for the day after Thanksgiving. IF I get sick before that day then I will have to work that day.
All my family and friends have off and it is torture to work that day. I am so hoping to have it off. By the way if I call out sick the day before or after a holiday I don't get paid either. Once I was so sick I had no choice and sure enough I was not paid for the holiday. I understand why companies need rules but sometimes people cannot plan their illnesses, OR emergencies.

I went to my friend Pati's this morning. It was a brief visit with me dropping off stuff for her new place. Long story but she got herself in a bad situation
and ended up leaving all her stuff in Florida to get back to family and friends and away from a bad situation. Starting over in your fifties is rough. I was happy to share extra sheets and other things to make this place feel like home.
Her granddaughter was there visiting her. What an adorable child with long, curly red hair. I took her a few items too. I am searching for a mommy and me apron set to give them and I have a gingerbread house kit that I am taking them. Also trying to find an inexpensive cd player and some Christmas music. Most of my best childhood memories are with my beloved grandmother. I recently got a check from her estate. I am trying to use a portion of it to help others. That was what my grandmother spent her entire life doing. She never had a nice pair of shoes and we cried when we saw that many of her shoes had holes in the bottom but if she knew of a child who needed food she was at the store getting them groceries. She lived in a modest home, dressed modestly and was a humble woman but when she died all who knew her praised her life of service to others. I still miss her terribly and I think I always will. I hope to be a small part of the example she lived on a daily basis.