I am still sick. I had woken up last Tuesday not feeling well and on Wednesday had a bad sore throat. Now I think I have a sinus infection. Called the internist and he will see me at 1:45. It seems to me that the right half of my head feels much sicker than the left. My voice is a scratchy sounding weak noise that my animals don't seem to be hearing. I had to call out of work, something I hate doing when I have no paid sick days. On the other hand, I am too ill to work and would not want to infect coworkers with this plague of sorts.
This morning I managed to remove the sheets from my bed and get them into the washing machine. Rob helped me replace them before going to work. He wanted to stay home and take me to the doctor himself but if he calls out the day after a holiday, he won't be paid for the holiday, which is two days. I told him I will be fine.
I would love some chicken soup with matzoh balls. There's this wonderful Jewish deli only ten minutes from me but it seems so far right now. I don't know what time they open. I sure wish they delivered. Once you've had their soup you are ruined for canned soup. When I get there I'm going to buy extra for my freezer.
I am still eating Thanksgiving leftovers. Is anyone else? Saw a recipe on a show where they used the turkey, gravy and veggies and made a top crust only pot pie. YUMMMM. No matter how ill I am, I never lose my appetite. Sometimes I think I starved to death in a previous life.
Monday, November 27, 2006
All I really want for Christmas (at least right now) is chicken soup
I am still sick. I had woken up last Tuesday not feeling well and on Wednesday had a bad sore throat. Now I think I have a sinus infection. Called the internist and he will see me at 1:45. It seems to me that the right half of my head feels much sicker than the left. My voice is a scratchy sounding weak noise that my animals don't seem to be hearing. I had to call out of work, something I hate doing when I have no paid sick days. On the other hand, I am too ill to work and would not want to infect coworkers with this plague of sorts.
This morning I managed to remove the sheets from my bed and get them into the washing machine. Rob helped me replace them before going to work. He wanted to stay home and take me to the doctor himself but if he calls out the day after a holiday, he won't be paid for the holiday, which is two days. I told him I will be fine.
I would love some chicken soup with matzoh balls. There's this wonderful Jewish deli only ten minutes from me but it seems so far right now. I don't know what time they open. I sure wish they delivered. Once you've had their soup you are ruined for canned soup. When I get there I'm going to buy extra for my freezer.
I am still eating Thanksgiving leftovers. Is anyone else? Saw a recipe on a show where they used the turkey, gravy and veggies and made a top crust only pot pie. YUMMMM. No matter how ill I am, I never lose my appetite. Sometimes I think I starved to death in a previous life.
This morning I managed to remove the sheets from my bed and get them into the washing machine. Rob helped me replace them before going to work. He wanted to stay home and take me to the doctor himself but if he calls out the day after a holiday, he won't be paid for the holiday, which is two days. I told him I will be fine.
I would love some chicken soup with matzoh balls. There's this wonderful Jewish deli only ten minutes from me but it seems so far right now. I don't know what time they open. I sure wish they delivered. Once you've had their soup you are ruined for canned soup. When I get there I'm going to buy extra for my freezer.
I am still eating Thanksgiving leftovers. Is anyone else? Saw a recipe on a show where they used the turkey, gravy and veggies and made a top crust only pot pie. YUMMMM. No matter how ill I am, I never lose my appetite. Sometimes I think I starved to death in a previous life.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
An Unusual Thanksgiving Holiday
This was one of the most unusal Thanksgiving holidays I have ever spent. We had planned to be in Rhode Island. My mother-in-law felt that our dog might be problematic and besides she was sick so it seemed best not to go. Not my decision but sometimes you can only roll with the punches. We had a nice meal at home, which I was scampering about last minute for. My son came over and I had macaroni and cheese for him, the vegetarian. I had developed a sore throat and on Friday we were just hanging out when the phone rang. My friend had been inviting us to her place on the Cheseapeake Bay for weeks for Thanksgiving and we had declined, believing we would be in Rhode Island. I told her I wasn't feeling well but she wanted us to come so badly and I thought "I took 4 days off work expecting to go somewhere so why not?" My husband, the more reasonable of the two of us advised me against it. Ten minutes later we were packing up the car and made out getaway with Duffy in the backseat. Duffy gets carsick and I tried something on him the vet had given me. It worked for the first 100 miles. It was then that my backseat got covered. We pressed on and got to see the new home which sits on the Eastern Shore. The views are simply breathtaking. We had some leftovers for dinner and the men went and got Mission Impossible and we watched that. By now I was feeling worse and my voice was getting weaker by the moment. We went to bed and we both tossed and turned all night. The Canadian Geese were very noisy on the water. That would not normally bother me but my congestion, sore throat and some other man's snoring was keeping me awake. When we got up this morning, I know I disappointed my friend by saying we needed to head back. Three hours each way. She was celebrating a friend's mother's 100th birthday today. I simply could not in all conscience expose this woman to my illness. On the way back today our poor Duffy who had been a model of good behavior threw up all the way home. It was heart rendering.
We got him home, Rob bathed him and he is in good spirits. Not so sure if he'll be eager to get back in the car again. Rob did something he had always wanted to do. If you want to know what check out his journal. I don't want to steal his thunder. He is taking wonderful care of me this evening. He is more concerned about my health than I am.
I hate to think that tomorrow is the last day of my four days off. I have my final class on Tuesday night when I get my course completion certificate. I have to be well for that! Tomorrow I am hoping to wake up feeling better and maybe put a few Christmas decorations up. Now that class is done I just need to take my state exam and focus on Christmas. It's a beautiful life.
We got him home, Rob bathed him and he is in good spirits. Not so sure if he'll be eager to get back in the car again. Rob did something he had always wanted to do. If you want to know what check out his journal. I don't want to steal his thunder. He is taking wonderful care of me this evening. He is more concerned about my health than I am.
I hate to think that tomorrow is the last day of my four days off. I have my final class on Tuesday night when I get my course completion certificate. I have to be well for that! Tomorrow I am hoping to wake up feeling better and maybe put a few Christmas decorations up. Now that class is done I just need to take my state exam and focus on Christmas. It's a beautiful life.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Happy Anniversary and other things to be thankful for
I get very choked up when I think of what I have to be thankful for. I am thankful to be alive. There were times when I wasn't sure I would live through a medical crisis. I first got cancer when I was 23 years old. I feared I would not live to see my three year old grow up. I did. :)
When my only child got leukemia at the age of 16 I was stricken with physical fear, nothing like anything I had ever experienced before. I would have gladly taken his place but that was not an option. I thank God daily that my son survived (after being given odds of 30%). I thank God that my sanity remained throughout that three year ordeal. I thank God that I found the strength to leave a relationship that was threatening the core of who I am. I am thankful that I found the strength and endured the really rough times and survived them.
Today is the third anniversary of my church wedding. I am so grateful that I found Rob. He is a wonderful, kind and loving man. He makes me feel valued and loved. It doesn't get any better than that. He always believes that whatever obstacles I have to overcome, that I will. Knowing that someone believes in you is something that I have not had for much of my life.
I am also grateful for my friends. The ones who have always been there to listen, who have given me hugs when needed and told me the hard truth when I needed to hear it.
I have much to be thankful for. I think we all do but often people see the glass as half empty. To me my cup runneth over.
When my only child got leukemia at the age of 16 I was stricken with physical fear, nothing like anything I had ever experienced before. I would have gladly taken his place but that was not an option. I thank God daily that my son survived (after being given odds of 30%). I thank God that my sanity remained throughout that three year ordeal. I thank God that I found the strength to leave a relationship that was threatening the core of who I am. I am thankful that I found the strength and endured the really rough times and survived them.
