Relief at Last

Last night I felt as though I might have a total meltdown. The past few weeks have been very trying. I learned yesterday morning that a former coworker and mentor, a lovely young 42 year old mother of two sons passed away. She had relapsed with breast cancer about two years ago. I knew it was coming but you can never be prepared for these things. I had to go to work and get through a trying day there. I knew I had to get to the lung doctor as well who is only in her office on Thursdays.

I tossed and turned unable to sleep. In the end I had about three hours sleep and was mentally and physically exhausted. I was experiencing anxiety as well. I kept Rob awake also and he called out of work as did I. I called the lung doctor office and they squeezed me in for this afternoon. She said that my thyroid is full of small nodules, all of which appear to be benign. That will get ultrasounded periodically now. As far as the "new thing" on my xray from Sunday she said that she believes it's most likely some old stuff not yet cleared. Apparently my CT scan of a month ago shows the lungs are far from normal still. They need to go months with no problems to continue to heal and clear. As a precaution she wants me to get them xrayed again in two weeks. I feel somewhat relieved.

There is a memorial service for our friend tomorrow evening. She was very active in the community and they are expecting there to be lines of people. I will try to go. On Saturday morning there will be a mass said for her and I plan to make it to that. Her friends and family are staring a theatre group in her memory for children. She loved the theatre and was in many amateur productions. When I think of her I think of two things: her beautiful cascading natural curly hair and her huge smile. You will be missed Michelle.

A Small Slip of the Tongue (or Brain)

Friday night I was not feeling my best. On Thursday I left work early and went to see the internist. I told her I thought I had a sinus infection. She examined me and said she was reluctant to give me antibiotics and thought it was viral. She said to call her back Monday if I was not better or if I felt worse just to go to the Emergency Room. See, silly me thought that by seeing her I might avoid that. I came home and took two Benadryl had a good nights sleep of twelve hours and went to work on Friday feeling better. That night I began to cough again. Saturday I was pretty good and now using the prescription nasal spray which was supposed to do the trick. Saturday night I was coughing again and noticed a small amount of blood. For me this is a real red flag. Sunday I got up and felt okay then as the morning went on I was having several dizzy spells. Although I never had this happen before, I realized it was vertigo. After lunch I began thinking of how the doctors always tell me to seek early medical help and I decided I just should go to the ER so that on Monday I could go to work. We got to the ER and there were few people. I liked that. I was quickly taken to the back and checked out. A congenial doctor came to take my information and asked me to tell him "what was going on". Little did he know he was in for a history lesson. I began to tell him and I was thinking of how I shouldn't leave anything important out and I explained that the infectious disease doctor said I should have blood cultures before receiving any antibiotics. Why he asked? OK here it goes, I actually said this "Because there could be an orgasm in my blood that keeps affecting me."

He looked at my husband and they laughed hysterically. It took another minute before I realized what I had said. OMG. ORGANISM...I meant organism. Then they really lost it. What a moment. I said "Thank God this has not been videotaped." Seriously. I am hoping this doctor does not have a blog. Is there a doctor website where they post the top funniest patient ER moments? The doctor brought the nurse in and insisted I repeat what I said to her. I was waiting for him to show up with janitors etc. but he took pity on me.

There is something still on my right lung. Small. Could be scar tissue. Lung doctor will check it out and in the meantime as a precaution against an orgasm, I was prescribed Levaquin. Now for the pain of embarassment I will go hide my head under the nearest pillow.

Some People Give Heart Attacks and Others Receive Them

I am afraid I will be the later. Sheesh today did not go well at all for me. Day started when I called my Mom and she repeated something to me better left not said. Then she goes on to tell me of a disagreement of annother family member. I leave for work feeling a bit shaken. (I hate when people are upset with me but tell others not me and then months later, my mother seems compelled to share this with me.) I resolve to straighten this out but have to go to work so put it on the back burner. I get to work and realize I have not eaten anything. I slept TWELVE hours last night, thanks to a large dose of Benadryl the doctor told me to take. I rush into the work cafe and grab and egg and bacon sandwich and cup of coffee then rush up to my desk. I am wearing a lovely silk top that was just dry cleaned. Within five minutes it has a nice circle of egg yolk on it. UGH! I then began to take phone calls when I receive emails from someone in my company who says I didn't show for a meeting. Huh? I go back through older emails and see she sent an email with NO DATE OR TIME. I then email her back explaning that she said I would be notified of the date/time. She tells me to come in the afternoon. Now the mild anxiety that I hold at bay is trying to overtake me and I struggle to keep it in check. Something else happened which was disturbing and I thought I was might be in trouble but I wasn't. I can't go into it for the privacy of my company or coworkers.

I get home and send an email hoping what my mother told me was exaggerated. She has the worst habit of repeating thing and messing them up. Oh dear God, thank you for letting me make it until Friday. There were times I didn't think I could get through the week. I am still waiting for the report of my last ultrasound since they found something in my CT scan. So far, no report has been received by either doctor. Today I thought about calling the radiology place but I just couldn't bring myself to make that call. Not today. Maybe next week.

Hello Friends

My blogging has slacked off for several reasons. I am back at work and I leave the house at 8 a.m. and do not get home until after 6 p.m. It's a long day and been an adjustment for me. I always have phone messages from friends (who I have repeatedly told my hours to) who seem surprised I am not here when they call.

