Of sleepless nights and troubling thoughts

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I can go right to sleep when my head hits the pillow but I wake around 3 or 4 a.m. and lay awake for hours. My mind kicks into high gear at that time. I have so much to worry about right now. I am working and taking a class that requires a lot of studying. I have a midterm this week and am worried about that.

My sister had her surgical procedure and we are now waiting to hear the results of her biopsy. I am giving her the space she wants while trying to be supportive in a way that is acceptable to her. She refuses to worry until she has something concrete to worry about. I am respecting her way of dealing with this.

One of my friends rushed ahead into a relationship that is now throwing up red flags for her. I am walking on eggs, trying to help her sort things out. Her last significant other caused huge problems in our relationship. I want her to be happy and I am concerned that she may hurt this person that she assured she would not.

Rob and I seem to be on different schedules work wise. I work two Saturdays each month and usually he doesn't work on Saturdays. The past few months it seems he has had an opportunity to work,but only on the Saturdays that I have off. Yesterday I went to a craft show with my sister-in-law. When Rob got home we went out for a bite to eat. We are both so tired these days that we flop into bed, passing out when our heads hit the pillow. (He isn't sleeping that well either. His sister will be starting chemo any day. His family never calls us and the only way we find anything at all out is to call them. ) Today we got up and Rob got our ladder out and we brought down our Halloween things from the attic. That cheered us up a bit. We have lots of stuff! Rob vacumned for me since my left wrist is so painful and weak. Afterwards he helped me to stir the dough and I made peanut butter cookies. My son was ill and we ran in his direction and took some, along with clean laundry that had been left here. Afterwards we ran to a country store that we like. It was a nice day. Not at all that relaxing but still we had a day together.

I know the worth of a good marriage. I worry that with all I have on my plate I am not doing enough to keep mine the way I want it to be. I am feeling my age these days. I don't have the energy I once did. I like my house to be tidy and organized. I like to go to work with a decent appearance. I like to give my pets the time and energy they deserve. I just can't seem to find the time to do it ALL. Anna Quindlen was so right. We can have it all but not at the same time. Once school ends late November, I will enjoy the extra time I will then have. In the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than the relationship I have waited years for. My brilliant friend Diana, once told me that love is more about the way the person makes you feel about yourself, than how you feel about them. Rob makes me feel like the most loved woman there is. I only hope that I make him feel the same way, even when I am too tired to do the little things to show him that.