Today is the third anniversary of my church wedding. I am so grateful that I found Rob. He is a wonderful, kind and loving man. He makes me feel valued and loved. It doesn't get any better than that. He always believes that whatever obstacles I have to overcome, that I will. Knowing that someone believes in you is something that I have not had for much of my life.
I am also grateful for my friends. The ones who have always been there to listen, who have given me hugs when needed and told me the hard truth when I needed to hear it.
I have much to be thankful for. I think we all do but often people see the glass as half empty. To me my cup runneth over.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Two Days and Counting.........
We are two days away from Turkey Day and I just went today and bought a 14 pound turkey and two pies. I normally cook pies but since I was at the endodontist today, go to school tonight and work tomorrow I decided to buy them instead. Not the cheap pies but the really good ones, one pumpkin and one lattice apple pie.
Back to the endodontist visit.....a few weeks ago I began experiencing pain each time I put something hot in my mouth. The pain seemed to be coming from my front tooth which had been root canaled about ten years ago. The dentist x rayed it and told me that he could'nt see anything and wanted a root canal specialist to investigate it. This morning when he put heat (and by heat I mean something that was smoking, litterally) on the tooth that I thought it was coming from I felt nothing. The same heat on the tooth next to it revealed immediate, intense pain. WE now know that #8 is fine but #7 has an inflamed root. The doctor recommends having it root canaled. Before the pain becomes unbearable and before it becomes dead and infected.
Damn I hate dental procedures. I booked it for Dec. 12th. That will mean that my dental coverage for this year will pay for it since I barely used it. If I postpone it, which I am tempted to do I might find myself putting a lot out of pocket next year. Better to get it over with. That is providing I don't back out. When I was a child I first went to the dentist at age 6. My older brother told me that the dentist used the jackhammers that were used on sidewalks on your teeth. When I learned I needed a filling I promptly threw up all over the dentist. The following week when I arrived I fainted, came to and threw up again. At that point he advised my mother I needed to be knocked out for the work to be done. They gave me an ether mask. Don't know if any of you have ever had that but the smell is sickening alone. I came to and found that four teeth were missing and others had so much pain from the deep silver fillings. My grandmother took me to her house and I was on liquids for a few days. From then on the very mention of the name dentist had me in a cold sweat. It was only as a young adult that I learned that my brother who had terrorized me about the dentist had never had ONE filling. In his thirties he got ONE very small filling. My mouth is full of fillings, now some metal and some porcelain. I can go to the dentist now without throwing up or fainting. I do feel anxious and once I hear the drill I go into my flight mode. I grip the chair so hard I will have cramps in my hands afterward. I keep telling myself that I am fortunate to be able to have dental work as opposed to having my teeth fall out. I am fortunate to have dental insurance and know that I will only pay 20% for the most part.
I will do what I need to to keep my teeth. I just hope it goes better than my last root canal.
Back to the endodontist visit.....a few weeks ago I began experiencing pain each time I put something hot in my mouth. The pain seemed to be coming from my front tooth which had been root canaled about ten years ago. The dentist x rayed it and told me that he could'nt see anything and wanted a root canal specialist to investigate it. This morning when he put heat (and by heat I mean something that was smoking, litterally) on the tooth that I thought it was coming from I felt nothing. The same heat on the tooth next to it revealed immediate, intense pain. WE now know that #8 is fine but #7 has an inflamed root. The doctor recommends having it root canaled. Before the pain becomes unbearable and before it becomes dead and infected.
Damn I hate dental procedures. I booked it for Dec. 12th. That will mean that my dental coverage for this year will pay for it since I barely used it. If I postpone it, which I am tempted to do I might find myself putting a lot out of pocket next year. Better to get it over with. That is providing I don't back out. When I was a child I first went to the dentist at age 6. My older brother told me that the dentist used the jackhammers that were used on sidewalks on your teeth. When I learned I needed a filling I promptly threw up all over the dentist. The following week when I arrived I fainted, came to and threw up again. At that point he advised my mother I needed to be knocked out for the work to be done. They gave me an ether mask. Don't know if any of you have ever had that but the smell is sickening alone. I came to and found that four teeth were missing and others had so much pain from the deep silver fillings. My grandmother took me to her house and I was on liquids for a few days. From then on the very mention of the name dentist had me in a cold sweat. It was only as a young adult that I learned that my brother who had terrorized me about the dentist had never had ONE filling. In his thirties he got ONE very small filling. My mouth is full of fillings, now some metal and some porcelain. I can go to the dentist now without throwing up or fainting. I do feel anxious and once I hear the drill I go into my flight mode. I grip the chair so hard I will have cramps in my hands afterward. I keep telling myself that I am fortunate to be able to have dental work as opposed to having my teeth fall out. I am fortunate to have dental insurance and know that I will only pay 20% for the most part.
I will do what I need to to keep my teeth. I just hope it goes better than my last root canal.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Why I support cloning........
This week I would like to be able to clone myself. Seriously. On Thanksgiving my mother will be going to my nephew's house in Pennsylvania. At first it was a bit shocking and I wondered what we would do. Little could I have guessed. We got an email from my mother-in-law (she can't call anymore because she can't afford it so we rarely communicate.) When we do try calling her she is rarely home which perhaps if she stayed home more........well I won't go there. My sister-in-law, the baby of the family has had her share of problems. She had a nerve removed which contained a tumor and she is now undergoing radiation. She has a seven year old daughter who has been quite upset, understandably so. We NEED to be there. I would like to be here with my son. I would also like to be at my friend's new house on the inlet of the Chesapeake Bay. Unfortunately, I can only be ONE place. It will probably be Rhode Island but we first have to find someone home to talk to. It is very hard when you have two families and they are nearly 300 miles apart. I also have a son who is here. His father goes to his girlfriend's and my son does not go there. It gets so complicated and I wish it weren't. This will probably be the last Thanksgiving that we go to Rhode Island. We have tried for six years to get my mother-in-law to come here. She refuses and the last time she was at our house was two years ago and it was a two hour visit while passing through our state with her sister. It has been three years since she was here for our church wedding. While she has managed to go to Mexico, Miami, Michigan, and New York she hasn't been able to come here. This really frustrates her son. She does not know my son, her son's step-son at all. That really frustrates me. Why must everything be so complicated? I have a trunk full of gifts to take up there. Next year if they are not going to come here we are going to have to do gift certificates. I refuse to spend money to mail toys and gifts again.
Don't get me wrong.....it's not that my family is a piece of cake either. Oh no. Not at all. I have older nieces and nephews that show up at my brother's house every year expecting gifts when I have never received a card in the mail from them. It's the one time of the year I know I will see one of my brother's and his family. They see her family weekly: parents and siblings.
I am not going to let any of this get me down. I refuse! I will enjoy turkey day. I will enjoy Christmas or someone's going to pay! I have visions of a flat screen monitor dancing in my head.
Don't get me wrong.....it's not that my family is a piece of cake either. Oh no. Not at all. I have older nieces and nephews that show up at my brother's house every year expecting gifts when I have never received a card in the mail from them. It's the one time of the year I know I will see one of my brother's and his family. They see her family weekly: parents and siblings.