This past weekend my mother went away for four days and my sister came to care for my Dad. Rob and I spent several hours there on Saturday and Sunday to keep her company. It's getting harder and harder to get reliable health aides. Somedays they don't want to be bothered to come and don't. Since my Dad is 200 pounds and like an infant who can't move his right side at all, and wears diapers this is a real problem. They have used three different companies. The aides want to come for three hours minimum but my mother gets upset because they want to change him, watch him eat then watch tv or text on their cell phones. She feels she should only pay them when they are working. The companies suggest that they can do "light" housework and we have encouraged her to have them do laundry, dishes etc. These agencies charge her $22.00 an hour but they pay the employees about $10 an hour. Now the agencies are refusing to send anyone for less than three hours so she is having them twice a day, where they used to come three times a day. She is very frustrated. The doctors never thought he would live this long. If you can call it living to be sitting in a chair that supports you like an infant and being able to speak few words (many of which are confused) and to be in diapers. My father would have hated for anyone to see him like this. My mother hates for people to come and just act like he isn't there asking her questions about him. We are just hoping the company will get more people who are more reliable (and strong enough to pull him out of his recliner and move him in and out of bed.)

There has been major upset with my husband's family. I won't go into it but it has caused us a lot of sleepless nights.
It seems when there are a lot of people hurting, everyone focuses on their hurt and not the hurt of others. I tried to make a phone call to smooth things over, but that didn't seem to go as planned. I have been so ill this year that I have made a decision that NO ONE will be allowed to damage my health. I try hard not to hurt people but I am open and honest. If people don't like that, I am going to have to accept that they don't like me and just let it go. It is so hard to watch someone you love hurting, and even harder to know there is not one thing you can do to make it better. All I can do is let him know that I love and appreciate him.

Well time to get to work. I woke up with a headache for the third straight day. Work has been going really well. I just kind of fell right back into the groove and adapted to the necessary changes.

You Say It's Your Birthday

the top of the popcorn tin..the sides have the same pictures on it over and over, I will keep this and use it for storage :)

My birthday (all my clothes, especially tops are too big for me but I can't replace everything. (pic to right)

Below pic taken today after I had my hair trimmed. These are peace sign flip flops and a bottle of Ed Hardy Sangria.

You can see that I am retaining fluid in these pics! Time for some Lasix.

Thank you for all who wished me a Happy Birthday on FB.

I am so fortunate to have so many friends and I appreciate you all.

Another Birthday, July 8th(part 1)

This was my birthday cake, strawberry shortcake, YUMMMY

This bakery puts a chocolate bar with your name on it too!

What a great birthday I had this year. My coworkers really showed me the love with a wonderful homemade card filled with many beautiful messages, a rose and a small cake. I also got balloons. When I got home I had this delish cake waiting for me and a package from my friend (who I met as a fellow AOL blogger) Jennifer. This lady knows me. She got me the tin filled with the most delicious popcorn and I am indulging and loving it! Rob got me a book, three small bands to be worn as one ring, and a SKIN IT for my laptop. Of course, he chose a peace sign theme. I also received a pair of peace sign flip flops, a bottle of Sangria, two flip flop frames that are magnetic and I can use at work and some moola.

laptop skin shown above....I love peace signs :)

Hope You Enjoyed Your Fourth of July

It was nice to have a long weekend. Of course, they always go by much too fast.
The night of July 2nd we headed down to the shore and ate a a "drive in" called Circus Drive In. You can actually eat under a tent like set up but it's all open. They had fresh seafood and I thought of my grandmother and how she loved her seafood. Her birthday would have been July 15th and for some reason I am thinking about this an awful lot.

I returned to work last week for two days. As last time, my desk was now occupied by someone else and my stuff (or most of it I should say) was left elsewhere. I found it but my garbage can was gone, and some other items that I purchased such as antibacterial wipes and a mirror were gone. My previous boss, a lovely lady, was promoted. That made me happy but the replaced her with a man that I really didn't know. He certainly was quite different than her or my previous boss. I was quickly told I would be moving to yet another team and after having cleaned up one work area, I went to another desk and cleaned things there. This new boss to me, is a young woman I have always liked and often wished I worked for. I see that as a positive. On her team is a man I like very much who I have much in common with. He is also diabetic and tends to watch out for me which I grately appreciate. There are some other people I like on the new team as well so I am optomisitic. This week will only be a four day work week for me, thankfully.

Yesterday we went to my parents house and my sister-in-law Stephanie provided a cold lunch for us all. I took a cake.
We had a nice lunch and lounged around chatting for several hours. We came home and were finishing watching the HBO miniseries about John Adams when half an hour from the end, we heard very close fireworks. I looked out and saw two of our favorite neighbors outside so I ran out. I love fireworks but was too tired to make the journey to see any. We had a short but lovely show and then they stood around our yard visiting. It was nice. Unfortunately, I got too stimulated and couldn't go to sleep when I came in. Laid awake for hours and today I have been exhausted. Early to bed tonight for sure.

I had an MRI before I returned to work. The pneumonia is pretty much gone but not one hundred percent yet. They told me it would take months. They found something else that will require me to have an ultrasound. I am not really worried but they feel that it must be addressed. Hopefully I can get that done this week, after work one evening.