Sunday, June 01, 2008

It's a Balancing Act

I really enjoyed my four day long weekend last week...trouble is I tried to fit way too much in.
My m i l's birthday is today. Last Sunday we went shopping and I bought her a digital keychain that holds 60 photos. When we got home my husband and I went through dozens of pics and chose the ones to put onto it. We discovered the USB cable was missing from the box. No problem because we had one from a GPS that would work. Thing is, I realized that in order to charge the battery she would need the one that was supposed to be in the box. Monday we had to see my parents and were so tired from all the yardwork and house chores that we then fell asleep. When we woke up I said that I would go on Tuesday to get the missing cable. I have Tuesdays off now. It's a trade off for working four ten hour days. I went on Tuesday and got the missing cable but problem being, I got the box in the mail too late and she didn't have it for today. I feel guilty about that. We called and apologized twice but I really do feel badly, especially with this being her first birthday without her daughter (and the anniversary of her daughter's death is a week from today.) Tomorrow she will receive a nice box filled with gifts and a check. I hope it will give her a nice lift. It's really hard to remember everyone in a timely fashion. When I wasn't working full time it was a lot easier.

I am preparing for my best friend's daughter's wedding the end of the month. I had to find a nice dress, have the dress altered, upon trying on the dress, realized it need further alterations, and still don't know what shoes I will be wearing! I was fortunate to find a dress that I really like.
It is black but with a matte stripe also black running through the fabric. It is piped in a beautiful chartreuse satin piping and I found a Pashmina the same color to wear over it since it has thin staps and is a very summery dress. Perfect for dancing and having a grand time. I am looking forward to a get away. Haven't spent a night away from home since last year when we were in my mother-in-law's and it was a rough week then. We need a night of happiness even if it is costing us a lot with the gas and tolls and hotel fees and the clothes and the gift. It will be a joyous event with people who are like a second family to me.

My father is not doing too well. He is depressed. He went to his house at the foot of the mountains in upstate New York. He walked in the house and fell on his face receiving a few injuries. They only have cell phones they use when there and they turned off the ringer and can't figure out how to turn it back on. My father forgot HIS cell phone (all the people up there had his no. not my mother's) along with his briefcase with all his house papers in it. My mother didn't fare much better forgetting her suitcase and realizing she only had the clothes on her back. This is over five hours away from their home here. They are planning to return on Wednesday and he has a full calendar of medical visits then. It has been strange not to speak to them except for twice when they called this week. Week before last I called one afternoon and my father began to say things he had never said my entire life such as that he loved me and appreciated all the help I had given to my parents. This almost scared me. He says that he belongs in a nursing home. He begs my mother to sell their houses and move into something that won't require upkeep and be so costly. She clings to that house even though she admits it's too much for her to care for. It's almost as though that house represents life to her.

Work is a good distraction for me from these problems. Work creates stress in a different way but I love the company that I work for. There are many coworkers I am fond of. Each day new things come into play that keep me on my toes. Tomorrow there will be changes again and my boss who has been out for two weeks for the birth of a child will be returning. I look forward to that.

This past weekend I emptied out all my pantry (and the overflow pantry in the garage.) I checked dates on all the jars and cans and boxes. I threw out a huge bag of expired items.
I have been so busy with working that I haven't cooked much and I wanted to make sure there was nothing old that I might grab in a hurry. This was symbolic for me. I have regained control of my life. The things that have expired are gone and what is left is neatly arranged. I am comfortable in my marriage, my home, my job and even my neighborhood. When I think back to all that has happened in the last decade it's a lot. I am a stronger, more patient person than I was back then. It's a good feeling and I like where I am. It was worth the struggles that it took to get here.

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