I am not going to let any of this get me down. I refuse! I will enjoy turkey day. I will enjoy Christmas or someone's going to pay! I have visions of a flat screen monitor dancing in my head.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Thanksgiving Approaches
My son called me earlier. He is sad because he can't celebrate Thanksgiving in the house he grew up in. Making matters worse he drove by the house today and the new people made some changes. I had seen those changes and while I don't think they enhanced the appearance, that is their right as the new owners. My son still regrets that I could not live there indeffinitely, perhaps even until he someday could take over the house. The taxes alone were beyond my reach once the house and all it's bills become solely mine. I was lucky to get out from under the financial burden. It had some good memories and my fireplace that I still miss very much.
My son is having what are growing pains. He hasn't found anyone he wants to share his life with. Well, he did many years ago but she decided once she lived in the city that she wanted to have her freedom. He has never cared for anyone the way he cared for her and I fear that it will be a long time, if he ever trusts anyone with his heart again. Life has been difficult for him. I wish I could change that but I cannot.
Saddest of all to me is that he cannot seem to see how much he has going for him. He finally has a full time job and money in the bank but he wants to own his own company. He is not a good business person as he does things for free or little money. He wants to be generous and helpful and while those are admirable traits they don't make a business owner a success in most situations.
He talks about leaving this country. The grass always looks greener. I understand that. I remember what it is to have dreams and the yearn to travel. I worry though. I don't want to have to worry. The hardest part of parenting is letting your child (no matter how old) pursue their dream knowing that it would be easier for them not to. I won't squelch that in him. He has the roots and now he is going to spread his wings. I'm glad that he is physically healthy enough to be focusing on things like that.
My son is having what are growing pains. He hasn't found anyone he wants to share his life with. Well, he did many years ago but she decided once she lived in the city that she wanted to have her freedom. He has never cared for anyone the way he cared for her and I fear that it will be a long time, if he ever trusts anyone with his heart again. Life has been difficult for him. I wish I could change that but I cannot.
Saddest of all to me is that he cannot seem to see how much he has going for him. He finally has a full time job and money in the bank but he wants to own his own company. He is not a good business person as he does things for free or little money. He wants to be generous and helpful and while those are admirable traits they don't make a business owner a success in most situations.
He talks about leaving this country. The grass always looks greener. I understand that. I remember what it is to have dreams and the yearn to travel. I worry though. I don't want to have to worry. The hardest part of parenting is letting your child (no matter how old) pursue their dream knowing that it would be easier for them not to. I won't squelch that in him. He has the roots and now he is going to spread his wings. I'm glad that he is physically healthy enough to be focusing on things like that.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Celebration Time!
I am happy to report that I passed my final exam. The hard studying paid off and I got an 89 on my final. I think only one person got a higher score than me and she is the one person who does not work outside of her home and studies three hours per day. She got a 95.
My coworker and friend invited me to her house and we had the celebratory wine and a sandwich. We are both so relieved. Now we only have to pass the state licensing exam and we are good to go. It's been a long, hard road but the end is in sight.
Thanksgiving is next week and I will be spending it with some very special people. Time to be grateful and that I certainly am.
My coworker and friend invited me to her house and we had the celebratory wine and a sandwich. We are both so relieved. Now we only have to pass the state licensing exam and we are good to go. It's been a long, hard road but the end is in sight.
Thanksgiving is next week and I will be spending it with some very special people. Time to be grateful and that I certainly am.
A B C........simple as 1, 2, 3...........
Yesterday I studied.....from 10 a.m. until 5 p.m. I covered eleven chapters. Reread them and wrote myself notes. It was a productive day. Today I plan to cover the next eleven chapters.
My test is at 6 p.m. These are the chapters with the math problems in them and two are difficult. When I am done writing this entry I will be opening the book. I have found that taking breaks and learning to relax a bit is helping me retain more than I previously had. Yesterday the pets were good. They each got something to entertain them and I had a lot of quiet while studying. I feel really good about the day's progress. Things which previously confused me seemed to become understandable. My brain seemed to be kicking in. Woohoo!
The laws I have studied on discrimination have been very interesting and thought provoking.
In New Jersey you cannot discriminate on race EVER because it's a federal law. You can, if you own your own home and are renting out a room or apartment in part of your own dwelling, discriminate on some other factors though. I never realized that there were so many laws regarding real estate. In New Jersey there are laws prohibiting discrimination against sexual or affectional orientation. New Jersey is a progressive state. If you have been watching the news you know that. This state is overpopulated and very costly to live in. Sometimes though, I am proud of this state. I have lived here since the age of ten. That's coughfortytwoyearscough.
I live in such a diverse area. There are people from every race, nationality, religion. I have a neighbor a few doors down who has lights up for Ramadan. He's from India. It's a cultural melting pot here. Since I can't afford to live in Manhattan this is as good as it gets. I love the city. Often wished I could afford a brownstone there....in an artsy neighborhood in the Village. That will never happen but the suburbs which were rural farms when I moved here so long ago are now more and more an extension of that city and it's people. It keeps life interesting.
My test is at 6 p.m. These are the chapters with the math problems in them and two are difficult. When I am done writing this entry I will be opening the book. I have found that taking breaks and learning to relax a bit is helping me retain more than I previously had. Yesterday the pets were good. They each got something to entertain them and I had a lot of quiet while studying. I feel really good about the day's progress. Things which previously confused me seemed to become understandable. My brain seemed to be kicking in. Woohoo!
The laws I have studied on discrimination have been very interesting and thought provoking.
In New Jersey you cannot discriminate on race EVER because it's a federal law. You can, if you own your own home and are renting out a room or apartment in part of your own dwelling, discriminate on some other factors though. I never realized that there were so many laws regarding real estate. In New Jersey there are laws prohibiting discrimination against sexual or affectional orientation. New Jersey is a progressive state. If you have been watching the news you know that. This state is overpopulated and very costly to live in. Sometimes though, I am proud of this state. I have lived here since the age of ten. That's coughfortytwoyearscough.
I live in such a diverse area. There are people from every race, nationality, religion. I have a neighbor a few doors down who has lights up for Ramadan. He's from India. It's a cultural melting pot here. Since I can't afford to live in Manhattan this is as good as it gets. I love the city. Often wished I could afford a brownstone there....in an artsy neighborhood in the Village. That will never happen but the suburbs which were rural farms when I moved here so long ago are now more and more an extension of that city and it's people. It keeps life interesting.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Damn I Feel Cranky
Yesterday was a wonderful day. We drove to Pennsylvania to celebrate the birthday of my best friend since the age of ten. She seemed to like her gifts and we had a nice cake. Later in the day we went to a restaurant with her son and her fiancee's son and had a nice dinner.
Today I really need to be studying. I am facing so many distractions. The neighborhood kids bouncing a basketball and screaming, dogs barking (including my own) and a spoiled cat that cries constantly alternating between wanting attention and food.) I need peace and quiet. I remember being a teen and studying with music blaring in the background. The louder the better. I read something ONCE and retained it. I have read this material dozens of times and still, I miss things. It makes me cranky. It makes me banish pets for some "me" time.
On the second half of our midterm our teacher had 70% of the class fail. She blamed us for not studying. I studied for at least four hours for that test. I did well all through school. I think it's one thing to do something and another to teach. Perhaps that is my crankiness speaking. I know that I have spent countless hours trying to study, some were more successful than others. Still, I was told by the three people who scored an 80 on that midterm that they don't work and they study a MINIMUM of three hours per day. I am frustrated. Yesterday was a nice distraction for me but now it's time to buckle down and I keep wondering if I have the right stuff.
It's raining and while I usually hate it, I am getting happier because that means that the kids can't be outside playing. Sometimes I think I need to be in a senior development. That sounds awful but I need my quiet now. Damn it.
