Disappointment

I finally had my right heart catherization. It was not what  I had hoped for. Not only had my pressure not gone down, it had increased in my lungs. My heart was worse bearing this pressure and that of fluid in my body. It was disheartening.

Rob and I began going to a new church a few months ago. It has lifted my spirits tremendously. The people are loving, kind and friendly. They are a nondenominational church who basically believe in reading and teaching the Bible and following it's teachings.

Tonight my mother is having all of us go out for my father's birthday (Oct. 27th). Why we do this now and not while he was alive and would have enjoyed it perplexes me. It also reinforces my belief that we should do things NOW for people, not when they are gone. This week one of my dear friends from high school lost her mother. Another friend's father has been in critical condition for over a month and they were removing him from life support last night. She lives in Florida and had come to be with him in Pennsylvania for a week. Her husband is also quite ill and she won't be able to come back for his funeral.

I deactivated my Facebook account. I just can't take all the whining from people who have no clue what real problems are. Some people who have known how ill I have been for YEARS make posts such as "love you." Really? Sorry, but if you have known I was critically ill numerous times and never acknowledged it, I do not believe  you care much less love me. It seems so many people throw these words around so lightly. Instead of "have a nice day" they want to say "love you." Frankly, I've had enough of that. The people I know love me don't have to tell me, I see it in their behavior. These are the faithful who have sent me emails, snail mail cards, called  me, invited me out. The diamonds of this group have come here to my home when I couldn't drive to meet them. Those are the people who love me and they know who they are.

I am tired. I am not feeling that great. I just felt I needed to update. Have a good weekend and for all my diamond friends: shine on you crazy diamonds. :)

Fit to Be Tied

My Southern relatives have some great expressions. With all that's been going on I am "fit to be tied."
I went to my pulmonary hypertension doctor last week. He wants a right heart catherization done the tenth (earliest he could do it.) My pressure seems to be what it was before the meds. Symptoms were better, now they don't seem as good as they were if I am perfectly honest. On Friday night I went to a craft show after about fifteen minutes I just couldn't go any further. I didn't complain about how I felt not wanting to ruin my sister-in-law, sister or mother's good time. I went and found a  chair and got permission to sit on it. The woman was very kind. The minute I got home the oxygen went right on. On Saturday and Sunday I felt really bad and Rob had a cold. Not a thing got done around here on a weekend which is unusual. We didn't even have meals. Rob had chicken soup from a box and I had pb&j sandwiches when I wanted anything.

On Monday I headed off to the cardiology office to have my blood thinner tested. It was high, meaning the blood was too thin. This is dangerous. On my way there I began to see what looked like a spiderweb in front of my eye, black and  being torn into pieces. When I got home my aunt called and told me that was a symptom of a torn retina. I called my opthamologist and he had me come in at 4. Everytime I got in bright light it got much worse. He told me that the vitreous had detached in my right eye. He didn't find a retinal tear which sometimes happens together. I go to see a retinal specialist next week. I also go back for a repeat blood test and to Philly to have the procedure done. It will be a hectic week.

I am so tired, mentally and physically. I need a relaxation break. I need a pedicure. Maybe tomorrow.