Today I really need to be studying. I am facing so many distractions. The neighborhood kids bouncing a basketball and screaming, dogs barking (including my own) and a spoiled cat that cries constantly alternating between wanting attention and food.) I need peace and quiet. I remember being a teen and studying with music blaring in the background. The louder the better. I read something ONCE and retained it. I have read this material dozens of times and still, I miss things. It makes me cranky. It makes me banish pets for some "me" time.
On the second half of our midterm our teacher had 70% of the class fail. She blamed us for not studying. I studied for at least four hours for that test. I did well all through school. I think it's one thing to do something and another to teach. Perhaps that is my crankiness speaking. I know that I have spent countless hours trying to study, some were more successful than others. Still, I was told by the three people who scored an 80 on that midterm that they don't work and they study a MINIMUM of three hours per day. I am frustrated. Yesterday was a nice distraction for me but now it's time to buckle down and I keep wondering if I have the right stuff.
It's raining and while I usually hate it, I am getting happier because that means that the kids can't be outside playing. Sometimes I think I need to be in a senior development. That sounds awful but I need my quiet now. Damn it.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
My Week
Last week was quite full. Halloween was it's usual hectic night. The Duffster was dressed as "The King" with his white cape that had the gold eagle and jewels. He seemed to like the cape, even the collar that framed his head. He did veto the shades and I didn't push it. He greeted and barked at each and every treater I got. That was over one hundred although I don't think I had my record of two years ago which was about 130. Living in a development invites a lot of treaters for safety reasons. I don't know many of them but I do remember being a kid and each and every little bell ringer gets the same: a sticker page, Sweet Tarts and Dots or a Kit Kat, small sized treats.
I didn't have school Halloween evening but I was studying for the second part of my midterm which took place on Thursday night. Now that was scary. Picture this a room of over twenty adults looking at the test then each other in shock. The results were horrifying. Two women who are the 100 score, perfectionist types were able to get 80. Myself and a handful of others just missed the 70 score, coming in at 66. The majority failed it completely. I am talking scores of 40 and lower. I was always an A or B student. Frequently on the honor roll. I am not used to this. What is troubling is this: the book gives reviews and practice tests. I score 80 or above on them. This instructor with her decades of experience is making up her own tests. Huge discussion amongst students as to whether certain things were even mentioned that appeared on the test.
Secondly, there were two things discussed which were glossed over. There were five questions on each on the test. This is where the perfectionists couldn't even pull it together. One woman went into the ladie's room and sobbed. It was that bad. As one of the perfectionists was leaving she remarked to the teacher that the degree of difficulty on that test was beyond any expectation she might have had. The teacher remarked "I thought it was easy." Our instructor has worked in the field for over thirty years. I think that she cannot realize any longer what it is like to be starting out. It's one thing to do something but another to be able to teach it. At this point I am still trying. I did take a practice state test and did well but I must pass this final exam in order to be eligbile for the state licensing exam. I am hanging in there. Too much money and time invested to turn back now. Heading onward and upward.
This was my weekend to work. Yesterday was an exceptionally pleasant day at work and I got much accomplished with the quiet for the most part. I am having my yearly physical (the one I skipped the previous two years) on Wednesday and will be leaving early so I even made up that time on Saturday. It's hard to work a full day Saturday have Sunday off then return to work on Monday but Rob is such a help that I manage. He worked half a day Saturday also. I came home to dinner on the table, the house vacumned and a smiling face. Doesn't get much better than that. Some days I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. Seriously. There was a time when I would have never believed that I could have the peace and contentment I now experience on a daily basis. The more I think of that I wish more people would realize that it's all about the choices that we make, or do not make. I know there are people who just will never get out of their bad situation no matter what. How sad because they are missing so much. I am so thankful to be where I am and to be with the person who brings out the best in me.
I didn't have school Halloween evening but I was studying for the second part of my midterm which took place on Thursday night. Now that was scary. Picture this a room of over twenty adults looking at the test then each other in shock. The results were horrifying. Two women who are the 100 score, perfectionist types were able to get 80. Myself and a handful of others just missed the 70 score, coming in at 66. The majority failed it completely. I am talking scores of 40 and lower. I was always an A or B student. Frequently on the honor roll. I am not used to this. What is troubling is this: the book gives reviews and practice tests. I score 80 or above on them. This instructor with her decades of experience is making up her own tests. Huge discussion amongst students as to whether certain things were even mentioned that appeared on the test.
Secondly, there were two things discussed which were glossed over. There were five questions on each on the test. This is where the perfectionists couldn't even pull it together. One woman went into the ladie's room and sobbed. It was that bad. As one of the perfectionists was leaving she remarked to the teacher that the degree of difficulty on that test was beyond any expectation she might have had. The teacher remarked "I thought it was easy." Our instructor has worked in the field for over thirty years. I think that she cannot realize any longer what it is like to be starting out. It's one thing to do something but another to be able to teach it. At this point I am still trying. I did take a practice state test and did well but I must pass this final exam in order to be eligbile for the state licensing exam. I am hanging in there. Too much money and time invested to turn back now. Heading onward and upward.
This was my weekend to work. Yesterday was an exceptionally pleasant day at work and I got much accomplished with the quiet for the most part. I am having my yearly physical (the one I skipped the previous two years) on Wednesday and will be leaving early so I even made up that time on Saturday. It's hard to work a full day Saturday have Sunday off then return to work on Monday but Rob is such a help that I manage. He worked half a day Saturday also. I came home to dinner on the table, the house vacumned and a smiling face. Doesn't get much better than that. Some days I have to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. Seriously. There was a time when I would have never believed that I could have the peace and contentment I now experience on a daily basis. The more I think of that I wish more people would realize that it's all about the choices that we make, or do not make. I know there are people who just will never get out of their bad situation no matter what. How sad because they are missing so much. I am so thankful to be where I am and to be with the person who brings out the best in me.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Turn those clocks back
Tonight something wonderful is happening. We get an extra hour of sleep.......at least in theory. Not sure my animals will note the difference in the morning.
I had a stressful week. Much more hectic than usual and a test on four chapters of material on Tuesday. I passed but not by a great margin. This concerns me. Today was my Saturday off but I was in such discomfort with my hip and back that I was not able to study. I was able to nap a bit on the sofa but the phone woke me up. There was a tiff in my family this week that lead to many irritating phone calls. I invited a sibling and his spouse over for dinner along with my parents to celebrate my father's birthday. The spouse felt that my menu (homemade macaroni and cheese with smoked sausage, salad and a birthday cake) did not provide a main course. I offered to make one dish without the smoked sausage but she felt I needed to also bake a ham.
I did not feel that was necessary. They didn't want to come which lead my parents inviting them out to dinner. We were also invited but they went an hour before my husband got home from work. My mother said I could come alone but I chose not to. Now I am viewed as the difficult one. I have had discussions with both my parents in the past few days telling both of them that they have made vast differences in the treatments of their sons than that of the daughters. They both agree but continue to do so. Several of my friends have recommended that I distance myself from my parents. Whenever they need anyone I am the one who is called but their favors are to their three sons. This pattern has perpetuated itself my entire life. It's hurtful and it has become too much to bear when I have other issues, particularly that of my health. My sister is also having health issues right now and they rarely even phone her. I have explained things until I am sick of having to even think of it. They admit that they have doled out money to their sons and that they have done little for their daughters. Still, nothing changes. Although I feel guilty not helping them it might come to that at some point. I am only human and am still trying to understand how one minute I am inviting them here and the next minute they are taking the others out to dinner and we are not even in the picture.
I have made up my mind that I am not going to spend any more time thinking about this. I have much to do with my course, with trying to adjust to a change in my medication and trying to help do something to alleviate this pain. If it persists I am afraid I will be making a trip to the ER.
Amid all this unplesantness, Rob has worked many hours of overtime this week. With the holidays coming it will be a huge help. Tonight he came out tired but took me to the opening of a wonderful new store, The Christmas Tree Shop. Many bargains. The holidays are coming and I am only going to focus on those who care for me. Those who want to be hurtful will find themselves out of the loop. Life is too short.
I had a stressful week. Much more hectic than usual and a test on four chapters of material on Tuesday. I passed but not by a great margin. This concerns me. Today was my Saturday off but I was in such discomfort with my hip and back that I was not able to study. I was able to nap a bit on the sofa but the phone woke me up. There was a tiff in my family this week that lead to many irritating phone calls. I invited a sibling and his spouse over for dinner along with my parents to celebrate my father's birthday. The spouse felt that my menu (homemade macaroni and cheese with smoked sausage, salad and a birthday cake) did not provide a main course. I offered to make one dish without the smoked sausage but she felt I needed to also bake a ham.
I did not feel that was necessary. They didn't want to come which lead my parents inviting them out to dinner. We were also invited but they went an hour before my husband got home from work. My mother said I could come alone but I chose not to. Now I am viewed as the difficult one. I have had discussions with both my parents in the past few days telling both of them that they have made vast differences in the treatments of their sons than that of the daughters. They both agree but continue to do so. Several of my friends have recommended that I distance myself from my parents. Whenever they need anyone I am the one who is called but their favors are to their three sons. This pattern has perpetuated itself my entire life. It's hurtful and it has become too much to bear when I have other issues, particularly that of my health. My sister is also having health issues right now and they rarely even phone her. I have explained things until I am sick of having to even think of it. They admit that they have doled out money to their sons and that they have done little for their daughters. Still, nothing changes. Although I feel guilty not helping them it might come to that at some point. I am only human and am still trying to understand how one minute I am inviting them here and the next minute they are taking the others out to dinner and we are not even in the picture.
I have made up my mind that I am not going to spend any more time thinking about this. I have much to do with my course, with trying to adjust to a change in my medication and trying to help do something to alleviate this pain. If it persists I am afraid I will be making a trip to the ER.
Amid all this unplesantness, Rob has worked many hours of overtime this week. With the holidays coming it will be a huge help. Tonight he came out tired but took me to the opening of a wonderful new store, The Christmas Tree Shop. Many bargains. The holidays are coming and I am only going to focus on those who care for me. Those who want to be hurtful will find themselves out of the loop. Life is too short.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The Tag
Sometimes you read something in another blog and it touches you so deeply......and you remember what the impact of another's life or words have on you. Today I felt that when I read Judith HeartSong's entry......it ended with her realizing that she had worth. I am so grateful to know that I have worth. That I am loved and cherished by someone whose love I can return. There was a time when I never believed that I could or would believe in love again.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Reading and thinking.....
On Friday my boss asked me to tidy up our conference room which had dozens of magazines in it. I noticed a few Smithsonians, some New Yorkers and a Time Magazine which I brought home to read. Yesterday after work I opened some and began to read through them all. I read an article in Time about Guantanamo Bay and then an article in The New Yorker about the same subject, while interviewing one of the attorneys representing one of the men who commited suicide. It left me very upset and sad. What disturbed me most was that when the prisoners are on hunger strikes they are being fed with tubes which many doctors say are much larger than those used by doctors in this country. They are of the opinion that these tubes are inhumane.
The articles clearly draw speculation that many of these prisoners do not belong there. One article mentioned that flyers were handed out in terrorist areas promising to make the ones who turned in the suspected terrorists rich. Of course while you might expect some terrorists to claim innocence it seems that lawyers did a lot of homework and feel that many truly are.
I sent my son home with these magazines today so I cannot make quotes or use the names. I had watched a special last night with a comedian. He was saying that he felt Bush was guilty of saying the stupidest thing any president every said "Bring it on" which was addressed to the terrorists. (The comedian, Louis Black, was born and raised in Silver Spring, Maryland. I was born in neighboring Bethesda and spent the first ten plus years of my life in Silver Spring.) I am impressed that so many attorneys from firms have taken it on themselves to try to help these people. I have a lot of respect for these humanitarians. I do not respect how the Bush administration has handled this situation at all.
I have a very hectic week coming up. The next four days will be so hectic. I hoped to relax today but had an unexpected visit from my son. I put all the things I had scheduled on hold. I did manage to get groceries (with Rob's help.) Tomorrow I need another blood test. It's a pain to be on blood thinners. When they fluctuate too high or too low adjustments must be made. Mine have been too high lately and I who never bruised looked like I took a beating with a Louisville slugger. I am happy to have them reduced but for the next few weeks that means blood tests every two weeks instead of every month. How I hate needles. You would think I would be used to them. At least I no longer faint but I still do not like them.
Today we bought an artificial pre-lit Christmas tree. Of course a real tree is better but when you have two pets it's difficult. The dog might be tempted to hike his leg on it and the cat even attempts to shimmy up the fake trees. Last year my old tree shorted out. I tried to fix the lights and then in complete disgust threw out the old tree. This one is a slim which is perfect for our small living room. I look forward to Christmas. It's the only time of year I get to see my one brother and his family. Although they live only twenty miles away, there is always something going on with their teenagers or with his wife's family. It's only Christmas Eve that we really see them. It makes it extra special.
The leaves are falling and I am liking the brisk Autumn air but I miss the sunshine. The days are getting darker earlier and I know that next week I will be adjusting to the time change.
Best of all I feel more and more like my presurgery self. I am back in the thick of it and loving it.
The articles clearly draw speculation that many of these prisoners do not belong there. One article mentioned that flyers were handed out in terrorist areas promising to make the ones who turned in the suspected terrorists rich. Of course while you might expect some terrorists to claim innocence it seems that lawyers did a lot of homework and feel that many truly are.
I sent my son home with these magazines today so I cannot make quotes or use the names. I had watched a special last night with a comedian. He was saying that he felt Bush was guilty of saying the stupidest thing any president every said "Bring it on" which was addressed to the terrorists. (The comedian, Louis Black, was born and raised in Silver Spring, Maryland. I was born in neighboring Bethesda and spent the first ten plus years of my life in Silver Spring.) I am impressed that so many attorneys from firms have taken it on themselves to try to help these people. I have a lot of respect for these humanitarians. I do not respect how the Bush administration has handled this situation at all.
I have a very hectic week coming up. The next four days will be so hectic. I hoped to relax today but had an unexpected visit from my son. I put all the things I had scheduled on hold. I did manage to get groceries (with Rob's help.) Tomorrow I need another blood test. It's a pain to be on blood thinners. When they fluctuate too high or too low adjustments must be made. Mine have been too high lately and I who never bruised looked like I took a beating with a Louisville slugger. I am happy to have them reduced but for the next few weeks that means blood tests every two weeks instead of every month. How I hate needles. You would think I would be used to them. At least I no longer faint but I still do not like them.
Today we bought an artificial pre-lit Christmas tree. Of course a real tree is better but when you have two pets it's difficult. The dog might be tempted to hike his leg on it and the cat even attempts to shimmy up the fake trees. Last year my old tree shorted out. I tried to fix the lights and then in complete disgust threw out the old tree. This one is a slim which is perfect for our small living room. I look forward to Christmas. It's the only time of year I get to see my one brother and his family. Although they live only twenty miles away, there is always something going on with their teenagers or with his wife's family. It's only Christmas Eve that we really see them. It makes it extra special.
The leaves are falling and I am liking the brisk Autumn air but I miss the sunshine. The days are getting darker earlier and I know that next week I will be adjusting to the time change.
Best of all I feel more and more like my presurgery self. I am back in the thick of it and loving it.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Letting Go
I spent several hours on the phone last night and again this morning with my friend who is finding it difficult to let go of her former relationship. Why is it so hard for us women to let go? Even when we know a relationship is painful, sometimes toxic, we second guess ourselves for years to come. For some reason we have this hope that the man (who was clueless throughout the entire long term relationship) is going to have a moment of awakening and tell us he is sorry for everything he ever did. (An admission of being less than perfect would be enough for some.)
The sad reality is that the man thinks that any woman who left him is a bitch. End of story.They don't give a thought to the reality that they were content with the status quo when their wife perceived her existence as a caretaker. No matter how many times the woman may have tried to communicate her feelings of frustration and felt they fell on deaf ears, the man will say he never knew she felt that way. All they can think of is that their needs are no longer being met.
The woman is often beating herself up for not having been able to enlighten him. Often during the divorce process, or after, she is calling him on the phone trying desperately to have him admit that he was less than perfect. This is where one must be realistic. Had he been able to do that in the first place you probably wouldn't be at this point. I told my friend she simply has to accept that she cannot get blood from a rock. This man has never admitted in his forty something years on Earth that he made a mistake in any case. Surely, he won't break precedence now.
As a woman, I wish that we could take on more of the man's attitude. They don't agonize over love lost. (I admit there are some men who do but they are the exceptions.) As I was telling myself we need to validate ourselves more and stop relying on the former lovers to do it for us. We don't need approval for getting out of a toxic relationship. Instead of questioning ourselves we should be patting ourselves on the back. I have gone through two divorces with close friends recently.
Please don't read something into this that I hate men. I love men. I really do (the good ones that is.) It's just that so many of them (especially the ones over forty) feel relationships are a one way street. Far too many are cut from that same cloth where if they bring home a paycheck they have met their obligations. In a world where the partners also work for the most part, the main responsibilities for running a house, raising the children, and caring for the pets falls upon one person. That person is rarely the man.
Life is short. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is but a dream, all we truly have is today. We need to wake up each morning and give ourselves our own strokes. Life is hard. We can only take responsibility for our own actions, not those of others. I only wish I had known what I know now at 30. I can't go back and change it. I can only move forward and savor the days I have now.
Today I should be studying but instead I am going to go shopping and buy myself something new to wear to work. I deserve it. Give yourself some props today.
"I can be changed by what happens to me
But I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou
The sad reality is that the man thinks that any woman who left him is a bitch. End of story.They don't give a thought to the reality that they were content with the status quo when their wife perceived her existence as a caretaker. No matter how many times the woman may have tried to communicate her feelings of frustration and felt they fell on deaf ears, the man will say he never knew she felt that way. All they can think of is that their needs are no longer being met.
The woman is often beating herself up for not having been able to enlighten him. Often during the divorce process, or after, she is calling him on the phone trying desperately to have him admit that he was less than perfect. This is where one must be realistic. Had he been able to do that in the first place you probably wouldn't be at this point. I told my friend she simply has to accept that she cannot get blood from a rock. This man has never admitted in his forty something years on Earth that he made a mistake in any case. Surely, he won't break precedence now.
As a woman, I wish that we could take on more of the man's attitude. They don't agonize over love lost. (I admit there are some men who do but they are the exceptions.) As I was telling myself we need to validate ourselves more and stop relying on the former lovers to do it for us. We don't need approval for getting out of a toxic relationship. Instead of questioning ourselves we should be patting ourselves on the back. I have gone through two divorces with close friends recently.
Please don't read something into this that I hate men. I love men. I really do (the good ones that is.) It's just that so many of them (especially the ones over forty) feel relationships are a one way street. Far too many are cut from that same cloth where if they bring home a paycheck they have met their obligations. In a world where the partners also work for the most part, the main responsibilities for running a house, raising the children, and caring for the pets falls upon one person. That person is rarely the man.
Life is short. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is but a dream, all we truly have is today. We need to wake up each morning and give ourselves our own strokes. Life is hard. We can only take responsibility for our own actions, not those of others. I only wish I had known what I know now at 30. I can't go back and change it. I can only move forward and savor the days I have now.
Today I should be studying but instead I am going to go shopping and buy myself something new to wear to work. I deserve it. Give yourself some props today.
"I can be changed by what happens to me
But I refuse to be reduced by it. ~ Maya Angelou
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Do Do Do Do Do Do Feeling Groovy..................
I am enjoying my two days home this weekend. So much it's almost indescribable. Yesterday and today I slept over an hour later than usual. Yesterday I got a lot of cleaning accomplished, and groceries purchased. Cleaned out a few closets. Had a relaxing evening and today I got up baked banana bread and brownies. The weather is invigorating! Sunny with an Autumn chill.
I am feeling much better about things these days. I have my own computer (although people do use it when I am not there) and my desk. I have a drawer in which I can leave some items. It's so great to have a small space that feels private when in a work environment. Things that were problems have been resolved. The owner of our company is both insightful and diplomatic.
As we all know, the real estate market which was once red hot has cooled but there is still activity. As our course instructor points out, it's not as rough as when interest rates were 18%.
Can't imagine having been through that. I am not sure that my licensed will be used as an active agent. Just having it makes me more useful to my office as New Jersey has clear restrictions on non licensed people giving out information of any kind.
I have finally begun reading again. It's simply wonderful to enjoy that once forgotten pleasure.
I am currently reading a book called Sex Over Fifty. This was given to me by one of my friends at my 50th birthday party. I read a passage of it to my husband last night as he was watching the hockey game. Seriously, this was almost soft core porn. I guess the author figures he will titillate people with his writings and they will think his book a success. When I finish reading this book I will be reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch after reading Cynthia's review of it in her journal, A Crazy Quilt Life. She has a great blog and often writes about books that I later read. I used to get the New York Times and make a list each week of books I wanted to read. About seven years ago I stopped for financial reasons. Now I am starting to read again. I feel so alive. It's incredible compared to how I felt last year at this time. I find I am sleeping better and my mind is clearer. The memory problems do exist but I am just studying more to compensate for them.
This is my favorite season. I cannot say how much I love the Fall. The leaves falling is something I have loved since a small child. We live near many apple orchards and you can go and pick your own. I don't have time for that but I can go and buy the freshly picked ones. They have the cider freshly made and even donuts made from the cider. The trees are simply breathtaking right now. I drive down the road slowly on my way to work soaking it all in. I wish I could have all my internet friends over for coffee on the patio. Just to share the beauty in my world.
Speaking of internet friends, thank you Jennifer (my blogging mentor) for setting up my journal so that I could have paragraphs. You're the best. You and Walter.
Also: thanks to Angel for this tag. She is so talented and so generous with her talents! (Not able to upload the tag at this moment but I will try again!)
I am feeling much better about things these days. I have my own computer (although people do use it when I am not there) and my desk. I have a drawer in which I can leave some items. It's so great to have a small space that feels private when in a work environment. Things that were problems have been resolved. The owner of our company is both insightful and diplomatic.
As we all know, the real estate market which was once red hot has cooled but there is still activity. As our course instructor points out, it's not as rough as when interest rates were 18%.
Can't imagine having been through that. I am not sure that my licensed will be used as an active agent. Just having it makes me more useful to my office as New Jersey has clear restrictions on non licensed people giving out information of any kind.
I have finally begun reading again. It's simply wonderful to enjoy that once forgotten pleasure.
I am currently reading a book called Sex Over Fifty. This was given to me by one of my friends at my 50th birthday party. I read a passage of it to my husband last night as he was watching the hockey game. Seriously, this was almost soft core porn. I guess the author figures he will titillate people with his writings and they will think his book a success. When I finish reading this book I will be reading White Oleander by Janet Fitch after reading Cynthia's review of it in her journal, A Crazy Quilt Life. She has a great blog and often writes about books that I later read. I used to get the New York Times and make a list each week of books I wanted to read. About seven years ago I stopped for financial reasons. Now I am starting to read again. I feel so alive. It's incredible compared to how I felt last year at this time. I find I am sleeping better and my mind is clearer. The memory problems do exist but I am just studying more to compensate for them.
This is my favorite season. I cannot say how much I love the Fall. The leaves falling is something I have loved since a small child. We live near many apple orchards and you can go and pick your own. I don't have time for that but I can go and buy the freshly picked ones. They have the cider freshly made and even donuts made from the cider. The trees are simply breathtaking right now. I drive down the road slowly on my way to work soaking it all in. I wish I could have all my internet friends over for coffee on the patio. Just to share the beauty in my world.
Speaking of internet friends, thank you Jennifer (my blogging mentor) for setting up my journal so that I could have paragraphs. You're the best. You and Walter.
Also: thanks to Angel for this tag. She is so talented and so generous with her talents! (Not able to upload the tag at this moment but I will try again!)
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Frazzled
Today is a Thursday. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I am here trying to study. Notice I said trying. Even though I have asked family and friends not to phone me or drop by, they still seem compelled to do so. I have the attention span of a gnat these days. I don't know if it's age, physical conditions, or mental problems. Perhaps C: all of the above. I only know that the slightest thing is a major distraction for me, breaking my flow of thoughts. At times I feel that I have bitten off more than I can chew. For the first time in my life I have missed scheduled dental and doctor appointments. Some days I am in such a hurry, I don't even check my calendar, which has always been a morning ritual. I just can't seem to get it together with this course. I was an A student.
Is this what happens when estrogen flees from your body? I don't think the fact that I am menopausal is insignificant.
Today I have a full plate, as usual. I have been up since 6:45. I have fed the pets, cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, made the bed and studied ONE of two chapters. Retained perhaps 50% of the facts, and calculated my math problems incorrectly. I who tutored others in algebra. I am now taking a break before showering. After that I have to drive to Rob's work, pick up his check and drive to the bank where we have an emergency savings account. I will cash both our checks there and then drive to the bank where we have our (free) checking account to deposit the cash. That covers the mortgage check I had to mail yesterday. After that I will return home attempting to absorb the next chapter and finish the review for 15 chapters (Lord help me!)
About 3, I have to leave for the cardiologist. I will then have to face the music for totally missing my last appointment, for the little change in my cholesterol and weight......and he wonders why there are times I need tranquilizers. I really like this doctor. I have a lot of faith in him and truly believe had I not found him when I did I would most likely not be here now. He is very serious and when he gives orders he expects them to be followed........to the letter. I get that. Part of me appreciates that. Another part thinks that he doesn't understand how hard it is to incorporate all of this into a stressed out, little time for relaxation life.
When I leave the cardiologist I will go to school where I will be quizzed. Not sure if my carpooling buddy will be going tonight. She went on Tuesday but was sick and has been out of work all week until today. The Woody Allen aspect of my personality is wondering if she is showering me with germs in the shared vehicle.
I cannot create paragraphs today. I could barely get onto Blog Spot. Sorry for my continuous flow of words here. It's not that I didn't want paragraphs.....it's just that I couldn't. (Inability to create paragraphs is just another one of those menopausal symptoms. Love ~ jennifer.)
Okay time to kick it up a notch and take my shower. Those ten or fifteen minutes are often the most relaxing part of my day. Although to be honest, there are days I can't fit that in either!
Did I mention that my final exam will be the Tuesday after Thanksgiving? God give me strength. Seriously.
Is this what happens when estrogen flees from your body? I don't think the fact that I am menopausal is insignificant.
Today I have a full plate, as usual. I have been up since 6:45. I have fed the pets, cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, made the bed and studied ONE of two chapters. Retained perhaps 50% of the facts, and calculated my math problems incorrectly. I who tutored others in algebra. I am now taking a break before showering. After that I have to drive to Rob's work, pick up his check and drive to the bank where we have an emergency savings account. I will cash both our checks there and then drive to the bank where we have our (free) checking account to deposit the cash. That covers the mortgage check I had to mail yesterday. After that I will return home attempting to absorb the next chapter and finish the review for 15 chapters (Lord help me!)
About 3, I have to leave for the cardiologist. I will then have to face the music for totally missing my last appointment, for the little change in my cholesterol and weight......and he wonders why there are times I need tranquilizers. I really like this doctor. I have a lot of faith in him and truly believe had I not found him when I did I would most likely not be here now. He is very serious and when he gives orders he expects them to be followed........to the letter. I get that. Part of me appreciates that. Another part thinks that he doesn't understand how hard it is to incorporate all of this into a stressed out, little time for relaxation life.
When I leave the cardiologist I will go to school where I will be quizzed. Not sure if my carpooling buddy will be going tonight. She went on Tuesday but was sick and has been out of work all week until today. The Woody Allen aspect of my personality is wondering if she is showering me with germs in the shared vehicle.
I cannot create paragraphs today. I could barely get onto Blog Spot. Sorry for my continuous flow of words here. It's not that I didn't want paragraphs.....it's just that I couldn't. (Inability to create paragraphs is just another one of those menopausal symptoms. Love ~ jennifer.)
Okay time to kick it up a notch and take my shower. Those ten or fifteen minutes are often the most relaxing part of my day. Although to be honest, there are days I can't fit that in either!
Did I mention that my final exam will be the Tuesday after Thanksgiving? God give me strength. Seriously.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Frustration thy name is Verizon
I am hardly able to use my internet connection in the past few days. Actually, all my phone related problems began when Verizon decided to put fiber optic cable in our neighborhood. The first time it rained my phone line hummed so badly I could not hear people on the other end.
When I called them, and they came over a week later, they said there was water in the box (our lines are underground and there is a small tower which contains the wires). They lifted it and when the water ran out the problem appeared to be okay......until the next rain. Next repairman said that the box needed to be lifted higher because this problem would keep recurring. He was correct. It has. Today I made my fourth call to Verizon and listed all the problems I have had. Calls to their DSL customer service told me there was nothing they could do for me. Had to deal with Verizon phone repair. At this point I am giving them a few short days to correct the problem If not corrected I will be switching to a cable connection. That means changing my business address from Verizon. Frankly, Verizon has nailed themselves to the wall with their huge cuts in customer service and now not fixing the problems they are creating by installing new unwanted lines. Not one person I know wants to switch from the present cable company........especially not with the service we receive with our phone problems. Today I couldn't wait for some emails containing pictures to download. Dial up was as quick as what I am currently experiencing for the cost of over $30 per month.
I worked today. It was really rainy and cold. I wanted to stay in bed today but forced myself to crawl out at 9 a.m. I only worked until 2 because I went to a viewing for a coworker's mother. This stoic woman lived to be 94 and until her last year she lived quite a life. Her daughter is a lovely woman and a great example of caring for others.
My sinuses are really bothering me with all the damp weather. I was put on antibiotics to try to get them in order. My blood was way too thin and I had to have that adjusted. I am hoping I will be feeling better with these medicines in check. I have been very tired lately.
I have ordered a few Christmas presents. When the weather cools my mind turns to Christmas and the upcoming holidays. I wish that I could make donations to charities instead of commercial gifts. I am thinking of alternative gifts. My parents will be receiving a small Christmas tree with handmade ornaments containing pictures of their children, grandchildren and two great grandchildren. I am trying to think of something meaningful for my son. My one coworker is not exchanging with anyone in her family this year. She said they do big birthdays but she just couldn't take the commercialism or pressure. Her kids are all grown and resisted at first but now seem to enjoy not being pressured themselves either. It's an interesting idea. Not sure I could get some of my family to get on board with that idea. My son would be most receptive.
My eyes are tired and I think it's time to call it a night. Hoping I can sleep in a bit tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams to us all.........and to all a goodnight.
When I called them, and they came over a week later, they said there was water in the box (our lines are underground and there is a small tower which contains the wires). They lifted it and when the water ran out the problem appeared to be okay......until the next rain. Next repairman said that the box needed to be lifted higher because this problem would keep recurring. He was correct. It has. Today I made my fourth call to Verizon and listed all the problems I have had. Calls to their DSL customer service told me there was nothing they could do for me. Had to deal with Verizon phone repair. At this point I am giving them a few short days to correct the problem If not corrected I will be switching to a cable connection. That means changing my business address from Verizon. Frankly, Verizon has nailed themselves to the wall with their huge cuts in customer service and now not fixing the problems they are creating by installing new unwanted lines. Not one person I know wants to switch from the present cable company........especially not with the service we receive with our phone problems. Today I couldn't wait for some emails containing pictures to download. Dial up was as quick as what I am currently experiencing for the cost of over $30 per month.
I worked today. It was really rainy and cold. I wanted to stay in bed today but forced myself to crawl out at 9 a.m. I only worked until 2 because I went to a viewing for a coworker's mother. This stoic woman lived to be 94 and until her last year she lived quite a life. Her daughter is a lovely woman and a great example of caring for others.
My sinuses are really bothering me with all the damp weather. I was put on antibiotics to try to get them in order. My blood was way too thin and I had to have that adjusted. I am hoping I will be feeling better with these medicines in check. I have been very tired lately.
I have ordered a few Christmas presents. When the weather cools my mind turns to Christmas and the upcoming holidays. I wish that I could make donations to charities instead of commercial gifts. I am thinking of alternative gifts. My parents will be receiving a small Christmas tree with handmade ornaments containing pictures of their children, grandchildren and two great grandchildren. I am trying to think of something meaningful for my son. My one coworker is not exchanging with anyone in her family this year. She said they do big birthdays but she just couldn't take the commercialism or pressure. Her kids are all grown and resisted at first but now seem to enjoy not being pressured themselves either. It's an interesting idea. Not sure I could get some of my family to get on board with that idea. My son would be most receptive.
My eyes are tired and I think it's time to call it a night. Hoping I can sleep in a bit tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams to us all.........and to all a goodnight.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Of sleepless nights and troubling thoughts
I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping. I can go right to sleep when my head hits the pillow but I wake around 3 or 4 a.m. and lay awake for hours. My mind kicks into high gear at that time. I have so much to worry about right now. I am working and taking a class that requires a lot of studying. I have a midterm this week and am worried about that.
My sister had her surgical procedure and we are now waiting to hear the results of her biopsy. I am giving her the space she wants while trying to be supportive in a way that is acceptable to her. She refuses to worry until she has something concrete to worry about. I am respecting her way of dealing with this.
One of my friends rushed ahead into a relationship that is now throwing up red flags for her. I am walking on eggs, trying to help her sort things out. Her last significant other caused huge problems in our relationship. I want her to be happy and I am concerned that she may hurt this person that she assured she would not.
Rob and I seem to be on different schedules work wise. I work two Saturdays each month and usually he doesn't work on Saturdays. The past few months it seems he has had an opportunity to work,but only on the Saturdays that I have off. Yesterday I went to a craft show with my sister-in-law. When Rob got home we went out for a bite to eat. We are both so tired these days that we flop into bed, passing out when our heads hit the pillow. (He isn't sleeping that well either. His sister will be starting chemo any day. His family never calls us and the only way we find anything at all out is to call them. ) Today we got up and Rob got our ladder out and we brought down our Halloween things from the attic. That cheered us up a bit. We have lots of stuff! Rob vacumned for me since my left wrist is so painful and weak. Afterwards he helped me to stir the dough and I made peanut butter cookies. My son was ill and we ran in his direction and took some, along with clean laundry that had been left here. Afterwards we ran to a country store that we like. It was a nice day. Not at all that relaxing but still we had a day together.
I know the worth of a good marriage. I worry that with all I have on my plate I am not doing enough to keep mine the way I want it to be. I am feeling my age these days. I don't have the energy I once did. I like my house to be tidy and organized. I like to go to work with a decent appearance. I like to give my pets the time and energy they deserve. I just can't seem to find the time to do it ALL. Anna Quindlen was so right. We can have it all but not at the same time. Once school ends late November, I will enjoy the extra time I will then have. In the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than the relationship I have waited years for. My brilliant friend Diana, once told me that love is more about the way the person makes you feel about yourself, than how you feel about them. Rob makes me feel like the most loved woman there is. I only hope that I make him feel the same way, even when I am too tired to do the little things to show him that.
My sister had her surgical procedure and we are now waiting to hear the results of her biopsy. I am giving her the space she wants while trying to be supportive in a way that is acceptable to her. She refuses to worry until she has something concrete to worry about. I am respecting her way of dealing with this.
One of my friends rushed ahead into a relationship that is now throwing up red flags for her. I am walking on eggs, trying to help her sort things out. Her last significant other caused huge problems in our relationship. I want her to be happy and I am concerned that she may hurt this person that she assured she would not.
Rob and I seem to be on different schedules work wise. I work two Saturdays each month and usually he doesn't work on Saturdays. The past few months it seems he has had an opportunity to work,but only on the Saturdays that I have off. Yesterday I went to a craft show with my sister-in-law. When Rob got home we went out for a bite to eat. We are both so tired these days that we flop into bed, passing out when our heads hit the pillow. (He isn't sleeping that well either. His sister will be starting chemo any day. His family never calls us and the only way we find anything at all out is to call them. ) Today we got up and Rob got our ladder out and we brought down our Halloween things from the attic. That cheered us up a bit. We have lots of stuff! Rob vacumned for me since my left wrist is so painful and weak. Afterwards he helped me to stir the dough and I made peanut butter cookies. My son was ill and we ran in his direction and took some, along with clean laundry that had been left here. Afterwards we ran to a country store that we like. It was a nice day. Not at all that relaxing but still we had a day together.
I know the worth of a good marriage. I worry that with all I have on my plate I am not doing enough to keep mine the way I want it to be. I am feeling my age these days. I don't have the energy I once did. I like my house to be tidy and organized. I like to go to work with a decent appearance. I like to give my pets the time and energy they deserve. I just can't seem to find the time to do it ALL. Anna Quindlen was so right. We can have it all but not at the same time. Once school ends late November, I will enjoy the extra time I will then have. In the grand scheme of things, nothing is more important than the relationship I have waited years for. My brilliant friend Diana, once told me that love is more about the way the person makes you feel about yourself, than how you feel about them. Rob makes me feel like the most loved woman there is. I only hope that I make him feel the same way, even when I am too tired to do the little things to show him that.
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